Taco Rice Tuesday
I decided to come up with a new concept, mainly as a way to force me to not disappear for months on end. I thought about what would work… and remembered that some of you guys told me you sort-of enjoyed my pointless ramblings about Japan on account it’s not based off cartoons watched by 5-year-olds. I wanted to something catchy, but reflects how seriously I take myself... and thus “Taco Rice Tuesday” was born (taking two, border-line offensive concept main-lander Japanese have about American culture in Japan and merging them into one... as I’m a completely horrible person).
*Besides, who doesn’t love Taco Tuesdays... such an underappreciated day of the week.*
Anyways, this installment will focus on Uncyclopedia Japan. Well, most English speakers are familiar with the satirical site Uncyclopeda. However, most don’t know that over 90 language spin-offs exist, including a Japanese version. And even few know of the existence of the Japanese-nationals demographic that sees their own nation and culture as a form of personal amusement.
This post just happens to be instigated by 1_intheshadows. When we talked to each other, last week, I told her about how I took one of my wiki-walk through Japan's version of Uncyclopedia and just happened to stumble across their entry on the 80s cartoon Yoroiden Samurai Troopers. After a few chuckles about flagrant character stereotypes and telling her about how the only difference between the English and Japanese versions is the fact it’s written in a completely different alphabet, she urged me that I should *really* post up a translation. What else could I say but, “Amazeballs!”.
But, before I kick things off, here's a few notes to better explain this insanity
A few translation notes:
This is a verbatim Uncyclopedia translation... jokes have been untouched. Nor did I tone anything down. Therefore, if you find such things triggering as: profanity, sexually suggestive language, fangirl-bashing, Japanese sarcasm, reinforcing Chinese stereotypes, reading what “Glorious Nippon” really thinks about your anime obsession... you might not want to read this.
As Uncyclopedia Japan is its own entity (read as: it’s not a copypast of the English version), I had to screw with some of the links... mainly trying to find the closest English articles on Uncyclopedia that could translate the Japanese humor being conveyed (as I’m in no-freaking-way going to translate *all* of those links featured in the entry). Some I had to improvise with Wikipedia/Youtube/whatever, as those are jokes with no English translation.
If interested, here's the original entry... well, on with the show.
Note: For those of you who are patients of the no-humor plague, the expert info snobs of Wikipedia have written an entry for “Yoroiden Samurai Troopers”.
Yoroiden Samurai Troopers
Yoroiden Samurai Troopers (Armor Legend), was one of the idol groups under the "Johnny’s" label during the 1980s.
Synopsis
As a novelty boy band group, they’re concept was that of singing, dancing and fighting using things like all-out staged sword fights and Japanese-styled weaponry. Though all the band members were students, their main fan base were BBAs... eh, actually, was more like Onesamas calling them "my little brother" or "my husband". Appearing live in sexy, skin-tight armors called "under gear", their usual pattern was to “armor up” mid-way through in armor gear. Then, at the climax, the official live group “The Youjakai” would barge in, with the promise that a violent fight would break out between them. However, their popularity got so huge that they didn’t have enough time to study and disbanded because their graduations was at stake, as they were sort-of not the fast track towards college. Afterwards, an animated TV show was created that was based off their activities and their brand name popularity went up.
The Basic Flow of the Live Show
- Show Start with Under-Gear:
As was mentioned above, they’d roughly appear in tight, full-body under gear and, as if it was some sort of signal for the show’s start, there’d be a flood of shrill screaming as soon as the curtain rose. There was also this one time when the group members appeared on stage in normal cloths, but that their first and last time on account that fans hated Ryou’s regular outfit due to it being impossibly dorky. Shuu’s figure is Classified Information. It should also be noted that since the Samurai Trooper’s live show follows the basic musical flow-chart.
- Youja Invasion → Armoring Up:
With a song repertory of preforming oldies cover songs, the Youja are the junior members of the band (Extras. Silver medalists. They’re in the same league as Shocker Combatmen) that barge in mid-performance, and from there, it breaks into a battle sequence. Stuff like back-flips and levitation were chronically exploited, as that’s just simply Johnny’s franchise, as well as mediocre TV special effects that would wreak havoc on band members. And then, as these hackjobs were half-way finished, there’d be the armoring up with the armor gear. With the stage covered with fabric and cherry blossom petals, they’d force the remaining members to leave, all at once.
