A Homecoming Of My Own
I got a job.
FINALLY.
It's been 3 months since my last, very temporary job with the Census. 6 months before that one. And after that I was decidedly very far away with no reason to get a job since I was out of the country.
It's at a law firm and I have absolutely NO idea what I'm doing for not so great of pay. But I guess it's a job.
And it's back in my hometown. Missoula. The town I have been wanting to move back to since coming back to the States in July 2009. This is my home. My life. My parents don't seem to understand why I care so much about moving back to "the city." They seem to be perfectly content living in the sticks miles from anything. But I was born in Missoula. Raised in Missoula. It's who I am, it's in my blood, my bones ... everything.
It defines me as much as I define Missoula.
So as this week is homecoming for the University of Montana, I'm finding that now I'm having a little homecoming of my own.
Now to find a damn apartment.
*HEADDESK*
While I love Missoula to bits, I am SO not enamoured by her skyhigh rent. UNCOOL.
It seems everything in my life has always been last minute, unplanned and disorganized in a way that I'm barely figuring out how to do anything. (I guess that's life in general though ... ) But this last minute struggle to find a place while I'm working full time is just stressing me out in a ridiculous way. Part of it is because I've never actually looked for a place on my own. I lived with my parents until university, then lived in the dorms, and the first place I stayed in on my own, I wasn't the one who did the searching and applying and everything (only because I was working 4 hours away and didn't exactly have the ability to do it myself).
So I suppose I'm kind of freaked out a bit.
Rent. Bills. Food. Gas. LIFE.
BUT I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!
If I learned anything whilst in Norway and trekking my way all over Europe, it's that I should just go with the flow. Let things do what they will because they will no matter what you try and do. And that everything will work out in the end. It may not be the route you expected or wanted, but for some reason it'll be okay.
*SIGH*
This job is definately not what I expected. Not that I knew what to expect. I've never worked in a law firm. I've never been a receptionist. I've never done any legal work ever. And it's not the kind of job where you can just ... fumble through something and eventually figure out a way to get the job done. You have to know what you're doing, and if you don't, you can't BS it because apparently the Courts have problems with anyone not adhereing to their rules. So you have to feel like an idiot every 10 minutes you get up and ask someone to show you how to do something for the 100th time.
They keep telling me I'll get the hang of it, but I'm not too sure.
Does this mean law school is not for me? Even though I never plan on being a lawyer ...
Maybe I should have taken some law classes before shooting for jobs that were not in a hotel, or canvassing, or temporary, or paid higher than minimum wage.
UGH.
I just feel like my life is passing me by and that if I don't do everything RIGHT NOW, I'll never get a chance and I'll be too old.
This job is not something I plan to do forever. I know that through and through. I will NOT let it be my job forever.
I want to be able to get on my feet. Go back to school. Go back to Norway. Travel. GET A JOB WITH MY FRAKKING INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS DEGREE. For crying out loud I didn't study what I studied just to work at a damn law firm as the receptionist. Can't somebody give me a job that pays me to travel and just see the world???
I've come to the realization that 9-5 jobs, in crappy offices for crappy pay, doing something that makes no sense to me, is NOT for me.
I want to do something more with my life.
P.S. This was not ever meant to be my first post. But that's my lazy ass fault. I meant to start it when I flew off to Norway, and document my amazing time there. Internet issues, living in a different country, school and me just being lazy all got in the way though. Maybe now I'll be better. Maybe. ;)