A Bit of Downtime
So, I'm supposed to be in class right now...
I'm on break, but I'm taking a bit longer than what's expected. I don't think the teacher will mind. We've already had our sculptures graded and all that's left to do is work on drawings for our next sculptures, the caricatures.
I got an A- on mine, but I can easily bring it up to an A, the teacher said.
I'm feeling more and more inclined to just quit right now, but I suppose I can't. My GPA's pretty okay, I guess. A 3.2. If I had a 3.5, I could apply for the 50th Anniversary scholarship here. It'd help out...Not much, but a little.
I have to go back to South Carolina at the end of this quarter. It's disappointing. I really didn't plan on taking any breaks from college. I figured I'd just stay here and go straight there, no vacations (other than the time given to us for vacation), no rest. Just get in and out. But, things aren't going so well financially.
My scholarship is at an end and because of my mom's money problems (caused by her asshole of an ex-boyfriend), we can't get the loan I need to continue attending.
If I were to stay here and continue, I would have to make monthly payments of $1,700.
I don't have that kind of money...I've never even SEEN that much in one place. I make about $500 a month where I work. Maybe $600, if I'm lucky.
My education's temporarily shot. I keep worrying that if I stop now, I'll never be able to go back. I'll be stuck in a job that I despise in a career that doesn't fit my personality with people that hate me for the rest of my life and when I'm old and gray and alone, talking to other peoples' grandchildren instead of the grandchildren I SHOULD have had, I'll talk about how I was going to be a fantastic artist one day.
...Maybe...maybe not. It depends on fate, and fate doesn't want me in school right now, I guess.
Maybe it has something different planned for me. Maybe something better, maybe worse, but I suppose I just have to trust it.
I spent a lot of time crying over this. Time that I could have used for more productive means and it makes me feel bad. I hate crying. It's the sort of thing that makes you cringe when you see other people doing it and feel guily when you do it yourself.
My friend comforted me at one point. Told me that it's okay to cry. I couldn't help but think "NO, it's not." But, thinking about THAT later made me wonder why I hate it so much.
Why DO I hate crying? Because it shows emotion. It makes people worry and, some people, feel sad. It makes them pity you. It makes them turn away in disgust unless you cry like the pretty girl on the big screens in movie theaters. Then, you get their attention.
It makes me shudder. Some people say that they feel better after they've cried about something. Like a weight's been lifted.
I feel worse. I feel as if twenty tons have been dropped on my back and my lungs won't work and the entire world is glaring at me for even DARING of spilling tears.
I'd rather smile. At least when you smile, you KNOW it's a happy emotion.
I don't like being sad. I don't like it when others are sad. Honestly, when I see other people are sad, I feel sadder than if I had been the sad one to begin with.
Lord, I've gone on a tangent.
Anyways, I'm supposed to be going back home at the end of September, when the quarter's finished. I'm hoping that I can stay a little longer. Just long enough to go to AWA. Ooooh, that'd be so fun. I WAS planning on cosplaying, but I might not, now. I might just go as myself, hang around, draw some things...
Like bishounen. I LOVE bishounen. I'm addicted to them. I've been drawing nothing but bishounen for the past few weeks and I still haven't gotten them out of my system. Maybe I've drawn some girls in there, once or twice, but mainly boys. Girls are pretty and all, but boys are soooooooo...good to look at...I mean...COME ON. They're BOYS. They have muscles and lean bodies (well, some of them do) and they're tall and exhiliaratingl...Unlike girls, are are just awkward and unbalanced and have too much cushion on their chests. Gawd, does it suck to be a girl...
In my next life, if permitted, I'd like to be a guy. A really pretty one. From an Asian country...or Europe...Like, a really dignified Japanese guy who becomes famous because of his prettiness or an elegant, wiry young Englishman born with a silver tongue and eyes that melt the soul into honey and wine.
Or...maybe I'd like to come back as, specifically, one of my characters. That'd be interesting.
Anyways, I should go back to class now. I don't want them to think I'm actually ditching...
Love all of you so much. Don't forget me.
Yvette.
BTW...
EMMA - I have to give you my new phone number.
KACI - Same for you.
RIA - Please tell Mr. Burns AND Mrs. Harris that I really, really miss them and that I haven't forgotten them. And, most of all, I miss you too.
EMILY - I haven't forgotten you either, Miss Green! I miss you!
