stoopid footbal-crazy idaho
You know, the fact that she didnt call me and that nobody told me till almost 24 hours later makes me realize how disconnected i am from my friends. it really puts me in a lonely position. the only reason i dont connect more with them is because its usually going out to someplace. with the lack of frequent pay i get from el rey i dont go out because it usually means i can't drink which makes me miserable, or somebody has to pay for me which also makes me miserable.
all day today i just kept texting her about the stupid fucking footbal game and i feel like asshole. nothing is going to keep me from feeling that. now i'll be gone for 8 days and personally i dont feel connected enough to make coming back something good. i feel more of a connection to luke's friends that were down for thanksgiving than i do the people i can see anytime i want. i guess it also has to do with the fact that those i want to a hang out with are in school and i dont want to take time away from their studies. but i never know when they do have free time. its this stupid circle that i can't break.
i just finished yelling at my mom because im bringing out all these pent up feelings.
also i scared away a girl i have been interested in for some time. this is my curse as of late. im gonna give up on that cuz whenever we get close something rips us away from each other. the last girl that happened with is getting married tomorrow. we had this fight about me not being able to go. it wasnt definite that i would be leaving so i said i needed an invitation. 20 minutes after i confirmed my trip she drops off the invite in my mailbox. this girl told me i was too intense and that why she didnt want to get involved with me. and last week demon told me i have a tendency to creep ppl out. now im so insecure i don't know what im going to do about it.
so m3 got offered a job to film a training seminar for a building materials company. i got us 5 grand for the job and since im the only one with a flexible job i alone from the company am going. my brother is going with me and thats it. its gonna be difficult and i wish the other person hadnt backed out but what are you gonna do. if the dvd we do impresses them than they will offer us more work which means more money. (yay!) but for now i have to go to idaho. oi vey. whats in idaho? potato(e)s? maybe i can get some Mr. Pibb. that would be awesome. i loves the pibb.
i had a thought in my head... my mom walked in and asked me another inane question and i lost it. it was something i wanted to talk about.......shit
if i dont have any interwed than i wont post the results of the trip till prolly next saturday. if i do have interweb than expect a lot of info. oi.
the thought i lost: i think it had something to do with that girl getting married. well whatever happens my last message to her will be a congrats on getting married. i dont ever intend to talk to her ever again. thats just the way i think it should be. as it is we havent talked since the day after she told me she got engaged. after that it was nothing but text messages. i do hope she has a good life...as an army wife....living if arkansas....not having a job....whatever, ive gont into judging mode. i dont want to care.
the upside to this is i might actually read "Quicksilver" by neal stephenson. who knows it might be as good and as difficult as "Cryptonomicon" was....oi.
off to launder and pack.
11:38pm
I dont know when i started writing this blog but its been about an hour or so. i just need one last load to dry...its washing right now. i know its late but the take off time got pushed back because we still need to buy some stuff. thats the only time black friday has worked for me.
i dont think i could stand to work for another month. its just gotten really boring. plus this coming december is full of fucking shows and crap. i looked and without releif its working two weeks solid. wtf? if im still there i should be getting paid often. arrgh! this whole money thing is really slowly pissing me off. i need some alcohol or a cigarette. both.
i hope im missed
all day today i just kept texting her about the stupid fucking footbal game and i feel like asshole. nothing is going to keep me from feeling that. now i'll be gone for 8 days and personally i dont feel connected enough to make coming back something good. i feel more of a connection to luke's friends that were down for thanksgiving than i do the people i can see anytime i want. i guess it also has to do with the fact that those i want to a hang out with are in school and i dont want to take time away from their studies. but i never know when they do have free time. its this stupid circle that i can't break.
i just finished yelling at my mom because im bringing out all these pent up feelings.
also i scared away a girl i have been interested in for some time. this is my curse as of late. im gonna give up on that cuz whenever we get close something rips us away from each other. the last girl that happened with is getting married tomorrow. we had this fight about me not being able to go. it wasnt definite that i would be leaving so i said i needed an invitation. 20 minutes after i confirmed my trip she drops off the invite in my mailbox. this girl told me i was too intense and that why she didnt want to get involved with me. and last week demon told me i have a tendency to creep ppl out. now im so insecure i don't know what im going to do about it.
so m3 got offered a job to film a training seminar for a building materials company. i got us 5 grand for the job and since im the only one with a flexible job i alone from the company am going. my brother is going with me and thats it. its gonna be difficult and i wish the other person hadnt backed out but what are you gonna do. if the dvd we do impresses them than they will offer us more work which means more money. (yay!) but for now i have to go to idaho. oi vey. whats in idaho? potato(e)s? maybe i can get some Mr. Pibb. that would be awesome. i loves the pibb.
i had a thought in my head... my mom walked in and asked me another inane question and i lost it. it was something i wanted to talk about.......shit
if i dont have any interwed than i wont post the results of the trip till prolly next saturday. if i do have interweb than expect a lot of info. oi.
the thought i lost: i think it had something to do with that girl getting married. well whatever happens my last message to her will be a congrats on getting married. i dont ever intend to talk to her ever again. thats just the way i think it should be. as it is we havent talked since the day after she told me she got engaged. after that it was nothing but text messages. i do hope she has a good life...as an army wife....living if arkansas....not having a job....whatever, ive gont into judging mode. i dont want to care.
the upside to this is i might actually read "Quicksilver" by neal stephenson. who knows it might be as good and as difficult as "Cryptonomicon" was....oi.
off to launder and pack.
11:38pm
I dont know when i started writing this blog but its been about an hour or so. i just need one last load to dry...its washing right now. i know its late but the take off time got pushed back because we still need to buy some stuff. thats the only time black friday has worked for me.
i dont think i could stand to work for another month. its just gotten really boring. plus this coming december is full of fucking shows and crap. i looked and without releif its working two weeks solid. wtf? if im still there i should be getting paid often. arrgh! this whole money thing is really slowly pissing me off. i need some alcohol or a cigarette. both.
i hope im missed