this it is, this is the end of the process.
Do you feel neglected my little journal? Well. You should, seeing as how I never post anything of god forsaken quality in here.
So…I dunno. Finals are officially over today and I’m finally done with it. For a whole month, I am sans homework and without any kind of stress besides that of work. And trust me! I could use some sleep.
Im so frustrated with everything. Ugh.
Justin and I broke up. And a break up brings out the worst in people. The details aren’t important. It doesn’t matter, in the end, who said what, or who did what…
But to say that you feel dirty when you break up with someone? Ugh. I am NOT dirty. I am a not a whore. I am not a slut. I do not have free sex with people. Every person that I have ever had sex with I have either been in a relationship with or wanted to…
And yes Anderson-gate 2003…as you all know, does count towards this.
I read this-to my own mistake-during my English final while I was typing up my essay…and ugh, just couldn’t think. I can’t think now. I suppose ti might be a good thing…then I can’t rant and rave like I meant to.
But that does not make me dirty. Ooh. But it doesn’t matter right…again, a breakup brings out the worst in people.
I don’t have regrets. I try to live my life that way. Sometimes, I know that there was more I could have done, or more I could have said, but it’s what I chose to do. School is the most important thing to me right now and if other people can’t understand that or don’t like the way I work or deal with stress…then, there’s nothing I can do about it. I tried…it didn’t work. What am I supposed to say?
I never once asked him to give up anything while we were together. Not once. What he did was of his own accord…but of course, I wasn’t allowed to keep Matt.
Matt is more important to me than anyone else in this entire world. I’ve been in love with him since the day I met him. I wont deny it. I really can’t anymore. It doesn’t matter anymore. But for anyone to say that I can’t be with him or I cant see him, cant talk to him…eh, well…that’s too bad. No man is worth breaking that bond that we have. He’s my Senmut…and I love him.
Moving right along. I figure I’m done talking about Justin. I figure ill take everything that is his in this house and return it tomorrow…but I really don’t feel like doing much of anything.
I went tanning again today and that was the best thing I have done in a long time. I forgot how much it made me feel better. I get so freakin’ depressed during the wintertime, its not even funny. Tanning makes it much better.
Ive decided that my New Year’s resolution this year is to use Monday-Wednesday-and Fridays to work on my body. After watching the Victoria Secret show…and realizing my body doesn’t look like that anymore…and Karis can no longer be jealous of my once-awesome abs….i need to start using my Y membership and going back to the gym…so…might be there soon sometime.
I’m so relieved to be done with school. Im so tired of always going to classes. I only needed to get 95 points on my math test to pass, although im still worried. Im tired. Im annoyed.
Im going to get out of Belvidere as soon as possible. Im thinking of an apartment at U of I and it sounds very nice to me right now.
Ugh. Im so tired. I don’t even want to type about whats on my mind. Grkfskfjsklfjkldjfsjfljk! Maybe some other time.
So…I dunno. Finals are officially over today and I’m finally done with it. For a whole month, I am sans homework and without any kind of stress besides that of work. And trust me! I could use some sleep.
Im so frustrated with everything. Ugh.
Justin and I broke up. And a break up brings out the worst in people. The details aren’t important. It doesn’t matter, in the end, who said what, or who did what…
But to say that you feel dirty when you break up with someone? Ugh. I am NOT dirty. I am a not a whore. I am not a slut. I do not have free sex with people. Every person that I have ever had sex with I have either been in a relationship with or wanted to…
And yes Anderson-gate 2003…as you all know, does count towards this.
I read this-to my own mistake-during my English final while I was typing up my essay…and ugh, just couldn’t think. I can’t think now. I suppose ti might be a good thing…then I can’t rant and rave like I meant to.
But that does not make me dirty. Ooh. But it doesn’t matter right…again, a breakup brings out the worst in people.
I don’t have regrets. I try to live my life that way. Sometimes, I know that there was more I could have done, or more I could have said, but it’s what I chose to do. School is the most important thing to me right now and if other people can’t understand that or don’t like the way I work or deal with stress…then, there’s nothing I can do about it. I tried…it didn’t work. What am I supposed to say?
I never once asked him to give up anything while we were together. Not once. What he did was of his own accord…but of course, I wasn’t allowed to keep Matt.
Matt is more important to me than anyone else in this entire world. I’ve been in love with him since the day I met him. I wont deny it. I really can’t anymore. It doesn’t matter anymore. But for anyone to say that I can’t be with him or I cant see him, cant talk to him…eh, well…that’s too bad. No man is worth breaking that bond that we have. He’s my Senmut…and I love him.
Moving right along. I figure I’m done talking about Justin. I figure ill take everything that is his in this house and return it tomorrow…but I really don’t feel like doing much of anything.
I went tanning again today and that was the best thing I have done in a long time. I forgot how much it made me feel better. I get so freakin’ depressed during the wintertime, its not even funny. Tanning makes it much better.
Ive decided that my New Year’s resolution this year is to use Monday-Wednesday-and Fridays to work on my body. After watching the Victoria Secret show…and realizing my body doesn’t look like that anymore…and Karis can no longer be jealous of my once-awesome abs….i need to start using my Y membership and going back to the gym…so…might be there soon sometime.
I’m so relieved to be done with school. Im so tired of always going to classes. I only needed to get 95 points on my math test to pass, although im still worried. Im tired. Im annoyed.
Im going to get out of Belvidere as soon as possible. Im thinking of an apartment at U of I and it sounds very nice to me right now.
Ugh. Im so tired. I don’t even want to type about whats on my mind. Grkfskfjsklfjkldjfsjfljk! Maybe some other time.