LAUREN - SQUISH!! X3
I'm on break, but I'm taking a bit longer than what's expected. I don't think the teacher will mind. We've already had our sculptures graded and all that's left to do is work on drawings for our next sculptures, the caricatures.
I got an A- on mine, but I can easily bring it up to an A, the teacher said.
I'm feeling more and more inclined to just quit right now, but I suppose I can't. My GPA's pretty okay, I guess. A 3.2. If I had a 3.5, I could apply for the 50th Anniversary scholarship here. It'd help out...Not much, but a little.
I have to go back to South Carolina at the end of this quarter. It's disappointing. I really didn't plan on taking any breaks from college. I figured I'd just stay here and go straight there, no vacations (other than the time given to us for vacation), no rest. Just get in and out. But, things aren't going so well financially.
My scholarship is at an end and because of my mom's money problems (caused by her asshole of an ex-boyfriend), we can't get the loan I need to continue attending.
If I were to stay here and continue, I would have to make monthly payments of $1,700.
I don't have that kind of money...I've never even SEEN that much in one place. I make about $500 a month where I work. Maybe $600, if I'm lucky.
My education's temporarily shot. I keep worrying that if I stop now, I'll never be able to go back. I'll be stuck in a job that I despise in a career that doesn't fit my personality with people that hate me for the rest of my life and when I'm old and gray and alone, talking to other peoples' grandchildren instead of the grandchildren I SHOULD have had, I'll talk about how I was going to be a fantastic artist one day.
...Maybe...maybe not. It depends on fate, and fate doesn't want me in school right now, I guess.
Maybe it has something different planned for me. Maybe something better, maybe worse, but I suppose I just have to trust it.
I spent a lot of time crying over this. Time that I could have used for more productive means and it makes me feel bad. I hate crying. It's the sort of thing that makes you cringe when you see other people doing it and feel guily when you do it yourself.
My friend comforted me at one point. Told me that it's okay to cry. I couldn't help but think "NO, it's not." But, thinking about THAT later made me wonder why I hate it so much.
Why DO I hate crying? Because it shows emotion. It makes people worry and, some people, feel sad. It makes them pity you. It makes them turn away in disgust unless you cry like the pretty girl on the big screens in movie theaters. Then, you get their attention.
It makes me shudder. Some people say that they feel better after they've cried about something. Like a weight's been lifted.
I feel worse. I feel as if twenty tons have been dropped on my back and my lungs won't work and the entire world is glaring at me for even DARING of spilling tears.
I'd rather smile. At least when you smile, you KNOW it's a happy emotion.
I don't like being sad. I don't like it when others are sad. Honestly, when I see other people are sad, I feel sadder than if I had been the sad one to begin with.
Lord, I've gone on a tangent.
Anyways, I'm supposed to be going back home at the end of September, when the quarter's finished. I'm hoping that I can stay a little longer. Just long enough to go to AWA. Ooooh, that'd be so fun. I WAS planning on cosplaying, but I might not, now. I might just go as myself, hang around, draw some things...
Like bishounen. I LOVE bishounen. I'm addicted to them. I've been drawing nothing but bishounen for the past few weeks and I still haven't gotten them out of my system. Maybe I've drawn some girls in there, once or twice, but mainly boys. Girls are pretty and all, but boys are soooooooo...good to look at...I mean...COME ON. They're BOYS. They have muscles and lean bodies (well, some of them do) and they're tall and exhiliaratingl...Unlike girls, are are just awkward and unbalanced and have too much cushion on their chests. Gawd, does it suck to be a girl...
In my next life, if permitted, I'd like to be a guy. A really pretty one. From an Asian country...or Europe...Like, a really dignified Japanese guy who becomes famous because of his prettiness or an elegant, wiry young Englishman born with a silver tongue and eyes that melt the soul into honey and wine.
Or...maybe I'd like to come back as, specifically, one of my characters. That'd be interesting.
Anyways, I should go back to class now. I don't want them to think I'm actually ditching...
Love all of you so much. Don't forget me.
Yvette.
BTW...
EMMA - I have to give you my new phone number.
KACI - Same for you.
RIA - Please tell Mr. Burns AND Mrs. Harris that I really, really miss them and that I haven't forgotten them. And, most of all, I miss you too.
EMILY - I haven't forgotten you either, Miss Green! I miss you!
LAUREN - SQUISH!! X3