I need a little time to think it over

[montana_csi]

Having left Lucy with her parents-in-law, Lindsay had wandered around New York for a while, just lost in her thoughts and not really paying much attention to anything. She needed to get out and away from home, too many reminders of what had happened and what they lost. And Danny just didn't seem to understand that they needed different things. She

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[get_messed_up]

He didn't know what Lindsay had planned; she's his wife, Lucy's mother, and she's got every right to leave Lucy with his parents so she can have some free time. She deserves it, especially after what happened with Jess; she needs to slowly decompress, slowly work out the pain and the sorrow and the fear and the loneliness and the guilt. He can't do that for her, and it's something she has to do on her own, with him there solely as a source of support and love.

If she's not home when I get out, he decides, I'll head home, pack a bag, an' Lucy an' I can give her a night off. Spend the night in Staten. He can't remember the last time he'd done that; he could use the comfort of his parents, especially his mother, right now. He hasn't spent time with them in so long, and he can't remember the last time he spent time with them apart from Lindsay. Not that he resents his wife, because he doesn't, not at all; he's struggling to deal with this, Jess's loss, and his mother's a wise woman. She might have perspective he lacks

[montana_csi]

Seeing him working made her smile just a little. Danny loved his job, even if sometimes he did stupid things, his heart was always in the right place when it came to work. She took in his form, missing his glasses and wishing he'd shave a little more so he had more scruff and less beard. He looked tired and lost in his own world.

That twinkle in his eye had gone, the cheekiness to his smile, the innuendo's and cocky remarks. Danny was a broken man, as broken as she was but in different ways. He was reaching out for the one woman who needed space to grieve, and while she was willing to be there for him at times, she needed her own space.

God how she missed those glasses, and that cocky smile...and that light in his eyes. When he walked towards her she lowered the bag, holding it out to him, "I brought you some donuts."

[get_messed_up]

His eyes meet hers. They're dark blue with dark pupils, his skin pale, his body tired. They've been through so much, and maybe this reaching out thing only works when he's the only one hurting. If he didn't have Lucy and Lindsay, he'd start drinking again, spending his nights off getting completely plastered in a bar and going home with a nameless woman and sneaking home in the morning. But he's a husband now, a father now. He needs to be responsible for his girls. He can't handle things the way he used to handle them.

"Thanks," he murmurs, taking the bag and setting the donuts on the small table by the door. "Uh... wanna have some? Or... yeah. I'm just finishin' up."

[montana_csi]

"Your eyes look tired, you should wear your glasses for a while, give them a chance to breathe." As she spoke she reached up and brushed her fingers across his cheek bone before shaking her head, "And your folks are keeping Lucy for the night so you can sleep through without needing to see to her." Letting her hand drop, Lindsay gave him hand a smile, "Mac said I can start back to work next week, just two half days a week until they next rota's are written."

When he took the bag she shook her head, "I've already had some, those are for you." She motioned towards the door with her head, "I'll wait for you to finish up, we can go home together." Pressing a quick kiss to his cheek Lindsay headed back towards the locker rooms.

[get_messed_up]

"I'll get some rest when I get home," he promises quietly. He begins to say, After I go get Lu- before realizing what she's said, that Lucy is staying over his parents' for the night. He misses his daughter, especially now that Jess is gone, as though Lucy being out of his sight runs the risk of losing her, too. How broken will they be if they ever lose Lucy

[montana_csi]

Lindsay is down the corridor, she'd already been stopped and pretty much squeezed to death by Adam, and was not chatting to Don in the corridor. Her eyes closed and she smiled as Don wrapped his arms around her, hugging her gently. He'd been a good friend to her, listening to her when she needed to talk to someone who'd understand the grief she'd been going through. He'd been throught he same grief and guilt when Jess died. Both of them blamed themselves for the loss of their girls.

"I'll see you later," she said softly and thanks. When Don squeezed her hand and glanced down, noticing the tattoo, she smiled and explained, watching him watch her face. It was still so hard for her, so very hard. Don excuses himself when his phone rings and he heads off towards the elevators.

Leaning against the wall, Lindsay looked down at her wrist, her fingers brushing over the tattoo she'd got there. Silent. Hurting.

