{Fan Fic} Illogical Thoughts
Username: Yin (of breyzyyin)
Class: White Mage
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus
Title: Illogical Thoughts
Summary: De-anoning my entry for the Epistolary Fic Challenge over at ultima_arena for the Round 1 game. :) Shelke writes to her sister, Shalua, about her everyday life and how she is slowly learning to adapt to her new home after the events of FFVII: Dirge of Cerberus.
Characters/Pairings: No pairings. Shelke and Shalua are the main focuses of the fic, though Nanaki {Red XIII} plays a prominent role too in why Shelke is writing the letter in the first place. There are some mentions of Tifa and a few other FFVII Compilation characters as well.
Word count: 709
Rating/warnings: G. Spoilers for FFVII: Dirge of Cerberus.
----Legal Disclaimer: I do not own either the FFVII Compilation (Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus in particular) or any of those titles' characters. They are the rightful property of Square-Enix.----
Sister,
Writing letters is hard. The concept, what I most likely took as something normal when we were younger, is something completely foreign to me now.
Besides, writing a letter to you is...illogical as well. Talking to the dead, much less in written form, is a notion I still haven't fully grasped.
"Shalua Rui" cannot read my words or respond to them anymore. I've known that ever since I heard you speak to me in that dream.
...How or why that happened I cannot say either. But I knew then the finality of what your words meant...how much it must have hurt you to have to say them after all that time.
...I didn't begrudge you them. I hope you knew that.
It's odd, the words I'm writing down now: things that I probably wouldn't admit to anyone vocally. Somehow, I suspect that is why Nanaki suggested I try writing you a letter after what happened today.
I've been living in Edge at a bar called 7th Heaven, which serves as the foreground for Cloud Strife's Delivery Service. From what I've been hearing, both businesses and the two people who run them were acquaintances of yours. The place is oddly popular with the other children in adoption shelters all over Edge, and small groups of them come by daily to either play with the bar's owner, Tifa, or Denzel and Marlene (two other orphans who live here).
Considering my age, I'm not really a charge here...though the younger children who stop by only see my physical body and assume I'm just another more mature-minded older sibling in their midst. I don't have the patience to explain it to them since I know it would be implausible that they would understand the situation to begin with, so I let it be. Besides, I suppose it isn't too far off from the truth, give or take a few details.
Occasionally, Cloud will allow Denzel or me to go on delivery runs with him...but for the most part I spend my time here. It's a peaceful change of pace and I suspect that Cloud, Tifa, and Reeve all believe living in such an environment will help me to adjust better to everyday living.
At first, I had my doubts that would even be possible...too many things exist in my past that reinforced my fears: things even now that I have nightmares about and refuse to tell anyone, when even the time with you and our parents seemed unreal--a cruel dream that kept me hurting even more than just giving up would have.
...But now I'm beginning to see their logic.
This morning, I was sitting at the bar with Nanaki at my feet as usual. He visits frequently, apparently loving the attention the younger orphans lavish on him and humbly priding himself on his tutoring skills. Tifa was playing a dancing game with some of the visiting children in a large circle.
There was a rhyme I'd never heard before, and clapping. I didn't quite get the point of it, but Tifa and the children seemed to be enjoying themselves: there were lots of smiles and laughter, it seemed fun despite the bizarreness of it.
"Sissie is smiling!"
One of the little girls was pointing at me, a huge grin on her face. I blinked, unsure of when the expression had come to my lips...but, sure enough, it was there. A small one, but it didn't fade even when I noticed it.
Once the young ones got over their excitement at seeing "Sissie" smile they even invited Nanaki and I to join the game but we declined, enjoying watching Tifa corral them into the group again with her own encouraging smile in my direction instead. As I continued to watch them--a sudden realization hit me.
...My sister would have loved to see that expression on me too.
I must have voiced that thought out loud for Nanaki looked up at me thoughtfully, and despite knowing what had happened to you said, "Why don't you tell her then?"
...And though I didn't quite understand the point, I decided to do so.
Doing normal things...slowly learning to be happy, to smile again--it's what you would want me to do, right? It's not easy, but I want to try...for these people I'm starting to view as friends, for myself--and for you especially, sister. I want to remember more and more the little girl you tried so hard to save.
Bit by bit, I suspect it's happening.
Even now, though I know this is still illogical to do..."talking" to you about what happened makes that light feeling I felt when watching the children play return.