VS Mashou～The Next to Pull Out:
When any of the Mashou, the main front-men of the group, came out on stage, that’s when an epic climax would occur as the Mashou would stage a fierce attack, completely ignoring their numerical handicap. In some cases, the Youjakai’s junior-member, Rajura (the only chick in the group), will make an appearance, despite her unpopularity being earth-shattering. But still, it’s so adorable that the fujoshi will claim that she’s a man... one time, after things spiraled in chaos, the band members promised a big turnaround in usage of their special killing moves.
In their last live show, the four Mashou began fighting ageists themselves. A duel began with the Youjakai’s manager, Mr. Arago (the dude inside him is Johnny Kitagawa) and Kikoutei and it all came to an end (their fight isn’t over, yet!!). To the very end...
Members
Samurai Troopers
- Ryou Sanada [Rekka] [Kikoutei]:
The leader of the Samurai Troopers. You’d think he’d have physical strength, hailing from the sticks where there’s nothing but mountains, but for some reason everyone (the fans) seems says ‘he has no physical strength’ and treats him like a princess. His sidelong glances and shaggy hair neckline are his charm points. But his fashion conscious sucks. Although the Rekka armor gear use of fire is a gimmick, it’s not used a lot in venue circumstances. Also, the gear for the Kikoutei wasn’t used further on as all of it costs roughly about the same amount of money.
- Rei Fan Shuu [Kongou]:
The group’s life of the party. In SMAP terms, he’s Shingo. With a family that has a Chinese restaurant, he’s the good boy that they’re always sending delicious provisions to. Though it’s thought he was Chinese, it’s said that he’s half-Japanese as he’s, “from the Minamoto family, you know, the ones who away screaming from the Mongol hoard”. In the case of his everyday fashion, he wears stuff that loves his body, but on the other hand, we all have a hunch that the under-gear he wears his sucking in his body silhouette. No matter how you look at it, he has earth attributes and with the use of his killer move, "Gan Tessai", he beats the ever-loving daylights out of the stage, with having everyone in the audience, afterwards, jump around in order to create “a feeling that the earth was shaking”. This was later on ripped off by the Ostrich Club.
- Seiji Date [Kourin]:
His hobbies are being a chronically bitter kid that acts like he’s old man. He had the nickname “Cheerful Men’s Club”, but it was chucked soon after. It seems he has a habit of having his limbs coming out on the same side while walking, but he folds his arms to hide this. His personality is what’s referred to in today’s vernacular as ‘tsunderu’. And for some reason, he seems to fall upside down. He has many luminescence and phosphorescence gimmicks, and is always embarrassing the electrical and lighting staff. It’s amazing how many insects he attracts when on open air stages.
-Touma Hashiba [Tenkuu]:
He’s insistent that he’s a direct decedent of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. Though he’s extremely smart, he likes to wear a ginormous headband. When half-asleep he has the ability to move sharply, however he’s a fairly useless airhead during his waking hours. He still continues to upload onto video sites, without permission, the video scene were Mr. Sankhon got KO-ed by the early morning bazooka prank, as he has the agility to not be punked by it. Usually, he has bow and arrow as a matter of convenience but has very few opportunities to use it when indoors. Shooting off something like ‘Shinku Ha’ put holes into things and Mr. Johnny will yell at him for not controlling himself.
- Shin Mouri [Suiko]:
The only member that’s a high school student. He’s everyone’s friendly older brother. A lover of gentle, young animals, but we suggest that you not say that around him. He’d sort-of said, "Is it necessary to have this armor gear while preforming live?" which created We please hope you understand problems. A water drainage gimmick was fully crammed into his trident, the “Nijou Spear”, but it’s fucking heavy. It seems that he became a firefighter after retiring, but we know it’s really all thanks to training with this spear.
Youjakai
The official underdogs... er, actually I mean the rival group.
