But what if I can't go on?
My best friend in the whole world for 17 years is moving to seattle in a month or two. This guy has been there for me through everything. We used to fight alot but its got alot better and we learned to love each other and get along. I love him more than anything, well except God. This 21 year old guy is an amazing man of God and makes me so proud to be called his sister. Yes, this guy is my big brother. But he's been so much more to me. I feel like I need him to go on living. I know God is my rock and my life but he definitly helps. What am I going to do when he is on the opposite side of the country? What if I can't go on without him? I know he will always be there for me but its easier when hes a few doors down the hall instead of a few states up the country. Not only am I losing my only brother but I'm losing my best friend. I feel like once he moves I will never get to see him again. He doesn't have enough money to come home and visit and I dont have enough money to go see him. I told him that I was going to buy him a plane ticket home for Christmas but I dont know if thats going to happen. Money isn't coming in as I expected. I don't think I can be as excited about going downstairs and opening presents when I'm the only kid there. I've only been away from him during Christmas once and I hated it. I need my big brother. He is my protecter. He scares boys that like me with threats on their lives. Who is going to do that when he's gone? I don't want a replacement best friend. I want him to stay home with me, but I know thats not what he is supposed to do. It just makes me mad that God is taking him from me. I know I shouldn't be mad but I can't help it. I'm scared I'm going to become depressed like I was when I moved to Houston in 6th grade. I can't go back to that. I need my brother to help me. I've even gone to exetremes of thinking about chaining him to the house so he can't leave. You can say you understand about losing your best friend because they moved but noone understands. He's my only sibling. He's been there everyday of my life no matter what, even when we hated each other. He's the boy that cried when my dad told him that I was a girl. He wanted a little brother, but I know he's glad now that I am a girl. (at least he better be). I love you Bradley!