FIC: I Know What I'm After (epilogue)
Title: I KNOW WHAT I’M AFTER (epilogue)
Author: Montmorency
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Rating: R
Word Count: About 2,000 (this part only)
Disclaimer: This is fiction. Never happened. Written for entertainment only. The real people who form the basis of these characters have their own lives.
Summary: Adam and his friends are in a band, and their guitarist just ditched them to play for Madonna. Tommy shows up at the audition, but disappears shortly afterwards.
Happy New Year’s Eve, and I wish you all a wonderful 2013.
Thanks and xoxoxo to prompt-provider, pre-reader, and all-around enabler fairfax_verde.
The first chapter starts here
HOME
Home is a tiny apartment in the Hollywood flats with bad plumbing and peeling paint.
Home is Tommy against the wall next the door because Adam can’t wait another second, holding Tommy’s hands down by his hips, pressing him right fucking into the wall, kissing him like he’ll never get enough of it - because he’s not sure he ever will - and Tommy giving back as good as he’s getting.
Home is the soft look in Tommy’s eyes and the rosy flush on his cheeks.
When Adam finally draws away and lets Tommy’s hands go, those skinny arms instantly encircle his back, clutching fiercely. Adam wraps his arms around Tommy’s shoulders.
“Tommy honey, last chance to say no.”
The sound Tommy makes is nearly a growl.
Adam laughs in relief. “I’ll stop doing that, I promise.”
“Prove it,” Tommy challenges. He’s not letting up at all, in his own gentle way.
“Keep reminding me if I forget. God, I want to touch every part of you.”
“Do it.”
“Every single fucking part.” This is no time for pussyfooting around.
“Do it.”
At long last, Adam takes Tommy at his word.
First the still-damp clothes have to come off, and the damned things fight back every step of the way, particularly the denim. Next Adam wins a brief argument about showering to warm up. Not long after that, while Adam is kneeling in the tub with Tommy’s gorgeous cock in his mouth, water cascading over him like rain, his hair plastered to his forehead, looking up to see Tommy’s hands grasping at the slick tile walls, Tommy’s eyes scrunched closed, biting his lip… well, it’s clear that Tommy changed his mind somewhere along the way. Showers and sex do go together. Told ya.
Then Adam towels Tommy dry because he will never stop wanting to take care of him. Tommy lets him. Tommy likes it, going by the crooked smile on his lips. Adam is going to have to learn when it’s okay to be protective and when not to hover.
They drop the towels and run for the bed, snuggling in immediately. All that gloriously naked skin: Adam pulls Tommy close, tries to merge them into one being. He knows he has succeeded once he can’t tell which are his legs and which are Tommy’s. He wants to explore the small body but for now that can wait because he does not want to let go. They fit together too perfectly.
“You feel amazing,” he whispers into Tommy’s ear, then kisses it.
Tommy wriggles. “Don’t laugh at me.”
“I wouldn’t. Why would I?” He gets that Tommy isn’t used to being intimate with someone but he would never laugh at him. With him, sure. Sex can be very amusing.
“If I’m not good at this,” Tommy mumbles.
“Pfft. You want to know something funny? I was a virgin until I was nineteen.”
“You were?”
“In high school I felt so lonely. I didn’t want to go out with girls but I didn’t know how to approach boys. I thought I was the only gay person in the school. I waited so long to find out how wrong I was.”
“Oh. I wish I’d been there.”
“To be my hero?”
“You said you wouldn’t laugh at me.” There’s a snicker in Tommy’s voice, though. “I was twenty.”
Twenty what? Oh. So they’re kind of on the same page, Adam thinks, stroking a hand down Tommy’s back. But of course Adam moved to Los Angeles after he came out to his parents, and found all the gay clubs and met other boys like himself and had plenty of friendly (and very safe, thanks for the lecture, Dad) sex. He doesn't want Tommy to follow his footsteps that way. He wants Tommy entirely for himself, forever. No sharing. Whether it’s fair or not. Also, that way Tommy won’t be able to compare gay sex with anyone else. Adam’s ego isn’t so big that it can survive that.
“Adam?”
“Yes, honey?” Adam’s hand wanders down to Tommy’s tiny ass. He can cover the whole thing with one hand, pretty much.
“Are we going to do it?”
“Do what?”
“It.”
It. Adam ponders. That could mean anything. He squeezes Tommy’s ass and Tommy emits a cute squeak. Ah. It. Okay then.
“We don’t have to do anything.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Tommy…”
“Adam!”
“We don’t have to do everything all at once.”
“What if I want to. Like, be closer.”
