I've gotta update again.

[moomoomama]

Gah!

I. Just. Want. To. Slap. Myself. In. The. Face.

Really...I dunno. I don't know what I'm doing. ah.

Sigh. I'm ruining everything and it sucks...and I hate myself for it.

Never in my life have I felt so freakin' confused and twisted and pulled...and...I want to freakin' talk about it...but when I do...I say absolutely nothing.

It's as though I hit a huge big wall...

If I could shout out how I feel, I would...I want to so badly...but there's something holding me back.

Damn fear to hell. Is it even fear? Hm...I dunno.

Sigh.

Why is there so much pressure? Ugh.

I don't want to have kids.

I want to finish college.

I'm scared I will to the first, and won't to the second...

Is that why I can't say it? Ugh!

I think it comes down to this: I'm getting swept away...and if I don't keep my head above the water....well...I'll let it sweep me where it will..

It's would be so EASY to let the current take me...and I would love to see where this current sweeps me...

But...I could leave so much behind..

I'm leaving my childhood behind, me thinks, and that scares me.

Man...I can be rather poetic sometimes.......