(no subject)
It was a good day spent with the kids today. They're here for the weekend. We had a nice pleasant night ordering pizza and watching movies. The girls fell asleep around 10pm and Kaemon and I watched Big Daddy together since he was still up. I'm not sure what it was, but somethin' about the last part of the movie kinda struck a chord with me. Kaemon fell asleep in my arms in the recliner watching the movie with me. I miss them so much when they're not here. They're the only 3 people I can always count on to always be there for me, regardless of the situation. For some reason I've really been feelin' lonely lately. I'm not quite sure as to why. :o\ Wish I could have had a chance to talk to someone close to me tonight, but they had plans to go out and have a good time. I'm glad she did...she's been through a lot. I wish there was somethin' I could do for her to lessen it, but being the strong, independant woman she is. She'd simply tell me...."Don't fuckin' feel sorry for me!! I'm a big girl and can take care of my own."..lol She's a hella strong woman and I have the utmost respect for her, but damn that girl can be stubborn sometimes. :oD A lot like me I guess. :oP We had a conversation last night about something that happened between the two of us in the past. I wish someone would invent something that would allow you to go back in time. It would be so much easier. I fucked up and made some HUGE mistakes which I can not take back. All I can do is what I've already done. Apologize and ask for forgiveness and another chance. She's done that and I'm so thankful for that. She has a lot of doubts right now, which is totally understandable. But I'm willing to do what needs to be done to erase those doubts. If she only knew how much I treasure and adore her. I CAN NOT BELIEVE I WAS SUCH A FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!!! For a few months after that happened, I was kind of in my own little prison cell. I had sent her multiple emails. Hoping each day to see a reply, which I didn't. And the things that happened would keep going through my head over and over again. Then one day I finally did get a reply and it was as if a huge weight was lifted off of me. I had an egg...so fragile and pure that I dropped, cracking the shell. There's no way that egg's gonna be dropped again. Cause I know how beautiful the "chickity" is inside and there's no way I'll ever put it in any type of danger again. Tara, Dawn, and a few other people were supposed to come over tonight. But it looks like I was stood up. :o\ We were going to sit back and chill, play some cards and have a few drinks. But evidently something must have come up. I don't know...I'ma quit whinin' like a lil' bitch now and just go get some sleep. :o) It's almost 4am and I have to be up with the kids in a few hours. Goodnight ya'll...I'm out.