“We’re pretty close,” Adam argues. They’re plastered to each other, limbs entangled, not a hint of daylight between them from toes to hair.
“Closer.”
Adam huffs. “Turn over, then.”
“No.”
Adam extracts himself from Tommy’s octopus arms and legs, and props himself on his elbow. “It’ll be easier.”
“Don’t care.” Tommy’s little face is stubborn.
“Or you could fuck me first.”
Tommy’s eyes open wide. “Maybe later,” he says, as though he hadn’t expected that to be on the menu.
“Okay, then. For your first time, I’m telling you it’s easier if you turn over.”
“Please.”
Adam can’t resist that. “Stubborn. You have to tell me if it doesn’t feel good.”
“What doesn’t feel good is I’m cold.”
“Are you telling me to hurry, cowboy?”
“I want my blanket back.”
Blanket means Adam. Adam’s smart enough to figure that out. “We can sleep together, or we can do it,” he says firmly. “Which is it?” He rubs a hand back and forth on Tommy’s chest to warm him a little.
“Both.” Tommy reaches up tentatively and touches Adam’s shoulder. “You have so many freckles.”
Adam chortles. “I’m a natural redhead.”
“Noticed that in the shower.” Tommy smirks a little.
“I need something. Don’t move.” Adam stopped bothering to keep condoms handy a long while back. He finds what he needs in the bathroom and hurries his ass back into the warm bed, bringing the supplies under the covers with him.
“You know how beautiful you are?” he asks Tommy, leaning down to kiss the center of his chest. Tommy blushes and turns his head on the pillow. Adam lifts one of Tommy’s legs and places a small foot on his shoulder. “Keep it there.”
“Awkward.”
“I know.” Adam grabs a spare pillow and pushes it under Tommy’s ass. “Like the man said, when it comes to sex the position is ridiculous.” He opens the lube one-handed and squelches it onto his fingers. “Good thing it feels so great.”
Tommy endures a finger in his ass for a brief moment, then grabs Adam’s pillow and throws it over his own face, anchoring it in place with his arms.
Adam stops what he’s doing. “Does it hurt?”
“Mmmph!”
He’s being as gentle as he can. “Baby, are you all right? We don’t have to do this.”
Tommy lifts the pillow and mock-glares. “Fuck you, keep going,” then slams the pillow back in place.
Wow. Bossy little thing. Who knew? Adam lucked out big-time. He chortles. “You’re something else, Tommy Joe.”
“Brrhshgh.”
Adam entertains the hope that their entire future sex life won’t involve a pillow over Tommy’s face. “I’m going on in, just warning you.”
He hears a suppressed giggle.
So he goes on in, ridiculous position notwithstanding. And that’s the most amazing thing. He never thought he’d be in this position, much as he wanted it from the moment he first saw Tommy. Waiting was the best thing ever because it’s so much more amazing, being in love. He’s going to wait a little longer, though, for Tommy to get used to it. He bends to kiss each small nipple, one after the other.
Tommy fidgets and lifts the pillow just enough to say clearly, “I’m okay,” then back it goes.
Adam grins, turns his head to kiss Tommy’s ankle. “I love you, honey,” he says softly. “Love you. Thank you.”
“Ferwhgt?”
“For being you. For loving me.” He puts Tommy’s other leg around his own waist and gets an arm beneath Tommy to hold him. He pulls out and then moves back in. Tommy is breathing hard under the pillow. Adam does it again, starting a slow and steady rhythm. Just when he figures he’ll have to proceed with making love to a pillow, Tommy hurls the thing across the room and twines his arms around Adam’s neck. Adam goes right down, kissing Tommy’s open mouth, his closed eyelids.
“I don’t know,” Tommy whispers.
“What?” Adam whispers back.
“How to tell you. How I feel.”
“You don’t have to say it out loud. Just let me know it’s okay, that I'm not doing anything you don't want.”
Tommy nods.
Adam kisses him again, lets his head fall against Tommy’s collarbone, his lips against Tommy’s arched throat as he rocks them together under the warm covers while the rain chatters against the window.
He comes, but not Tommy. It’s going to take time to learn one another’s rhythms. Adam isn’t worried, so long as Tommy is clutching him close like he’ll never let go. Which is fine by Adam, he could live that way forever. He rolls them over on their sides, still inside, still together.
“Tommy, I love you so totally. I’ll never ever ever leave you, love. You are so amazing I can’t even describe it.” Adam’s blabbering. He can’t stop. “You are the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen and the sweetest person on the face of the planet. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you. It would have been okay if we were just friends and I was ready to do that but then you said you love me and I thought I was going to die right then and… and you make me want to listen to music.”
