o vita
i wish i wasn't angry all the time but what can you do. (family is family, an absent father is an absent father, broken bones are just broken bones, et cetera.) there is nothing to be done about the feeling i get at the end of the day when there is nothing left to joke about, a feeling like i haven't the faintest idea where to go or what to do so i clean my room and plan what to wear tomorrow; i hold on to everything i can but there isn't much left, anymore.
i want so much for there to be a God, i want someone to save me and be my friend and listen to what i have to say and put up with the fact that i am fickle and jealous and selfish but i know that if i knew Him, if he knew me he wouldn't want me around, and i would be so so upset with Him about how my life turned out that we wouldn't get along.
just as much, i want to leave (in every sense of the word) for the sake of everyone i hurt and will hurt. i wish i wasn't angry all the time, for the sake of everyone i don't deserve.
i wish i didn't have to feel any more feelings because there is nothing romantic about waking up with the sun kissing your cheek when you can hear screaming from the other room; all i can see are loneliness in the cupboards and disappointment between the sheets.
i try looking up but there is so much goddamn bullshit tangled in my heavy eyelashes, so much between me and whatever hope i'm supposed to have, i wish i wasn't angry all the time but there isn't much else left, anymore.
i want so much for there to be a God, i want someone to save me and be my friend and listen to what i have to say and put up with the fact that i am fickle and jealous and selfish but i know that if i knew Him, if he knew me he wouldn't want me around, and i would be so so upset with Him about how my life turned out that we wouldn't get along.
just as much, i want to leave (in every sense of the word) for the sake of everyone i hurt and will hurt. i wish i wasn't angry all the time, for the sake of everyone i don't deserve.
i wish i didn't have to feel any more feelings because there is nothing romantic about waking up with the sun kissing your cheek when you can hear screaming from the other room; all i can see are loneliness in the cupboards and disappointment between the sheets.
i try looking up but there is so much goddamn bullshit tangled in my heavy eyelashes, so much between me and whatever hope i'm supposed to have, i wish i wasn't angry all the time but there isn't much else left, anymore.