Narnia: Uncertain Sunlight (Susan)

[moodfic]

Inspired by BPAL's Two, Five, & Seven.

Title: Uncertain Sunlight
Author: voleuse
Fandom: Narnia
Character: Susan
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Something--you don't know what--has disappeared.
Notes: After and outside The Last Battle

Comments

[dotsomething]

Ohhhhh, shiny.

I've always wondered what that was like for Susan. Susan's such a puzzle in many ways and I've always pitied her.

[voleuse]

Thank you!

[bantha_fodder]

Okay. I've thought long and hard about this comment. Like, hours. I liked this fic. I like the idea. But the excecution is flawed.

Please delete this comment if you don't want it. :o/

[voleuse]

Hm. The ficlet isn't something I worked hours and hours on, so I don't think it's the bestest thing ever.

Why do you think so, though?

[bantha_fodder]

It's got these really sharp, punchy lines. Which I LOVE, and am totally guilty of. The problem with this fic is that it is ALL sharp, punchy lines, and it loses its effectiveness.

[voleuse]

Point. I think...I think I had decided early on that this would be a short fic, and I don't necessarily want to write more of Susan (in this particular situation) in the future, so I...used everything I had? And the story itself deserved more. I just didn't have any intention of giving it more.

Also, I am a little addicted to sharp, punchy lines, as well.

[brynnmck]

I actually think the short, punchy lines work rather well for this--you often choose topics where the fic is as much about what isn't said as what is, and your style dovetails nicely with that, IMO. (I do see the short-line thing often in your stories, and sometimes it works better than others, and if you wanted to push yourself you might go a different direction, but on the other hand, your style is your style, so.) These are snapshots, and they're lovely, but it has the effect of really making you feel all that long, empty space in between. And I particularly like this:

The world is glittering bright, and she cannot stand it.

Gah. I never gave much thought to Susan's fate, because, as a child, I actually did view the loss of faith in Narnia as a pretty unpardonable sin, and it's so interesting to read fic about it now and look at it in a new way.

I'm totally spamming you today. But anyway. I really enjoyed this--thanks.

a month later...

[voleuse]

Thank you! I do like the story as it stands, but it's true that I tend not to elaborate much--my fear of extensive plot, I suppose.

I cannot wait for the movie. I must reread all the books now.