It wasn't like that in my day.....
Ow. My eyes are doing the weird thing where they want to jump out of my eye sockets and terrorise small villages in the mountains. Well they’re no going to succeed mainly because eyes don’t have legs. Come and rub my eyes for me. You know you want to. Another reason for me to be an irate little teen…my brother has downloaded that msn virus onto my beloved computer. I hope he dribble all over his pillow whilst he’s asleep and wakes up all disorientated and vile, unapologetic little bastard. I can’t do ‘Crtl’ + ‘Alt’ + ‘Del’ now, I got through my I.T. gcse on that and now it’s just gone! I shall berate him later when I’ve sorted out all my priorities.
Hmmm…important things that have happened or will be happening that I can tell you about…there are none. Lionel, pass me the salt…there are some slugs in the garden, which will melt like a fat kids ice cream in the sun whilst it’s chasing birds. What? Stop looking at me like that…it’s all in the eyes! Come over here and adore me, I’m so very bored. I would write about myself but I don’t want to. I want to write about someone else’s life…maybe yours or maybe hers! Oh yes that does sound like fun. Hurry up Spring…I need to wash my car and Hoover her little seats that no normal sized person would be able to fit in. I may have to acquire a child from somewhere to make it look like it’s not my just tarting around, that there’s a purpose. Ah fuck it, if you don’t like it just get out of my way.
New paragraph. My attention span is so short I can’t even be bothered to finish this post. I just want to go back to sleep or sit watching people pass whilst listening to music. Why do I have to be productive?! The youth of today hates you and pouts in your general direction. What a horrible waste of space…. lets all go to the park…I don’t want the swings babies use, just give me the answer! Where is oblivion when you need it?
I've been on hold to the Carphone Warehouse for the past hour, die machine...DIE!
...and now tell me how beautiful my car is...
Hmmm…important things that have happened or will be happening that I can tell you about…there are none. Lionel, pass me the salt…there are some slugs in the garden, which will melt like a fat kids ice cream in the sun whilst it’s chasing birds. What? Stop looking at me like that…it’s all in the eyes! Come over here and adore me, I’m so very bored. I would write about myself but I don’t want to. I want to write about someone else’s life…maybe yours or maybe hers! Oh yes that does sound like fun. Hurry up Spring…I need to wash my car and Hoover her little seats that no normal sized person would be able to fit in. I may have to acquire a child from somewhere to make it look like it’s not my just tarting around, that there’s a purpose. Ah fuck it, if you don’t like it just get out of my way.
New paragraph. My attention span is so short I can’t even be bothered to finish this post. I just want to go back to sleep or sit watching people pass whilst listening to music. Why do I have to be productive?! The youth of today hates you and pouts in your general direction. What a horrible waste of space…. lets all go to the park…I don’t want the swings babies use, just give me the answer! Where is oblivion when you need it?
I've been on hold to the Carphone Warehouse for the past hour, die machine...DIE!
...and now tell me how beautiful my car is...