Sweet Smelling....
Five weeks after my last comment made...
Dare I say that if I've learned anything in the past couple months it's been that time is your one constant companion. It's bruttle and honest, always pushing you, occasionally giving you what you need and sometimes not slowing down so you can breathe. And once some time has passed and you look back, it can be rather amazing at all that traveled either with you or past you.
Alright, since I'm sure not everyone wants to read everything I have to say, LJcuts:
Hm, the last time I updated was during my finals in December. Wow. Well, a quick catch up, then. My finals actually went really, really well. I came out with a B in my Ethics class - perfectly happy to me and what I was expecting. What surprised me was that I pulled an A in my Brit. Lit (1300's-1800)! I was expecting a C, B at best. It was the whole reading things in Middle English that got me, that and I missed a few classes, didn't turn in all the homework and sort of bullshitted through my final assignment. Apparently, as I think I only did average on my final, my final assignment must have been good enough. I sort of changed the assignment and did what I wanted rather than what we were supposed to do. We were supposed to compare two works from two different time periods that we'd read and compare something - such as how heroism was viewed, how it was written, love, sex, religion, politics, something of that sort. Instead, I took two works that were only within 20 years of each other (John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi and Shakespear's The Twelfth Night) and compared heroism. One was a tragedy and one was a comedy. !?!?!wtf!?!?!? Oh well, came out with an A. It's surprising me that this time around in school (my second time in uni) I'm actually doing well in English classes.
So Christmas came and went. It actually wasn't too bad at my apartment. I called my brother and, honestly, I should talk to him more. I'd forgotten how, even with our 10 years apart and barely anything in common, we're so close. We can talk and just know and understand each other. And really, no one else in this world knows what either of us had gone through with our family other than each other, we're in a very similar boat. So, he talked to my mom and made things as right as he could, as well as they'll be on this front. By the time x-mas eve rolled around, everyone was basically talking to each other and aware that they'd all be together. And aside from the few yelling/arguing fights that occurred when they arrived (mostly between my parents and granny) things went well. Strange, but well. And Christmas Day is still my favorite day of the past few months. It was wonderful. Adam's family is great. We spent the day at his parent's house and the only time I got off the couch was to eat. Adam's 5 yr old niece even helped me open all my gifts - the smallest of energy was used for me that day. It was great. And I recieved a lot of Beatles stuff and very me stuff which was nice and needed. *grin*
And New Year's was actually fun and went off without a hitch for once. Mandy and her roomates had a party and I brought the new year in with my two favorite people, Adam and Mandy. And pictures actually survived from the night! A first in years. lol. I'd say more but it was just your average drunken ball. *grins*
So meanwhile, work has been consuming me. But, strangely enough, it's been in a positive way. If someone asked me a year ago, hell, 6 months ago, where I'd be now at work, I'd never imagined this being the answer. I'm slipping into my new position rather well now. We finally have our third assistant who's wonderful and competent (a very hard trait to find apparently) and she's quickly becoming a friend. Our store, even with all of our setbacks at the end of 2005, is doing great, we're highest volume in our district finally. And our District Manager is going on a rampage with the new year over under-quality employees- of the manager, assistant manager and cashiering kind. However, for once in my life, I actually feel secure. That's a strong word to say in retail business, but I do feel safe. Traci was gone for a little over a week (my store manager) which left me in charge of running the store completely. Granted, no big deal as she's gone on vacation before, but this time it was all me. My DM was on vacation and Barb (old asst. manager at my store, now a store manager at another store)were also on vacation so my support line was dwindled down to managers I don't like nor think are very capable. And my assistant has barely been there two months (now). However, we did brilliantly. Even passed an audit (a sort of test) from our AP (asset protection) department with flying colors, which we don't normally do in the first place. I still have things to work on, things to learn and areas to grow in, but I think I'm actually confident in progressing. We had to fill out these 'self rate' surveys for our DM and Traci put me as promotable to a Store manager within 9-12 months. That scares the hell out of me, but I know I can do it. =) And aside from feeling loved by my staff, I also, actually feel respected. The gaining respect as their boss and being their friend has been a thin line for me since i"ve been in management and I think I finally have a hold on it.
