(no subject)
Waah! I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. Oh well, it's probably just PMS, but still, waah!
I realised today that I can't remember the last time I went a whole day without crying over nothing. I then spent 2 hours crying over a Radiohead song/ fight with Mattia/ fact that my mum thinks I'm faking having OCD for attention/ general crappiness of everything.
I envy Lydia. Her parents want her to see a psychologist. I would LOVE to see a psychologist. I want so much to just get my head sorted out once and for all. I don't want to do anything anymore. I go to school, come home, listen to music, cry, go to sleep. I don't have the motivation to do anything else. I don't care about getting my coursework in on time, talking to my friends, even eating anything. I go days without really eating anything and don't notice. I don't want to talk to anyone because they make me feel weird. I can't pretend I'm ok, but if I tell them how I'm really doing, they feel sorry for me, and that scares me, for some reason.
Earlier I was crying almost hysterically, and then suddenly I felt fine. Now I'm crying again. I have permanant mood swings, and I'm so easily affected by things. A song, or one thing someone says to me will make me cry for hours, or make me feel so good. I'm looking forward to the 23rd, but I'm scared of the date coming too, because after that I'll have nothing to look forward to, just endless days of going out, coming home, listening to music, crying, and going to bed.
I want to see my friends, but I don't. I love them, but I want to isolate myself from them. I want to talk to someone I'm not close too, someone who won't spare a second thought for me, so I don't feel like I'm pitting out these unsure connections to people, that I jsut want to snatch straight back again.
Art tomorrow, I can go and act like I'm pouring my hurt and and anger into another creation, but really I wish I could. I feel nothing, I want to hurt, to stop this numbness. I want to cry until my eyes burn, or laugh until my sides split. I want anything to stop this. I feel so empty, and this is starting to sound like some sort of textbook example of emo, but whatever. I hate myself for talking to my friends about how I feel, because they've got their own lives; they don't need me loading my troubles onto them. And yet I hate myself more for not talking, for acting like some sort of silent martyr who needs to be adored. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
[Repeat and Fade Out]
I realised today that I can't remember the last time I went a whole day without crying over nothing. I then spent 2 hours crying over a Radiohead song/ fight with Mattia/ fact that my mum thinks I'm faking having OCD for attention/ general crappiness of everything.
I envy Lydia. Her parents want her to see a psychologist. I would LOVE to see a psychologist. I want so much to just get my head sorted out once and for all. I don't want to do anything anymore. I go to school, come home, listen to music, cry, go to sleep. I don't have the motivation to do anything else. I don't care about getting my coursework in on time, talking to my friends, even eating anything. I go days without really eating anything and don't notice. I don't want to talk to anyone because they make me feel weird. I can't pretend I'm ok, but if I tell them how I'm really doing, they feel sorry for me, and that scares me, for some reason.
Earlier I was crying almost hysterically, and then suddenly I felt fine. Now I'm crying again. I have permanant mood swings, and I'm so easily affected by things. A song, or one thing someone says to me will make me cry for hours, or make me feel so good. I'm looking forward to the 23rd, but I'm scared of the date coming too, because after that I'll have nothing to look forward to, just endless days of going out, coming home, listening to music, crying, and going to bed.
I want to see my friends, but I don't. I love them, but I want to isolate myself from them. I want to talk to someone I'm not close too, someone who won't spare a second thought for me, so I don't feel like I'm pitting out these unsure connections to people, that I jsut want to snatch straight back again.
Art tomorrow, I can go and act like I'm pouring my hurt and and anger into another creation, but really I wish I could. I feel nothing, I want to hurt, to stop this numbness. I want to cry until my eyes burn, or laugh until my sides split. I want anything to stop this. I feel so empty, and this is starting to sound like some sort of textbook example of emo, but whatever. I hate myself for talking to my friends about how I feel, because they've got their own lives; they don't need me loading my troubles onto them. And yet I hate myself more for not talking, for acting like some sort of silent martyr who needs to be adored. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
[Repeat and Fade Out]