Tommy slaps his bicep.
Well, that stops the runaway after-sex chitchat. “Tommy?” He opens his eyes to find Tommy staring at him.
“What is that? Some cheesy new lyrics?” Tommy asks. “I could set that to music for you.”
Adam keeps a straight face as long as he can - about two seconds - and erupts into laughter.
Tommy smiles. “Also, there’s something in my ass.”
Who the fuck knew? “You’re going to turn into a holy terror, aren’t you, Tommy?”
Tommy has one small correction. “Unholy terror.”
* * *
Night comes earlier than usual with the overcast skies. The rain hasn’t let up, because it may not rain that often in southern California, but when it does, it truly pours. Adam puts on a long-sleeved tee and jeans and socks. In the bottom drawer of the dresser, he finds drawstring sweats and a tee-shirt that shrunk too much in the wash but is too cool to get rid of; he shoves them under the covers in the spot where he’d been sleeping, so they will warm up before Tommy puts them on.
He lights candles that his mother had bought for him on her last visit. The apartment glows with soft light. In the kitchen, he handles the pans and mugs carefully, trying not to make a racket.
It’s wonderfully quiet and domestic to be making tea for himself and hot chocolate for Tommy.
Shuffling footsteps approach from the bedroom; Adam turns to see the sexiest thing ever, bedhead Tommy wearing Adam’s clothes, a sleepy, sheepish smile on his face.
“Come here, baby.” Adam opens his arms and Tommy walks right in and hugs Adam back. “Tomorrow,” Adam says, “how about we go and get Ronette and all her belongings and bring them here?”
Tommy nods vigorously against his chest.
“Plus your three tee-shirts and two pairs of jeans.”
Tommy snorfles. “And the Jag.”
“Let me think. That sounds noisy.”
Tommy tilts his face up and Adam looks down. “Package deal,” Tommy declares imperiously.
“Oh, whatever.” Adam kisses the impish smile, then tucks Tommy’s head under his chin and rocks them soothingly. “I feel like,” Adam begins. It seems as though something is stuck in his throat. Like his heart, for instance. He swallows and continues. “I feel as though I’ve been waiting my whole life for you to show up.”
“I’m here,” Tommy murmurs. “I’m home.”
Tommy is so right about that.
Home is Tommy, wherever he is.
Author: Montmorency
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Rating: R
Word Count: About 2,000 (this part only)
Disclaimer: This is fiction. Never happened. Written for entertainment only. The real people who form the basis of these characters have their own lives.
Summary: Adam and his friends are in a band, and their guitarist just ditched them to play for Madonna. Tommy shows up at the audition, but disappears shortly afterwards.
Happy New Year’s Eve, and I wish you all a wonderful 2013.
Thanks and xoxoxo to prompt-provider, pre-reader, and all-around enabler fairfax_verde.
The first chapter starts here
HOME
Home is a tiny apartment in the Hollywood flats with bad plumbing and peeling paint.
Home is Tommy against the wall next the door because Adam can’t wait another second, holding Tommy’s hands down by his hips, pressing him right fucking into the wall, kissing him like he’ll never get enough of it - because he’s not sure he ever will - and Tommy giving back as good as he’s getting.
Home is the soft look in Tommy’s eyes and the rosy flush on his cheeks.
When Adam finally draws away and lets Tommy’s hands go, those skinny arms instantly encircle his back, clutching fiercely. Adam wraps his arms around Tommy’s shoulders.
“Tommy honey, last chance to say no.”
The sound Tommy makes is nearly a growl.
Adam laughs in relief. “I’ll stop doing that, I promise.”
“Prove it,” Tommy challenges. He’s not letting up at all, in his own gentle way.
“Keep reminding me if I forget. God, I want to touch every part of you.”
“Do it.”
“Every single fucking part.” This is no time for pussyfooting around.
“Do it.”
At long last, Adam takes Tommy at his word.
First the still-damp clothes have to come off, and the damned things fight back every step of the way, particularly the denim. Next Adam wins a brief argument about showering to warm up. Not long after that, while Adam is kneeling in the tub with Tommy’s gorgeous cock in his mouth, water cascading over him like rain, his hair plastered to his forehead, looking up to see Tommy’s hands grasping at the slick tile walls, Tommy’s eyes scrunched closed, biting his lip… well, it’s clear that Tommy changed his mind somewhere along the way. Showers and sex do go together. Told ya.
Then Adam towels Tommy dry because he will never stop wanting to take care of him. Tommy lets him. Tommy likes it, going by the crooked smile on his lips. Adam is going to have to learn when it’s okay to be protective and when not to hover.