On the other hand - I've been offered a different job. One of my (many) old store manager's called me about a week ago and offered me a position in her store (who is my current employer's competition) for more money. About $5500 more a year for doing basically the same job. Her company seems to take better care of their people than mine and their a bigger company which means more money, more incentives, and better insurance and such. BUT, it's an hour away from me currently (and through St. Louis traffic) and I'm unsure of the idea of working under her again as my immediate supervisor. She's a doll and she loved me, but she's not...strong. She's not very disiplinary with her staff (something I've come a long way to be) and her staff tends to lack a lot of respect for her (something that hasn't changed). I went and checked out her store, talked with her, watched her customers and staff and I'm just leaning towards no, but unsure. I'm not sure if it's just a matter of I'm comfortable and feeling as though I really have an avenue to travel in my current job so I don't want to leave or if my reasons for saying no are actually justified. I don't want to just jump and make the decision - this could be a great opportunity for me - new company, new people, new avenues. I haven't told Traci yet....
School's started up again and this semester I backed down and took Intro to Lit. *laughs* I think I'll get by easy in this class. I've even had the proffessor for a 200 level Lit class before so I've read half the stuff he's giving us. My other class is Political Science which, aside from the fact that the prof. is 80 and looks as though he's going to keel over any moment (so he has those senior tendancies to just talk and talk and talk...), I think I like the class. I'm not big into politics but I have my issues and I do try to stay up to date. So far it's been boring, going over things I've learned in every American History like class I've ever taken...
I did go talk to an Advisor the other day, though. See, I still have no idea what to actually major in. I'll be junior status after this semester so I really need to decide (even though it's still going to take me 50 years to graduate at my rate). I've looked into both sociology and english, but once I hit the senior level, I'm not so interested anymore. So I was thinking of just a Liberal Arts Major - make up my own, basically. BUT - I don't know. The Advisor was really great and broke everything down for me to think on. It's all really a matter of what classes I want to take (a liberal major would force me to take math and sciences - Jenna stuff, not Missy stuff) and what sort of senior project I'd want to do. However, Adam's only got two semesters (plus this summer) and his intern over next (not this coming) summer left and he'll graduate (with honors, at his rate *beams proudly*). That means that in a year and half's time, we could move to Lennon knows where. Maybe just to St. Louis, maybe to California, Florida, Texas, New York - anywhere. Which means me going to school would be totally self motivated (something I ought to do...) and I'd be able to focus as I wouldn't have to work full time anymore. So I'd more than likely transfer to another uni and....who knows where that'll take me. Maybe I just won't declare yet....
On a personal front- I think, I daresay, I'm happy. Not just content for a change. I've not been as close to both Mandy and Adam as I am now...ever. (In the past, it's always been a struggle with those two competing for my attention). We go out at least weekly, the three of us, to dinner or something. And I think New Year's brought them a bit closer, which is awesome for me. I've actually been able to step back from my family and not feel guilty for a change. I'm constantly busy, constantly - and although I'm not really closer to knowing what I want out of life, I think I'm closer to a stage where I can decide. I'm, after years of frustration, becoming happy with who I am and how I am. And I'm sure everyone knows what an accomplishment like that is. lol. Not to say I don't have my bleak moments, but I don't struggle with them as I once was. Could be I just don't have time....lol.
Writing...I barely if ever have time! It kills me, it so really does. But, I think that lately I've been getting itchy for it, and getting myself ready to be thrown back in. Both on the fanfiction front and original. And that excites me. lol.