...Can you see it? I'm smiling again.
Shelke
Class: White Mage
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus
Title: Illogical Thoughts
Summary: De-anoning my entry for the Epistolary Fic Challenge over at ultima_arena for the Round 1 game. :) Shelke writes to her sister, Shalua, about her everyday life and how she is slowly learning to adapt to her new home after the events of FFVII: Dirge of Cerberus.
Characters/Pairings: No pairings. Shelke and Shalua are the main focuses of the fic, though Nanaki {Red XIII} plays a prominent role too in why Shelke is writing the letter in the first place. There are some mentions of Tifa and a few other FFVII Compilation characters as well.
Word count: 709
Rating/warnings: G. Spoilers for FFVII: Dirge of Cerberus.
----Legal Disclaimer: I do not own either the FFVII Compilation (Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus in particular) or any of those titles' characters. They are the rightful property of Square-Enix.----
Sister,
Writing letters is hard. The concept, what I most likely took as something normal when we were younger, is something completely foreign to me now.
Besides, writing a letter to you is...illogical as well. Talking to the dead, much less in written form, is a notion I still haven't fully grasped.
"Shalua Rui" cannot read my words or respond to them anymore. I've known that ever since I heard you speak to me in that dream.
...How or why that happened I cannot say either. But I knew then the finality of what your words meant...how much it must have hurt you to have to say them after all that time.
...I didn't begrudge you them. I hope you knew that.
It's odd, the words I'm writing down now: things that I probably wouldn't admit to anyone vocally. Somehow, I suspect that is why Nanaki suggested I try writing you a letter after what happened today.
I've been living in Edge at a bar called 7th Heaven, which serves as the foreground for Cloud Strife's Delivery Service. From what I've been hearing, both businesses and the two people who run them were acquaintances of yours. The place is oddly popular with the other children in adoption shelters all over Edge, and small groups of them come by daily to either play with the bar's owner, Tifa, or Denzel and Marlene (two other orphans who live here).
Considering my age, I'm not really a charge here...though the younger children who stop by only see my physical body and assume I'm just another more mature-minded older sibling in their midst. I don't have the patience to explain it to them since I know it would be implausible that they would understand the situation to begin with, so I let it be. Besides, I suppose it isn't too far off from the truth, give or take a few details.
Occasionally, Cloud will allow Denzel or me to go on delivery runs with him...but for the most part I spend my time here. It's a peaceful change of pace and I suspect that Cloud, Tifa, and Reeve all believe living in such an environment will help me to adjust better to everyday living.
At first, I had my doubts that would even be possible...too many things exist in my past that reinforced my fears: things even now that I have nightmares about and refuse to tell anyone, when even the time with you and our parents seemed unreal--a cruel dream that kept me hurting even more than just giving up would have.
...But now I'm beginning to see their logic.
This morning, I was sitting at the bar with Nanaki at my feet as usual. He visits frequently, apparently loving the attention the younger orphans lavish on him and humbly priding himself on his tutoring skills. Tifa was playing a dancing game with some of the visiting children in a large circle.
There was a rhyme I'd never heard before, and clapping. I didn't quite get the point of it, but Tifa and the children seemed to be enjoying themselves: there were lots of smiles and laughter, it seemed fun despite the bizarreness of it.
"Sissie is smiling!"
One of the little girls was pointing at me, a huge grin on her face. I blinked, unsure of when the expression had come to my lips...but, sure enough, it was there. A small one, but it didn't fade even when I noticed it.
Once the young ones got over their excitement at seeing "Sissie" smile they even invited Nanaki and I to join the game but we declined, enjoying watching Tifa corral them into the group again with her own encouraging smile in my direction instead. As I continued to watch them--a sudden realization hit me.
...My sister would have loved to see that expression on me too.
I must have voiced that thought out loud for Nanaki looked up at me thoughtfully, and despite knowing what had happened to you said, "Why don't you tell her then?"
...And though I didn't quite understand the point, I decided to do so.
Doing normal things...slowly learning to be happy, to smile again--it's what you would want me to do, right? It's not easy, but I want to try...for these people I'm starting to view as friends, for myself--and for you especially, sister. I want to remember more and more the little girl you tried so hard to save.
Bit by bit, I suspect it's happening.
Even now, though I know this is still illogical to do..."talking" to you about what happened makes that light feeling I felt when watching the children play return.
...Can you see it? I'm smiling again.
Shelke