When it rains it pours
Argh so like my week just wasn't bad enough...projects, tests, dropping coffee down my shirt, overdrawn bank account, twisting my ankle, best friend parents being dumb, ambulance breaking down in the south of providence (this was just today)- my dad decides that he's probably going to be the biggest jerk he's been in awhile. After a day that just started to get better I start to study and then my friends call and want me to go out I was studying and that basically was my plan for the night- i do need to a do a bit of catching up but nothing too bad. (I knew coming home tonight that he was in a bad mood because he didn't golf good-whatever.) Yes granted my friends shouldn't have been pressuring me to go out, but it's still my descion. So when I tell my mom that I may go out for like an hour my dad hears and goes nuts. Screaming my friends are jerks and that they dont care about me. Friends on the other end of phone are getting pissed. So i beg them not to come over and they graciously apply. So while im in my room i can hear him screaming how he's washed his hands of me; he;s no longer gonna help me pay for school, cook for me, you get the picture. Then he comes over when he realizes im not coming out and screams at me for not going out goes back to his chair and tv then continues his rants and raves and demands that my mother pick a side(my mother has also not been my friend as of late). Slamming of cabients threats etc etc ensue. He came to the conclsion that Im easy and basically dumb. And I swear if he hadnt come over here that second time I wouldnt have cried. So to sum it all up my study night is now crap because Im here crying with my book in front of me while everyone I want to be with is somewhere else. And Im too afraid to go out of my room right now to friggin pee.
So heres my interpretation of all this....for the last couple of months now my dad has really been pressuring me. About staying home to study, making sure that I pass. He's always saying about how I'm going to take care of him when I get out of school. How I'm going to be living at home until I get married. Well I hate to inform him but I'm not staying here just to support him. No thats not how it works, sorry. I want to live on my own or with the people of my choice before I settle down. Although I am appreciative of him helping me pay for school, I never asked for that, I was perfectly fine taking out loans. I do plan on helping my parents with meds and anyother monetary thing that they may need, but full out support I think not. Its going to take me awhile to achieve what I want to do. Lets no forget I'm going to school for me, because I love emergency medicine, the moeny is nice but I'm doing not because everyone else wants me to, i'm doing it for me.
I hate living this way. Always afraid of when I'm going to have to walk that fine line with my family. I am embarassed of my family sometimes. My father always having to tell everyone of his life story. DUDE no one cares anymore. Everytime we talk to someone he always has to turn it into something about himself. My mother-is just my mother. She's easy to control as long as I give her any money that I owe her she'll leave me alone. Honestly my family has gotten in the way of any relationship that I couldve had or wanted. Honestly Im tired of it all. I want it to end-but its not happening anytime soon.
So heres my interpretation of all this....for the last couple of months now my dad has really been pressuring me. About staying home to study, making sure that I pass. He's always saying about how I'm going to take care of him when I get out of school. How I'm going to be living at home until I get married. Well I hate to inform him but I'm not staying here just to support him. No thats not how it works, sorry. I want to live on my own or with the people of my choice before I settle down. Although I am appreciative of him helping me pay for school, I never asked for that, I was perfectly fine taking out loans. I do plan on helping my parents with meds and anyother monetary thing that they may need, but full out support I think not. Its going to take me awhile to achieve what I want to do. Lets no forget I'm going to school for me, because I love emergency medicine, the moeny is nice but I'm doing not because everyone else wants me to, i'm doing it for me.
I hate living this way. Always afraid of when I'm going to have to walk that fine line with my family. I am embarassed of my family sometimes. My father always having to tell everyone of his life story. DUDE no one cares anymore. Everytime we talk to someone he always has to turn it into something about himself. My mother-is just my mother. She's easy to control as long as I give her any money that I owe her she'll leave me alone. Honestly my family has gotten in the way of any relationship that I couldve had or wanted. Honestly Im tired of it all. I want it to end-but its not happening anytime soon.