Fanfiction-wise - I've been rethinking wdmc and I've (finally) started to write Chapter 14. I've rethought it, and my plans for the last chapter (15) are now different, so I need to figure that out, but hopefully in the next few weeks (although my time will be sparse, valentines day and inventory are in February at work) I'll get 14 out. And continue putting it up on UR.org.
Annnd, I've plans for the next chapter in RtW (I'm, writing-wise, far ahead of what's ever been posted) which is getting me real excited. Hopefully, if UR.org comes back up this weekend, I can start posting that one.
And. Haha...I suppose to get myself back into writing, I needed to start with something fresh, so I've started working on this idea I had months ago - a Peter fic. I think my ideas for it are coming along and I'm actually excited about getting into that as well. I also have, what is currently a one-shot but could expand, a dribble in MWPP-era that I may post as well. And I have so much reading of fics to do! I'm excited. I could be doing all of that instead of updating....lol.
It did occur to me, a while ago, that I constantly -disappear- with little or no explanation. I feel horrible about that, simply in regards to the friends I've made online, the people that I'm becoming friends with, and the people that I could become friends with - if I were actually online. One friend put it so; growing up, finding other responsibilities, the 'online all the time' stage is just over. And I fear that because I've truelly had wonderful experiences on here and have made somem wonderful, life long I hope, friends. I suppose it's just that life has a way of bouncing things around and online tends to get pushed back. That doesn't mean that it's any less important to me or that any of you aren't important to me. I just needed to say that, and hope you all understand. Decisive I am not, so making decisions - and explaining them- is always hard for me, no matter what the decision is.
Point is - I've been busy, exceptionally, but I love you all. I miss you guys when I'm not around. It'd be almost silly to say that I hope I can manage more time on here - I never follow through with planned plans ... but here's to hoping time will be willing to be my friend a bit more in the coming year now that I've accepted it more graciously.
Hope you all are well. My love to you all. <3
missers
p.s. some things never change, and I fear, my babbling tendencies will forever be one of those.....*giggle*
p.s.2. Did I just giggle?!?!
Dare I say that if I've learned anything in the past couple months it's been that time is your one constant companion. It's bruttle and honest, always pushing you, occasionally giving you what you need and sometimes not slowing down so you can breathe. And once some time has passed and you look back, it can be rather amazing at all that traveled either with you or past you.
Alright, since I'm sure not everyone wants to read everything I have to say, LJcuts:
Hm, the last time I updated was during my finals in December. Wow. Well, a quick catch up, then. My finals actually went really, really well. I came out with a B in my Ethics class - perfectly happy to me and what I was expecting. What surprised me was that I pulled an A in my Brit. Lit (1300's-1800)! I was expecting a C, B at best. It was the whole reading things in Middle English that got me, that and I missed a few classes, didn't turn in all the homework and sort of bullshitted through my final assignment. Apparently, as I think I only did average on my final, my final assignment must have been good enough. I sort of changed the assignment and did what I wanted rather than what we were supposed to do. We were supposed to compare two works from two different time periods that we'd read and compare something - such as how heroism was viewed, how it was written, love, sex, religion, politics, something of that sort. Instead, I took two works that were only within 20 years of each other (John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi and Shakespear's The Twelfth Night) and compared heroism. One was a tragedy and one was a comedy. !?!?!wtf!?!?!? Oh well, came out with an A. It's surprising me that this time around in school (my second time in uni) I'm actually doing well in English classes.
