[vixx] volumes of silence
title: volumes of silence
pairing(s): leo/hongbin
rating: pg
wordcount: 1076
summary: A short ficlet of Taekwoon, Hongbin, and many things unspoken.
a/n: De-anon from hereabouts. Prompt was this: "gnossienne, n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored---an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand." (was for leo/anyone, but ultimately, who am i to pass up leobin like this, sorry OP)
"And it turned out that Hakyeon had had this dancing gig on the side for four years, and he just never told him about it," Hongbin chatters. "I mean. I heard it from Wonshik, so I'm not sure about the whole story, but I guess Hakyeon just never talked about it, and Jaehwan never asked. Until one of Hakyeon's customers hit him or something, and it left a mark, and all the shit hit the fan."
Taekwoon frowns thoughtfully. "So did Hakyeon quit the job?"
"I think so," Hongbin says. "Well, I don't know. But I just thought it was crazy that they've been dating for, what, three years? And Jaehwan just never knew about something so important."
"Yeah," Taekwoon murmurs. "Crazy."
Hongbin is clearly disappointed with this lack of reaction, and he returns his attention to the screen of his laptop, balanced on a pillow relocated from Taekwoon's bed. July heat has hit Seoul with a vengeance, so they've set up camp in the living room, where the apartment's only electric fan is located, and where they can sprawl on the relatively cool hardwood floor. Taekwoon watches Hongbin gulp down the last of his watery lemonade and then let an ice cube slide from the glass into his mouth. The drone of the outdated fan fills the room, the loud whirring only serving as a reminder that they are fighting a losing battle against the oppressively hot weather. Taekwoon is hyperaware of a fat bead of sweat trickling from the back of his neck, between his shoulder blades, alongside the knobs of his spine, down and down, all the way into the waistband of his underwear.
This is disgusting. Taekwoon glances over at shirtless Hongbin, and is gratified to see that he is just as gross. A sheen of perspiration coats his forehead and chest, draws the light of the noon sun to his collarbones and the musculature of his stomach. They should go to the pool or something, Taekwoon thinks hazily, someplace where Hongbin can be mostly naked and dripping wet and not be the only thing to look at.
He opens his mouth to suggest this, right as Hongbin opens his mouth to say something else, and they look at each other and laugh, after a beat.
"You go first," Hongbin titters.
"No, you," Taekwoon insists.
"Okay, I was just going to ask," Hongbin starts, closing his laptop. "Do you think Jaehwan and Hakyeon will break up?"
Ah, Taekwoon thinks, caught off guard. Are they still talking about that?
"No," he says. "Why?"
"Don't you think that would be a big deal, though?" Hongbin presses. "To suddenly find out that your significant other was hiding something like that for so long, I mean, wouldn't you start just wondering, like, about what else they weren't telling you?"
Taekwoon shrugs. This isn't territory he really wants to enter at the moment, yet it doesn't feel like the right time to suggest they go swimming, so he clams up.
"It would be like, I don't know," Hongbin says, "like if you suddenly told me you were dating men."
Taekwoon tenses, then immediately shakes his head with a forced laugh. "Right, that would be ridiculous."
But Hongbin has known him long enough to feel the lie in Taekwoon's words. He peers at Taekwoon carefully, gingerly, as though there's something breakable in Taekwoon's eyes.
"You're," Hongbin says slowly, "you're not dating men, are you?"
"No," Taekwoon says quickly. This is the truth. "I'd tell you if I were." This is a lie.
But Hongbin has wandered a little too close to the secret that Taekwoon can't even admit to himself. From the puzzlement lingering on his face, Taekwoon knows that he hasn't quite put all the pieces together, hasn't stumbled upon the unthinkable thing, but he has found the chink in Taekwoon's armor, and he will attack it until Taekwoon spills. Hongbin has always been a little too enamored with the idea of intimacy, of utter trust, and their years of friendship have provided him with a full arsenal of tactics for breaking Taekwoon down and baring his heart.