They drop the towels and run for the bed, snuggling in immediately. All that gloriously naked skin: Adam pulls Tommy close, tries to merge them into one being. He knows he has succeeded once he can’t tell which are his legs and which are Tommy’s. He wants to explore the small body but for now that can wait because he does not want to let go. They fit together too perfectly.
“You feel amazing,” he whispers into Tommy’s ear, then kisses it.
Tommy wriggles. “Don’t laugh at me.”
“I wouldn’t. Why would I?” He gets that Tommy isn’t used to being intimate with someone but he would never laugh at him. With him, sure. Sex can be very amusing.
“If I’m not good at this,” Tommy mumbles.
“Pfft. You want to know something funny? I was a virgin until I was nineteen.”
“You were?”
“In high school I felt so lonely. I didn’t want to go out with girls but I didn’t know how to approach boys. I thought I was the only gay person in the school. I waited so long to find out how wrong I was.”
“Oh. I wish I’d been there.”
“To be my hero?”
“You said you wouldn’t laugh at me.” There’s a snicker in Tommy’s voice, though. “I was twenty.”
Twenty what? Oh. So they’re kind of on the same page, Adam thinks, stroking a hand down Tommy’s back. But of course Adam moved to Los Angeles after he came out to his parents, and found all the gay clubs and met other boys like himself and had plenty of friendly (and very safe, thanks for the lecture, Dad) sex. He doesn't want Tommy to follow his footsteps that way. He wants Tommy entirely for himself, forever. No sharing. Whether it’s fair or not. Also, that way Tommy won’t be able to compare gay sex with anyone else. Adam’s ego isn’t so big that it can survive that.
“Adam?”
“Yes, honey?” Adam’s hand wanders down to Tommy’s tiny ass. He can cover the whole thing with one hand, pretty much.
“Are we going to do it?”
“Do what?”
“It.”
It. Adam ponders. That could mean anything. He squeezes Tommy’s ass and Tommy emits a cute squeak. Ah. It. Okay then.
“We don’t have to do anything.”
“Yes, we do.”
“Tommy…”
“Adam!”
“We don’t have to do everything all at once.”
“What if I want to. Like, be closer.”
“We’re pretty close,” Adam argues. They’re plastered to each other, limbs entangled, not a hint of daylight between them from toes to hair.
“Closer.”
Adam huffs. “Turn over, then.”
“No.”
Adam extracts himself from Tommy’s octopus arms and legs, and props himself on his elbow. “It’ll be easier.”
“Don’t care.” Tommy’s little face is stubborn.
“Or you could fuck me first.”
Tommy’s eyes open wide. “Maybe later,” he says, as though he hadn’t expected that to be on the menu.
“Okay, then. For your first time, I’m telling you it’s easier if you turn over.”
“Please.”
Adam can’t resist that. “Stubborn. You have to tell me if it doesn’t feel good.”
“What doesn’t feel good is I’m cold.”
“Are you telling me to hurry, cowboy?”
“I want my blanket back.”
Blanket means Adam. Adam’s smart enough to figure that out. “We can sleep together, or we can do it,” he says firmly. “Which is it?” He rubs a hand back and forth on Tommy’s chest to warm him a little.
“Both.” Tommy reaches up tentatively and touches Adam’s shoulder. “You have so many freckles.”
Adam chortles. “I’m a natural redhead.”
“Noticed that in the shower.” Tommy smirks a little.
“I need something. Don’t move.” Adam stopped bothering to keep condoms handy a long while back. He finds what he needs in the bathroom and hurries his ass back into the warm bed, bringing the supplies under the covers with him.
“You know how beautiful you are?” he asks Tommy, leaning down to kiss the center of his chest. Tommy blushes and turns his head on the pillow. Adam lifts one of Tommy’s legs and places a small foot on his shoulder. “Keep it there.”
“Awkward.”
“I know.” Adam grabs a spare pillow and pushes it under Tommy’s ass. “Like the man said, when it comes to sex the position is ridiculous.” He opens the lube one-handed and squelches it onto his fingers. “Good thing it feels so great.”
Tommy endures a finger in his ass for a brief moment, then grabs Adam’s pillow and throws it over his own face, anchoring it in place with his arms.
Adam stops what he’s doing. “Does it hurt?”
“Mmmph!”
He’s being as gentle as he can. “Baby, are you all right? We don’t have to do this.”
Tommy lifts the pillow and mock-glares. “Fuck you, keep going,” then slams the pillow back in place.
