The Missionary's position is boring, and other things
MOVIES! Because I'd like to bitch about life, but who wants to listen to that, so I'll save that for later.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was a bit of a letdown, because it lacked the awesome shit it had in the first two movies. Okay, At World's End had its odd plot bits, ie., Calypso turning into a horde of sea crabs and then nothing happens was kinda a head-scratcher, but otherwise, it had that spirit of the franchise.
So Jerry Bruckheimer needed to amass epic amounts of money and Gore Verbinski was prolly tired of being Jerry's bitch, so we have Rob Marshall directing this one. I can't say it's bad, but the whole spontaneity and the unpredictability of Jack's character (and even the plot) was lacking in this fourth iteration. Watching Jack's escape antics felt so forced and rehearsed, ugh, I don't even.
The missionary-mermaid plot thread felt shoehorned, given some fluff, and then resolved/abandoned into the depths of the ocean (in which this really happened, along with perhaps some underwater sex). Blackbeard was badass when he was introduced, and then seen later standing around looking so domestic. The Spaniards are mooks, and here I was thinking, there's gonna be something epic in this. Although they did surprise me about that bit in the fountain. But, point being, the movie was done for some cash cows and milk, and a reason to put Johnny Depp in it, looking gorgeous and all pirate-y. Kind of like the Sherlock Holmes movie where it was just Robert Downey Jr. mimicking an English accent playing detective, and aajsdhfjd. And don't get me started with Alice in Wonderland, because... okay, I won't say anything about it apart from needs more CRAZY.
Also, needs more sexual tension, Jack and Angelica. :<
My thoughts about movies in general. Which should be made of Explodium. I think movies should entertain, first and foremost. And by entertain, I mean, let you suspend disbelief, whisk you away, forget your life. Which is why summer blockbusters have all things exploding. Why? BECAUSE WE WANT TO SEE THINGS BURN, from the safety of the movie house and some popcorn. It's all instant gratification, instant revenge, instant love of a lifetime. Who gives a shit about social condition, and poverty? We're in a movie! Which is why art movies, perhaps some indie movies and Lino Brocka give me a headache and make me depressed. Lots of people eat that shit up, because, it's a mix of the following things:
1. it's fascinating to see this human condition played for drama, bit like glorifying the grime;
2. schadenfreude
3. 2 pages' worth of essay
Don't get me wrong, they're all great for a bit of perspective, but whatevs. I think that's why documentaries exist lol. So my verdict: Hollywood, continue churning out lulz. We need it.
Here's to hoping Kung Fu Panda 2 will deliver /o/
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was a bit of a letdown, because it lacked the awesome shit it had in the first two movies. Okay, At World's End had its odd plot bits, ie., Calypso turning into a horde of sea crabs and then nothing happens was kinda a head-scratcher, but otherwise, it had that spirit of the franchise.
So Jerry Bruckheimer needed to amass epic amounts of money and Gore Verbinski was prolly tired of being Jerry's bitch, so we have Rob Marshall directing this one. I can't say it's bad, but the whole spontaneity and the unpredictability of Jack's character (and even the plot) was lacking in this fourth iteration. Watching Jack's escape antics felt so forced and rehearsed, ugh, I don't even.
The missionary-mermaid plot thread felt shoehorned, given some fluff, and then resolved/abandoned into the depths of the ocean (in which this really happened, along with perhaps some underwater sex). Blackbeard was badass when he was introduced, and then seen later standing around looking so domestic. The Spaniards are mooks, and here I was thinking, there's gonna be something epic in this. Although they did surprise me about that bit in the fountain. But, point being, the movie was done for some cash cows and milk, and a reason to put Johnny Depp in it, looking gorgeous and all pirate-y. Kind of like the Sherlock Holmes movie where it was just Robert Downey Jr. mimicking an English accent playing detective, and aajsdhfjd. And don't get me started with Alice in Wonderland, because... okay, I won't say anything about it apart from needs more CRAZY.
Also, needs more sexual tension, Jack and Angelica. :<
My thoughts about movies in general. Which should be made of Explodium. I think movies should entertain, first and foremost. And by entertain, I mean, let you suspend disbelief, whisk you away, forget your life. Which is why summer blockbusters have all things exploding. Why? BECAUSE WE WANT TO SEE THINGS BURN, from the safety of the movie house and some popcorn. It's all instant gratification, instant revenge, instant love of a lifetime. Who gives a shit about social condition, and poverty? We're in a movie! Which is why art movies, perhaps some indie movies and Lino Brocka give me a headache and make me depressed. Lots of people eat that shit up, because, it's a mix of the following things:
1. it's fascinating to see this human condition played for drama, bit like glorifying the grime;
2. schadenfreude
3. 2 pages' worth of essay
Don't get me wrong, they're all great for a bit of perspective, but whatevs. I think that's why documentaries exist lol. So my verdict: Hollywood, continue churning out lulz. We need it.
Here's to hoping Kung Fu Panda 2 will deliver /o/