Little does he know that he has Taekwoon's heart, that all he has to do to break him down is smile with those cherry-red lips, to dip his head low and look up shyly through the curve of his eyelashes, to just say Taekwoon's name, and Taekwoon is gone. There was a day, once, in late April, with the balmy weather mocking him from just beyond the library windows, when Taekwoon had been studying, and Hongbin had smiled at him and said his name.
"Jung Taekwoon?" He had been timid, quiet in deference to the hush of midterms, yet eager, unafraid of Taekwoon's coolly lidded eyes.
"Yeah?"
"I was absent the other day, but the professor said we're supposed to be partners on this project."
"Oh."
"I don't think we've met. My name is Hongbin." And then had come that breathtaking smile, and Taekwoon had fallen in love.
But Hongbin can't ever be allowed to know of Taekwoon's treachery, because there is a comfortable symmetry to their relationship as it stands, and Taekwoon is not one to rock the boat. He'll have to find some way of distracting Hongbin from the truth later. For now, he works up all of his courage to focus on the task of meeting Hongbin's eyes, and when he does, he is shocked to see them blazing and wild and calm.
This is new to Taekwoon, this flare of unrecognizable emotion in his friend's expression. Hongbin is transparent and predictable, with a miserable poker face and a strong sense of duty to a straightforward creed of honesty.
"I just want us to be able to be truthful with each other," he has been known to say earnestly, "so we can really talk."
Hongbin hates burying secrets. He is the initiator of truth circles. So why, now, do his eyes gleam with so many things unspoken?
Taekwoon realizes with a jolt that maybe he isn't the only one hiding something important, something big. Hongbin opens his mouth, maybe just to shoot the breeze, maybe to rouse something long-dormant and dangerous. Taekwoon isn't ready to face his own demons, much less meet Hongbin's, so he swallows down admissions of forbidden feelings and tries to stop looking at the sadness pooled deep in Hongbin's pupils.
"It's way too hot," Taekwoon says, clearing his throat. "Let's go swimming."
pairing(s): leo/hongbin
rating: pg
wordcount: 1076
summary: A short ficlet of Taekwoon, Hongbin, and many things unspoken.
a/n: De-anon from hereabouts. Prompt was this: "gnossienne, n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored---an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand." (was for leo/anyone, but ultimately, who am i to pass up leobin like this, sorry OP)
"And it turned out that Hakyeon had had this dancing gig on the side for four years, and he just never told him about it," Hongbin chatters. "I mean. I heard it from Wonshik, so I'm not sure about the whole story, but I guess Hakyeon just never talked about it, and Jaehwan never asked. Until one of Hakyeon's customers hit him or something, and it left a mark, and all the shit hit the fan."
Taekwoon frowns thoughtfully. "So did Hakyeon quit the job?"
"I think so," Hongbin says. "Well, I don't know. But I just thought it was crazy that they've been dating for, what, three years? And Jaehwan just never knew about something so important."
"Yeah," Taekwoon murmurs. "Crazy."
Hongbin is clearly disappointed with this lack of reaction, and he returns his attention to the screen of his laptop, balanced on a pillow relocated from Taekwoon's bed. July heat has hit Seoul with a vengeance, so they've set up camp in the living room, where the apartment's only electric fan is located, and where they can sprawl on the relatively cool hardwood floor. Taekwoon watches Hongbin gulp down the last of his watery lemonade and then let an ice cube slide from the glass into his mouth. The drone of the outdated fan fills the room, the loud whirring only serving as a reminder that they are fighting a losing battle against the oppressively hot weather. Taekwoon is hyperaware of a fat bead of sweat trickling from the back of his neck, between his shoulder blades, alongside the knobs of his spine, down and down, all the way into the waistband of his underwear.
This is disgusting. Taekwoon glances over at shirtless Hongbin, and is gratified to see that he is just as gross. A sheen of perspiration coats his forehead and chest, draws the light of the noon sun to his collarbones and the musculature of his stomach. They should go to the pool or something, Taekwoon thinks hazily, someplace where Hongbin can be mostly naked and dripping wet and not be the only thing to look at.