Wow. Bossy little thing. Who knew? Adam lucked out big-time. He chortles. “You’re something else, Tommy Joe.”
“Brrhshgh.”
Adam entertains the hope that their entire future sex life won’t involve a pillow over Tommy’s face. “I’m going on in, just warning you.”
He hears a suppressed giggle.
So he goes on in, ridiculous position notwithstanding. And that’s the most amazing thing. He never thought he’d be in this position, much as he wanted it from the moment he first saw Tommy. Waiting was the best thing ever because it’s so much more amazing, being in love. He’s going to wait a little longer, though, for Tommy to get used to it. He bends to kiss each small nipple, one after the other.
Tommy fidgets and lifts the pillow just enough to say clearly, “I’m okay,” then back it goes.
Adam grins, turns his head to kiss Tommy’s ankle. “I love you, honey,” he says softly. “Love you. Thank you.”
“Ferwhgt?”
“For being you. For loving me.” He puts Tommy’s other leg around his own waist and gets an arm beneath Tommy to hold him. He pulls out and then moves back in. Tommy is breathing hard under the pillow. Adam does it again, starting a slow and steady rhythm. Just when he figures he’ll have to proceed with making love to a pillow, Tommy hurls the thing across the room and twines his arms around Adam’s neck. Adam goes right down, kissing Tommy’s open mouth, his closed eyelids.
“I don’t know,” Tommy whispers.
“What?” Adam whispers back.
“How to tell you. How I feel.”
“You don’t have to say it out loud. Just let me know it’s okay, that I'm not doing anything you don't want.”
Tommy nods.
Adam kisses him again, lets his head fall against Tommy’s collarbone, his lips against Tommy’s arched throat as he rocks them together under the warm covers while the rain chatters against the window.
He comes, but not Tommy. It’s going to take time to learn one another’s rhythms. Adam isn’t worried, so long as Tommy is clutching him close like he’ll never let go. Which is fine by Adam, he could live that way forever. He rolls them over on their sides, still inside, still together.
“Tommy, I love you so totally. I’ll never ever ever leave you, love. You are so amazing I can’t even describe it.” Adam’s blabbering. He can’t stop. “You are the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen and the sweetest person on the face of the planet. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you. It would have been okay if we were just friends and I was ready to do that but then you said you love me and I thought I was going to die right then and… and you make me want to listen to music.”
Tommy slaps his bicep.
Well, that stops the runaway after-sex chitchat. “Tommy?” He opens his eyes to find Tommy staring at him.
“What is that? Some cheesy new lyrics?” Tommy asks. “I could set that to music for you.”
Adam keeps a straight face as long as he can - about two seconds - and erupts into laughter.
Tommy smiles. “Also, there’s something in my ass.”
Who the fuck knew? “You’re going to turn into a holy terror, aren’t you, Tommy?”
Tommy has one small correction. “Unholy terror.”
* * *
Night comes earlier than usual with the overcast skies. The rain hasn’t let up, because it may not rain that often in southern California, but when it does, it truly pours. Adam puts on a long-sleeved tee and jeans and socks. In the bottom drawer of the dresser, he finds drawstring sweats and a tee-shirt that shrunk too much in the wash but is too cool to get rid of; he shoves them under the covers in the spot where he’d been sleeping, so they will warm up before Tommy puts them on.
He lights candles that his mother had bought for him on her last visit. The apartment glows with soft light. In the kitchen, he handles the pans and mugs carefully, trying not to make a racket.
It’s wonderfully quiet and domestic to be making tea for himself and hot chocolate for Tommy.
Shuffling footsteps approach from the bedroom; Adam turns to see the sexiest thing ever, bedhead Tommy wearing Adam’s clothes, a sleepy, sheepish smile on his face.
“Come here, baby.” Adam opens his arms and Tommy walks right in and hugs Adam back. “Tomorrow,” Adam says, “how about we go and get Ronette and all her belongings and bring them here?”
Tommy nods vigorously against his chest.
“Plus your three tee-shirts and two pairs of jeans.”
Tommy snorfles. “And the Jag.”
“Let me think. That sounds noisy.”
Tommy tilts his face up and Adam looks down. “Package deal,” Tommy declares imperiously.
“Oh, whatever.” Adam kisses the impish smile, then tucks Tommy’s head under his chin and rocks them soothingly. “I feel like,” Adam begins. It seems as though something is stuck in his throat. Like his heart, for instance. He swallows and continues. “I feel as though I’ve been waiting my whole life for you to show up.”
“I’m here,” Tommy murmurs. “I’m home.”
Tommy is so right about that.
Home is Tommy, wherever he is.