(no subject)
so, for like the past week ive been feeling like my usual perky self. like, whatever the hell has been wrong with me for the past month or so just went away. to hell with random moods. anyway, im all peaches and cream now. except for today. fuck. i hate doctor visits. well, theyre not so bad, but i really hate gynecologists. i had to have this test done this morning called a colposcopy or some random word like that. and it was just terrible. apparently i have like abnormal cells or something, dysplasia? so not only was the whole damn test kinda painful cuz of the instruments she was using, but in effect what she basically did was cut and scrape all up inside me. it wasnt like god awful painful, but it hurt enough, especially at the very end. i think what was the worst part is the idea of it, and the anticipation of it before she did it. eh, its no big deal. but god, its times like this i wish i was a dude. and then i come to my senses.
anyway, ive been totally off track with my school work. i got all these essays due and im turning in everything late. i thin kim doing better now cuz of my improved mood, but before, when i was all sick and depressed, it was really hard to focus and when i tried i just fell asleep cuz i was sick.
i just cant wait till june. to hell with grad school. im gonna take acting classes and look for another job that pays better. im realizing that even though i always excelled in school, i could give a damn about concentrated intellectual pursuits. and i dont have a lot of ambition. no, thats not it. i dont have career ambition. i dont wanna end up some overworked, unhappy, rich ass. i wanna pursue acting, and write and get a job that i can live well enough off of. i just wanna enjoy whatever the hell i end up doing. but for now, i just need to graduate. im sick of school.
anyway, ive been totally off track with my school work. i got all these essays due and im turning in everything late. i thin kim doing better now cuz of my improved mood, but before, when i was all sick and depressed, it was really hard to focus and when i tried i just fell asleep cuz i was sick.
i just cant wait till june. to hell with grad school. im gonna take acting classes and look for another job that pays better. im realizing that even though i always excelled in school, i could give a damn about concentrated intellectual pursuits. and i dont have a lot of ambition. no, thats not it. i dont have career ambition. i dont wanna end up some overworked, unhappy, rich ass. i wanna pursue acting, and write and get a job that i can live well enough off of. i just wanna enjoy whatever the hell i end up doing. but for now, i just need to graduate. im sick of school.