Waiting...
I just sent my dad an outline of why I want to transfer away. As everyone well knows by now, I'm extrordinarily lonely and having a hard time coping with said loneliness. BG has become a desperate place for me, it only represents sadness and the thought of going there for two more years empties me of all hope for the future. (I'm not being too dramatic, am I?)
So I feel a need to get out of there. Really, out of the Midwest... preferably towards where there are more members of the Church, because they're the only ones who have ever come close to accepting and wanting me. But would they? Or am I too screwed up to find good friendships anymore? I'm socially stunted and usually unable to do anything about it... and when I do reach out and try to restart or move forward in these things I'm ignored or brushed aside.
Recently I've been re-evaluating my 'friends' and have come to the conclusion that there's really only one who definately warrants not being cut off. Now when I say that, I don't mean that I'll drop all contact with everyone else, I just won't go out of my way for them unless they will do so for me. Kristin's always been there though, and is still even now concerned about making sure I'm okay.
So I'm really sad. I think that when I get back to school I'm going to go to the health office to see a counsellor, because this has been going on for far too long.
So I feel a need to get out of there. Really, out of the Midwest... preferably towards where there are more members of the Church, because they're the only ones who have ever come close to accepting and wanting me. But would they? Or am I too screwed up to find good friendships anymore? I'm socially stunted and usually unable to do anything about it... and when I do reach out and try to restart or move forward in these things I'm ignored or brushed aside.
Recently I've been re-evaluating my 'friends' and have come to the conclusion that there's really only one who definately warrants not being cut off. Now when I say that, I don't mean that I'll drop all contact with everyone else, I just won't go out of my way for them unless they will do so for me. Kristin's always been there though, and is still even now concerned about making sure I'm okay.
So I'm really sad. I think that when I get back to school I'm going to go to the health office to see a counsellor, because this has been going on for far too long.