- Kujuurou Sasaki [Mashou of Darkness Anubis]:
A warrior of darkness, this manner of suave hottie lulls fans into a pleasant slumber with his sweet, sweet voice. Due to production trends and his frequent use of darkness, he became Seiji’s rival. But, when the two of them fight, things get annoying with all that constant flickering and flashing. His killer move is "Jumping Ookiri". It normally looks unspectacular but with him, it’s so lame it’s like the pot calling is calling the kettle black.
- Jirougorou Kuroda [Mashou of Illusions Rajura]:
Just like Anubis, she’s a solider of the night that lulls people into sweet dreams. Both her eyes function quite well despite her wearing an eye-patch. The six tentacle-armed armor isn’t used, at all, in venues due to We please hope you understand. One time, there was talk about her making a debut in professional wrestling wile in Ashura cosplay. Her killer move is "Tochimon". It throws netting... yep, throwing nets... ...Tell me that the Johnnys' are making that crap up!!
- Naotoki Yamano [Mashou of Poison Naaza]:
Changing any poison into medicine, he’s a cuddly therapy boy. A solider who, surprisingly enough, frequent writes book after book with proper message tips on throwing knives. He showed his strategy by creating mayhem with a fake Samurai Trooper armor gear however, he’s obviously blind on account he has no sense of color balance. Don’t lie, you want that hugging you! The killer move his uses is called "Snake Fang Sword - Six Section Serpent", which now has you wondering if Naaza is able to do a 'Rokusouryuu' instead of Rajura?
- Toshitada Komano [The Ogre Mashou Shuten]:
He’s level-headed and protect everyone, but not that over the top. He’s legit from the beginning. It’s sort-of seen that he tend to have problems with the other members. He was the temporary leader however the top boss, Mr. Arago, butted in and got cut from the band. That’s when some feeling of mutiny began developing. His is the only armor gear that has a chan-chanko style jacket that goes with it. It’s said that it was woven by his Ghost Tribe ancestors, but never bring it up as there’s a level of suspicion about it.
- Kayura:
She’s a junior-level band member. This girl is sort-of abused and slightly depressed. She’s in no way a fan of the official guide, as the only things that were listed in her measurement column were close-up shots of her boobs, hips and ass, to which she said "they weren’t measured properly". She believes it’s the staffing.
- The Youja Emperor Arago:
The one who controls the Youjakai, a shadow... opps, I mean the actual boss. He's really Johnny inside a costume. Due to adult circumstances, he can’t work near them.
Extended Activities
Though their activity period was indeed short, their scale was spread out. But, there were many screw-up with the management personnel, such as the rare article that also came out saying that all members would be putting out a self-published, doujin CD that’s "a members-only, extravagantly girl-focused voice drama, though it’s unofficial”. As well as the misunderstanding with the action figures that came out, as the half-hearten essence of the face modeling of the armor gear reproductions was something of an epic failure. There was also the attachable Rekka Fist (a Kikoutei’s arm-part) was that marketed as cosplay merchandise however it wasn’t just some gimmick, as the genuine article cost about the same price, and it was commonly pointed out, "what’s the point in only having one arm", which was also terrible. Many of the goods were prone to failure. Honestly, they were glad if only stuff like fans and glo-sticks sold, although it’s wasn’t till years later when staff let drop that Classified Information.
At that time, they also carried out exceptional overseas performances, expanding into venues such as New York and Australia. Furthermore, "Mukara", a local tribal Tanzania idol, made an appearance in Australia. It was around that time when the academic-related issues began and Shin got stuck with house-sitting in Japan (it went from half-way there on). At that time, the Black Kikoutei was created but, it accidently came out that various budget Classified Information and, for the most part, it was just used once.
---------------------------------------
Notes on name-calling and what it means:
BBA: Japanese text-shorthand for “granny/hag/old troll/Jack Link/Shrek/any offensive term you can think of for someone’s grandma”...
Onesamas: A “nicer” way of referring to yaoi fangirls (since a yaoi fangirl is just as equally-unaccepted of an idea in Japan as in the US... nope, you’re still not special over there).
