if you're not loving, you're dying
this year, i discovered the key to happiness.
it's not a steady boyfriend.
it's not good grades.
it's not being successful or always having a friend to call.
it's having yourself to call.
i never thought i'd want to call upon myself for support- i was too big of a romantic for that.
i've never been so happy in my life.
i've never been so content.
i haven't cried since sometime in 2006. (other than once in sympathy for a weeping relative, which is more than forgivable i think)
our faults are what we give ourselves to justify deserving more.
when we feel sad, it is not because of someone else's faults.
when we feel inadequate, it is not because we are inadequate, it is because we have convinced ourselves that approval is the only real form of legitimacy.
why have we lied ourselves into misery?
i am beyond myself in excitment for this way of living. everyday is gets easier and easier to love without expectations of return. if someone doesn't try as hard for me as i am for them, it is not because i am undeserving, it is because they do not know how to love. a love that is not unconditional is not a love i want anyway... in fact, it's not love at all.
so, i have found myself in some odd relationship predicaments, but it doesn't bother me at all. i will wait for people to return as friends when they are ready, and i won't say a negative word untill then or after. i have found the satisfaction in basing self quality off of MY actions, rather than the actions received by others.
this life is fantastic.
there are so many ways to live it.
there are so many different people to be.
there is so much to see, feel, hear, taste, know.
there is so much.
it is unfortunate that i will never have an effect on you again. i doubt we could ever be close enough, even if we really, really wanted to be. but that does not mean i won't be you're friend. i will not say a mean word about you. i will love you for eternity, and maybe someday, it will be returned. if not... then at least i can say i did my part.
i'm sorry this was long, but i'm not going to be posting much anymore.
maybe it was inspiring. maybe it made you think.
maybe not.
but in any case, love before you die.