He opens his mouth to suggest this, right as Hongbin opens his mouth to say something else, and they look at each other and laugh, after a beat.
"You go first," Hongbin titters.
"No, you," Taekwoon insists.
"Okay, I was just going to ask," Hongbin starts, closing his laptop. "Do you think Jaehwan and Hakyeon will break up?"
Ah, Taekwoon thinks, caught off guard. Are they still talking about that?
"No," he says. "Why?"
"Don't you think that would be a big deal, though?" Hongbin presses. "To suddenly find out that your significant other was hiding something like that for so long, I mean, wouldn't you start just wondering, like, about what else they weren't telling you?"
Taekwoon shrugs. This isn't territory he really wants to enter at the moment, yet it doesn't feel like the right time to suggest they go swimming, so he clams up.
"It would be like, I don't know," Hongbin says, "like if you suddenly told me you were dating men."
Taekwoon tenses, then immediately shakes his head with a forced laugh. "Right, that would be ridiculous."
But Hongbin has known him long enough to feel the lie in Taekwoon's words. He peers at Taekwoon carefully, gingerly, as though there's something breakable in Taekwoon's eyes.
"You're," Hongbin says slowly, "you're not dating men, are you?"
"No," Taekwoon says quickly. This is the truth. "I'd tell you if I were." This is a lie.
But Hongbin has wandered a little too close to the secret that Taekwoon can't even admit to himself. From the puzzlement lingering on his face, Taekwoon knows that he hasn't quite put all the pieces together, hasn't stumbled upon the unthinkable thing, but he has found the chink in Taekwoon's armor, and he will attack it until Taekwoon spills. Hongbin has always been a little too enamored with the idea of intimacy, of utter trust, and their years of friendship have provided him with a full arsenal of tactics for breaking Taekwoon down and baring his heart.
Little does he know that he has Taekwoon's heart, that all he has to do to break him down is smile with those cherry-red lips, to dip his head low and look up shyly through the curve of his eyelashes, to just say Taekwoon's name, and Taekwoon is gone. There was a day, once, in late April, with the balmy weather mocking him from just beyond the library windows, when Taekwoon had been studying, and Hongbin had smiled at him and said his name.
"Jung Taekwoon?" He had been timid, quiet in deference to the hush of midterms, yet eager, unafraid of Taekwoon's coolly lidded eyes.
"Yeah?"
"I was absent the other day, but the professor said we're supposed to be partners on this project."
"Oh."
"I don't think we've met. My name is Hongbin." And then had come that breathtaking smile, and Taekwoon had fallen in love.
But Hongbin can't ever be allowed to know of Taekwoon's treachery, because there is a comfortable symmetry to their relationship as it stands, and Taekwoon is not one to rock the boat. He'll have to find some way of distracting Hongbin from the truth later. For now, he works up all of his courage to focus on the task of meeting Hongbin's eyes, and when he does, he is shocked to see them blazing and wild and calm.
This is new to Taekwoon, this flare of unrecognizable emotion in his friend's expression. Hongbin is transparent and predictable, with a miserable poker face and a strong sense of duty to a straightforward creed of honesty.
"I just want us to be able to be truthful with each other," he has been known to say earnestly, "so we can really talk."
Hongbin hates burying secrets. He is the initiator of truth circles. So why, now, do his eyes gleam with so many things unspoken?
Taekwoon realizes with a jolt that maybe he isn't the only one hiding something important, something big. Hongbin opens his mouth, maybe just to shoot the breeze, maybe to rouse something long-dormant and dangerous. Taekwoon isn't ready to face his own demons, much less meet Hongbin's, so he swallows down admissions of forbidden feelings and tries to stop looking at the sadness pooled deep in Hongbin's pupils.
"It's way too hot," Taekwoon says, clearing his throat. "Let's go swimming."