Cheerful Men’s Club: A TV show that caters to the 45-and-older men’s demographic (read as: if you watch this, your day includes chasing kids off your lawn).
If there's any other articles you're interested in reading, just mention them in the comments (that is, if they actually exist, first). Hopefully this can be some fun times.
*Besides, who doesn’t love Taco Tuesdays... such an underappreciated day of the week.*
Anyways, this installment will focus on Uncyclopedia Japan. Well, most English speakers are familiar with the satirical site Uncyclopeda. However, most don’t know that over 90 language spin-offs exist, including a Japanese version. And even few know of the existence of the Japanese-nationals demographic that sees their own nation and culture as a form of personal amusement.
This post just happens to be instigated by 1_intheshadows. When we talked to each other, last week, I told her about how I took one of my wiki-walk through Japan's version of Uncyclopedia and just happened to stumble across their entry on the 80s cartoon Yoroiden Samurai Troopers. After a few chuckles about flagrant character stereotypes and telling her about how the only difference between the English and Japanese versions is the fact it’s written in a completely different alphabet, she urged me that I should *really* post up a translation. What else could I say but, “Amazeballs!”.
But, before I kick things off, here's a few notes to better explain this insanity
A few translation notes:
This is a verbatim Uncyclopedia translation... jokes have been untouched. Nor did I tone anything down. Therefore, if you find such things triggering as: profanity, sexually suggestive language, fangirl-bashing, Japanese sarcasm, reinforcing Chinese stereotypes, reading what “Glorious Nippon” really thinks about your anime obsession... you might not want to read this.
As Uncyclopedia Japan is its own entity (read as: it’s not a copypast of the English version), I had to screw with some of the links... mainly trying to find the closest English articles on Uncyclopedia that could translate the Japanese humor being conveyed (as I’m in no-freaking-way going to translate *all* of those links featured in the entry). Some I had to improvise with Wikipedia/Youtube/whatever, as those are jokes with no English translation.
If interested, here's the original entry... well, on with the show.
Note: For those of you who are patients of the no-humor plague, the expert info snobs of Wikipedia have written an entry for “Yoroiden Samurai Troopers”.
Yoroiden Samurai Troopers
Yoroiden Samurai Troopers (Armor Legend), was one of the idol groups under the "Johnny’s" label during the 1980s.
Synopsis
As a novelty boy band group, they’re concept was that of singing, dancing and fighting using things like all-out staged sword fights and Japanese-styled weaponry. Though all the band members were students, their main fan base were BBAs... eh, actually, was more like Onesamas calling them "my little brother" or "my husband". Appearing live in sexy, skin-tight armors called "under gear", their usual pattern was to “armor up” mid-way through in armor gear. Then, at the climax, the official live group “The Youjakai” would barge in, with the promise that a violent fight would break out between them. However, their popularity got so huge that they didn’t have enough time to study and disbanded because their graduations was at stake, as they were sort-of not the fast track towards college. Afterwards, an animated TV show was created that was based off their activities and their brand name popularity went up.
The Basic Flow of the Live Show
- Show Start with Under-Gear:
As was mentioned above, they’d roughly appear in tight, full-body under gear and, as if it was some sort of signal for the show’s start, there’d be a flood of shrill screaming as soon as the curtain rose. There was also this one time when the group members appeared on stage in normal cloths, but that their first and last time on account that fans hated Ryou’s regular outfit due to it being impossibly dorky. Shuu’s figure is Classified Information. It should also be noted that since the Samurai Trooper’s live show follows the basic musical flow-chart.
- Youja Invasion → Armoring Up:
With a song repertory of preforming oldies cover songs, the Youja are the junior members of the band (Extras. Silver medalists. They’re in the same league as Shocker Combatmen) that barge in mid-performance, and from there, it breaks into a battle sequence. Stuff like back-flips and levitation were chronically exploited, as that’s just simply Johnny’s franchise, as well as mediocre TV special effects that would wreak havoc on band members. And then, as these hackjobs were half-way finished, there’d be the armoring up with the armor gear. With the stage covered with fabric and cherry blossom petals, they’d force the remaining members to leave, all at once.