So Christmas came and went. It actually wasn't too bad at my apartment. I called my brother and, honestly, I should talk to him more. I'd forgotten how, even with our 10 years apart and barely anything in common, we're so close. We can talk and just know and understand each other. And really, no one else in this world knows what either of us had gone through with our family other than each other, we're in a very similar boat. So, he talked to my mom and made things as right as he could, as well as they'll be on this front. By the time x-mas eve rolled around, everyone was basically talking to each other and aware that they'd all be together. And aside from the few yelling/arguing fights that occurred when they arrived (mostly between my parents and granny) things went well. Strange, but well. And Christmas Day is still my favorite day of the past few months. It was wonderful. Adam's family is great. We spent the day at his parent's house and the only time I got off the couch was to eat. Adam's 5 yr old niece even helped me open all my gifts - the smallest of energy was used for me that day. It was great. And I recieved a lot of Beatles stuff and very me stuff which was nice and needed. *grin*
And New Year's was actually fun and went off without a hitch for once. Mandy and her roomates had a party and I brought the new year in with my two favorite people, Adam and Mandy. And pictures actually survived from the night! A first in years. lol. I'd say more but it was just your average drunken ball. *grins*
So meanwhile, work has been consuming me. But, strangely enough, it's been in a positive way. If someone asked me a year ago, hell, 6 months ago, where I'd be now at work, I'd never imagined this being the answer. I'm slipping into my new position rather well now. We finally have our third assistant who's wonderful and competent (a very hard trait to find apparently) and she's quickly becoming a friend. Our store, even with all of our setbacks at the end of 2005, is doing great, we're highest volume in our district finally. And our District Manager is going on a rampage with the new year over under-quality employees- of the manager, assistant manager and cashiering kind. However, for once in my life, I actually feel secure. That's a strong word to say in retail business, but I do feel safe. Traci was gone for a little over a week (my store manager) which left me in charge of running the store completely. Granted, no big deal as she's gone on vacation before, but this time it was all me. My DM was on vacation and Barb (old asst. manager at my store, now a store manager at another store)were also on vacation so my support line was dwindled down to managers I don't like nor think are very capable. And my assistant has barely been there two months (now). However, we did brilliantly. Even passed an audit (a sort of test) from our AP (asset protection) department with flying colors, which we don't normally do in the first place. I still have things to work on, things to learn and areas to grow in, but I think I'm actually confident in progressing. We had to fill out these 'self rate' surveys for our DM and Traci put me as promotable to a Store manager within 9-12 months. That scares the hell out of me, but I know I can do it. =) And aside from feeling loved by my staff, I also, actually feel respected. The gaining respect as their boss and being their friend has been a thin line for me since i"ve been in management and I think I finally have a hold on it.
On the other hand - I've been offered a different job. One of my (many) old store manager's called me about a week ago and offered me a position in her store (who is my current employer's competition) for more money. About $5500 more a year for doing basically the same job. Her company seems to take better care of their people than mine and their a bigger company which means more money, more incentives, and better insurance and such. BUT, it's an hour away from me currently (and through St. Louis traffic) and I'm unsure of the idea of working under her again as my immediate supervisor. She's a doll and she loved me, but she's not...strong. She's not very disiplinary with her staff (something I've come a long way to be) and her staff tends to lack a lot of respect for her (something that hasn't changed). I went and checked out her store, talked with her, watched her customers and staff and I'm just leaning towards no, but unsure. I'm not sure if it's just a matter of I'm comfortable and feeling as though I really have an avenue to travel in my current job so I don't want to leave or if my reasons for saying no are actually justified. I don't want to just jump and make the decision - this could be a great opportunity for me - new company, new people, new avenues. I haven't told Traci yet....
School's started up again and this semester I backed down and took Intro to Lit. *laughs* I think I'll get by easy in this class. I've even had the proffessor for a 200 level Lit class before so I've read half the stuff he's giving us. My other class is Political Science which, aside from the fact that the prof. is 80 and looks as though he's going to keel over any moment (so he has those senior tendancies to just talk and talk and talk...), I think I like the class. I'm not big into politics but I have my issues and I do try to stay up to date. So far it's been boring, going over things I've learned in every American History like class I've ever taken...