VS Mashou～The Next to Pull Out:
When any of the Mashou, the main front-men of the group, came out on stage, that’s when an epic climax would occur as the Mashou would stage a fierce attack, completely ignoring their numerical handicap. In some cases, the Youjakai’s junior-member, Rajura (the only chick in the group), will make an appearance, despite her unpopularity being earth-shattering. But still, it’s so adorable that the fujoshi will claim that she’s a man... one time, after things spiraled in chaos, the band members promised a big turnaround in usage of their special killing moves.
In their last live show, the four Mashou began fighting ageists themselves. A duel began with the Youjakai’s manager, Mr. Arago (the dude inside him is Johnny Kitagawa) and Kikoutei and it all came to an end (their fight isn’t over, yet!!). To the very end...
Members
Samurai Troopers
- Ryou Sanada [Rekka] [Kikoutei]:
The leader of the Samurai Troopers. You’d think he’d have physical strength, hailing from the sticks where there’s nothing but mountains, but for some reason everyone (the fans) seems says ‘he has no physical strength’ and treats him like a princess. His sidelong glances and shaggy hair neckline are his charm points. But his fashion conscious sucks. Although the Rekka armor gear use of fire is a gimmick, it’s not used a lot in venue circumstances. Also, the gear for the Kikoutei wasn’t used further on as all of it costs roughly about the same amount of money.
- Rei Fan Shuu [Kongou]:
The group’s life of the party. In SMAP terms, he’s Shingo. With a family that has a Chinese restaurant, he’s the good boy that they’re always sending delicious provisions to. Though it’s thought he was Chinese, it’s said that he’s half-Japanese as he’s, “from the Minamoto family, you know, the ones who away screaming from the Mongol hoard”. In the case of his everyday fashion, he wears stuff that loves his body, but on the other hand, we all have a hunch that the under-gear he wears his sucking in his body silhouette. No matter how you look at it, he has earth attributes and with the use of his killer move, "Gan Tessai", he beats the ever-loving daylights out of the stage, with having everyone in the audience, afterwards, jump around in order to create “a feeling that the earth was shaking”. This was later on ripped off by the Ostrich Club.
- Seiji Date [Kourin]:
His hobbies are being a chronically bitter kid that acts like he’s old man. He had the nickname “Cheerful Men’s Club”, but it was chucked soon after. It seems he has a habit of having his limbs coming out on the same side while walking, but he folds his arms to hide this. His personality is what’s referred to in today’s vernacular as ‘tsunderu’. And for some reason, he seems to fall upside down. He has many luminescence and phosphorescence gimmicks, and is always embarrassing the electrical and lighting staff. It’s amazing how many insects he attracts when on open air stages.
-Touma Hashiba [Tenkuu]:
He’s insistent that he’s a direct decedent of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. Though he’s extremely smart, he likes to wear a ginormous headband. When half-asleep he has the ability to move sharply, however he’s a fairly useless airhead during his waking hours. He still continues to upload onto video sites, without permission, the video scene were Mr. Sankhon got KO-ed by the early morning bazooka prank, as he has the agility to not be punked by it. Usually, he has bow and arrow as a matter of convenience but has very few opportunities to use it when indoors. Shooting off something like ‘Shinku Ha’ put holes into things and Mr. Johnny will yell at him for not controlling himself.
- Shin Mouri [Suiko]:
The only member that’s a high school student. He’s everyone’s friendly older brother. A lover of gentle, young animals, but we suggest that you not say that around him. He’d sort-of said, "Is it necessary to have this armor gear while preforming live?" which created We please hope you understand problems. A water drainage gimmick was fully crammed into his trident, the “Nijou Spear”, but it’s fucking heavy. It seems that he became a firefighter after retiring, but we know it’s really all thanks to training with this spear.
Youjakai
The official underdogs... er, actually I mean the rival group.
- Kujuurou Sasaki [Mashou of Darkness Anubis]:
A warrior of darkness, this manner of suave hottie lulls fans into a pleasant slumber with his sweet, sweet voice. Due to production trends and his frequent use of darkness, he became Seiji’s rival. But, when the two of them fight, things get annoying with all that constant flickering and flashing. His killer move is "Jumping Ookiri". It normally looks unspectacular but with him, it’s so lame it’s like the pot calling is calling the kettle black.
- Jirougorou Kuroda [Mashou of Illusions Rajura]:
Just like Anubis, she’s a solider of the night that lulls people into sweet dreams. Both her eyes function quite well despite her wearing an eye-patch. The six tentacle-armed armor isn’t used, at all, in venues due to We please hope you understand. One time, there was talk about her making a debut in professional wrestling wile in Ashura cosplay. Her killer move is "Tochimon". It throws netting... yep, throwing nets... ...Tell me that the Johnnys' are making that crap up!!
- Naotoki Yamano [Mashou of Poison Naaza]:
Changing any poison into medicine, he’s a cuddly therapy boy. A solider who, surprisingly enough, frequent writes book after book with proper message tips on throwing knives. He showed his strategy by creating mayhem with a fake Samurai Trooper armor gear however, he’s obviously blind on account he has no sense of color balance. Don’t lie, you want that hugging you! The killer move his uses is called "Snake Fang Sword - Six Section Serpent", which now has you wondering if Naaza is able to do a 'Rokusouryuu' instead of Rajura?
- Toshitada Komano [The Ogre Mashou Shuten]:
He’s level-headed and protect everyone, but not that over the top. He’s legit from the beginning. It’s sort-of seen that he tend to have problems with the other members. He was the temporary leader however the top boss, Mr. Arago, butted in and got cut from the band. That’s when some feeling of mutiny began developing. His is the only armor gear that has a chan-chanko style jacket that goes with it. It’s said that it was woven by his Ghost Tribe ancestors, but never bring it up as there’s a level of suspicion about it.
- Kayura:
She’s a junior-level band member. This girl is sort-of abused and slightly depressed. She’s in no way a fan of the official guide, as the only things that were listed in her measurement column were close-up shots of her boobs, hips and ass, to which she said "they weren’t measured properly". She believes it’s the staffing.
- The Youja Emperor Arago:
The one who controls the Youjakai, a shadow... opps, I mean the actual boss. He's really Johnny inside a costume. Due to adult circumstances, he can’t work near them.
Extended Activities
Though their activity period was indeed short, their scale was spread out. But, there were many screw-up with the management personnel, such as the rare article that also came out saying that all members would be putting out a self-published, doujin CD that’s "a members-only, extravagantly girl-focused voice drama, though it’s unofficial”. As well as the misunderstanding with the action figures that came out, as the half-hearten essence of the face modeling of the armor gear reproductions was something of an epic failure. There was also the attachable Rekka Fist (a Kikoutei’s arm-part) was that marketed as cosplay merchandise however it wasn’t just some gimmick, as the genuine article cost about the same price, and it was commonly pointed out, "what’s the point in only having one arm", which was also terrible. Many of the goods were prone to failure. Honestly, they were glad if only stuff like fans and glo-sticks sold, although it’s wasn’t till years later when staff let drop that Classified Information.
At that time, they also carried out exceptional overseas performances, expanding into venues such as New York and Australia. Furthermore, "Mukara", a local tribal Tanzania idol, made an appearance in Australia. It was around that time when the academic-related issues began and Shin got stuck with house-sitting in Japan (it went from half-way there on). At that time, the Black Kikoutei was created but, it accidently came out that various budget Classified Information and, for the most part, it was just used once.
---------------------------------------
Notes on name-calling and what it means:
BBA: Japanese text-shorthand for “granny/hag/old troll/Jack Link/Shrek/any offensive term you can think of for someone’s grandma”...
Onesamas: A “nicer” way of referring to yaoi fangirls (since a yaoi fangirl is just as equally-unaccepted of an idea in Japan as in the US... nope, you’re still not special over there).
Cheerful Men’s Club: A TV show that caters to the 45-and-older men’s demographic (read as: if you watch this, your day includes chasing kids off your lawn).
If there's any other articles you're interested in reading, just mention them in the comments (that is, if they actually exist, first). Hopefully this can be some fun times.