I did go talk to an Advisor the other day, though. See, I still have no idea what to actually major in. I'll be junior status after this semester so I really need to decide (even though it's still going to take me 50 years to graduate at my rate). I've looked into both sociology and english, but once I hit the senior level, I'm not so interested anymore. So I was thinking of just a Liberal Arts Major - make up my own, basically. BUT - I don't know. The Advisor was really great and broke everything down for me to think on. It's all really a matter of what classes I want to take (a liberal major would force me to take math and sciences - Jenna stuff, not Missy stuff) and what sort of senior project I'd want to do. However, Adam's only got two semesters (plus this summer) and his intern over next (not this coming) summer left and he'll graduate (with honors, at his rate *beams proudly*). That means that in a year and half's time, we could move to Lennon knows where. Maybe just to St. Louis, maybe to California, Florida, Texas, New York - anywhere. Which means me going to school would be totally self motivated (something I ought to do...) and I'd be able to focus as I wouldn't have to work full time anymore. So I'd more than likely transfer to another uni and....who knows where that'll take me. Maybe I just won't declare yet....
On a personal front- I think, I daresay, I'm happy. Not just content for a change. I've not been as close to both Mandy and Adam as I am now...ever. (In the past, it's always been a struggle with those two competing for my attention). We go out at least weekly, the three of us, to dinner or something. And I think New Year's brought them a bit closer, which is awesome for me. I've actually been able to step back from my family and not feel guilty for a change. I'm constantly busy, constantly - and although I'm not really closer to knowing what I want out of life, I think I'm closer to a stage where I can decide. I'm, after years of frustration, becoming happy with who I am and how I am. And I'm sure everyone knows what an accomplishment like that is. lol. Not to say I don't have my bleak moments, but I don't struggle with them as I once was. Could be I just don't have time....lol.
Writing...I barely if ever have time! It kills me, it so really does. But, I think that lately I've been getting itchy for it, and getting myself ready to be thrown back in. Both on the fanfiction front and original. And that excites me. lol.
Fanfiction-wise - I've been rethinking wdmc and I've (finally) started to write Chapter 14. I've rethought it, and my plans for the last chapter (15) are now different, so I need to figure that out, but hopefully in the next few weeks (although my time will be sparse, valentines day and inventory are in February at work) I'll get 14 out. And continue putting it up on UR.org.
Annnd, I've plans for the next chapter in RtW (I'm, writing-wise, far ahead of what's ever been posted) which is getting me real excited. Hopefully, if UR.org comes back up this weekend, I can start posting that one.
And. Haha...I suppose to get myself back into writing, I needed to start with something fresh, so I've started working on this idea I had months ago - a Peter fic. I think my ideas for it are coming along and I'm actually excited about getting into that as well. I also have, what is currently a one-shot but could expand, a dribble in MWPP-era that I may post as well. And I have so much reading of fics to do! I'm excited. I could be doing all of that instead of updating....lol.
It did occur to me, a while ago, that I constantly -disappear- with little or no explanation. I feel horrible about that, simply in regards to the friends I've made online, the people that I'm becoming friends with, and the people that I could become friends with - if I were actually online. One friend put it so; growing up, finding other responsibilities, the 'online all the time' stage is just over. And I fear that because I've truelly had wonderful experiences on here and have made somem wonderful, life long I hope, friends. I suppose it's just that life has a way of bouncing things around and online tends to get pushed back. That doesn't mean that it's any less important to me or that any of you aren't important to me. I just needed to say that, and hope you all understand. Decisive I am not, so making decisions - and explaining them- is always hard for me, no matter what the decision is.
Point is - I've been busy, exceptionally, but I love you all. I miss you guys when I'm not around. It'd be almost silly to say that I hope I can manage more time on here - I never follow through with planned plans ... but here's to hoping time will be willing to be my friend a bit more in the coming year now that I've accepted it more graciously.
Hope you all are well. My love to you all. <3
missers
p.s. some things never change, and I fear, my babbling tendencies will forever be one of those.....*giggle*
p.s.2. Did I just giggle?!?!