[get_messed_up]

He finds Lindsay down the hall, not yet having reached the locker room, a pained expression on her face. She was doing her best to hide it, but he's her husband; he knows her too well. Her fingers move slowly over her wrist, and he knows instantly that she's stroking her tattoo, still in its healing stages. She'd be able to feel the raised skin in the imprint of their daughter's footprints. He can't even put into words how happy he is that he'd printed her before she was taken away. No matter what, they will always have her footprints. Always. It's part of Jess that no one can ever take away.

"Hey," he murmurs softly, stopping a few feet away from her. "Home?"

[montana_csi]

Slowly Lindsay looked up, smiling at him with a smile that didn't reach her eyes and she nodded. "Home it is, have you got your things yet?" Of course he didn't, Danny hadn't passed her yet and the lockeroom was on the other side of her. Her mind wasn't really concentrating.

"I was thinking Chinese for dinner, we could order in when we get home, have a bottle of wine or some beers," maybe the alcohol would help them both, maybe it wouldn't. But it was worth a try.

[get_messed_up]

He notices the slightly haunted look she bears; he always does, but he ignores it, knowing that it isn't the time or the place. "Nah, I gotta get 'em. I was on my way ta the locker room when I saw ya here. Come with me?"

He nods vehemently; he's not working tomorrow, and Lindsay's still off. He could get good and drunk without having to worry about Lucy, or who'll take care of her. For nearly a year, he'd been responsible; one night wasn't going to kill anyone if Lucy was away. "Chinese an' drinkin'. That sounds amazin'." They can order the Chinese when they get home. Their favorite place delivers, and he can easily run out to the liquor store or the bodega and pick up as much alcohol as they need. Maybe a bottle of wine and beer. A lot of beer.

[montana_csi]

Glancing around she nodded and pushed off the wall, walking alone with him, "Did you bring your bike today or did you ride the train?"

"It's a while since the two of us have had a night together, I thought it would do us both good to have a little treat." Walking with him she pushed open the door to the locker room, but waited by it for him to get his things together. "Adam was telling me about his new girlfriend earlier, he seems rather smitten wit her, it's nice to see him so bubbly again. After all the teasing about Haylen and him being worried that she was trying to take his job."

[get_messed_up]

"I left my bike at home," he explains. "I got called in two hours early an' I didn't wanna wake ya up by takin' the bike out. Hawkes picked me up on the way ta the scene."

Nodding, he looks straight ahead, casting sidelong glances at his wife every few steps as they head toward the locker room. He twists the lock, snapping the locker open, grabbing his leather jacket and bag, and slamming it shut with an echoing clang. "What's her name again? The girlfriend." He slings his bag over his shoulder, folding his jacket over his arm; it's warm out, a blissful spring. "C'mon. Let's get outta here." He hasn't had the desire to get drunk in a long time, but now, it's back with a vengeance, almost like what Flack had gone through after Angell's death.

[montana_csi]

Lindsay nodded at his explination, she expected he'd use his bike more now the weather had changed for the better.

As he collected her things, Lindsay played with a loose thread on her jacket, twisting it around her finger and watching as it's tip turned red, then purple and finally a blue. "Hmmm?" She looked up, dropping the thread, "Oh, Elle, he showed me a picture, very pretty, sounds like a nice girl." She was happy for him. Nodding as he walked towards her, Lindsay stepped out into the corridor and waited until he was out before walking towards the elevator with him and down onto the streets.

ooc:Want to skip to them getting home.

[get_messed_up]

She seems distracted; that's fine with him, because he won't press the issue of their dead daughter. She won't go to counseling, she won't grieve with him except for that one time, that one time, and he's beginning to crack. Maybe a night of complete indifference at best, apathy at worst, is what they need. A night of getting so drunk that they don't exactly remember what happened in the morning. "Oh, Elle." He shrugs. "I think Adam was talkin' 'bout her the other day." I don't know, I wasn't listenin'. Mac had called his name three times the other day when handing out assignments; he couldn't rely on Mac's compassion forever. He had to pull it together, to flip to the opposite extreme and bury himself in his work.

He walks silently by her side, saying nothing. There is nothing to say. She's made her decision, they have plans for the night, there isn't anything to talk about that won't be glossing over the pain they hold between them.

[yes]

[montana_csi]

On the journey home, Lindsay sits nect to Danny on the train and five minutes into the journey she shifts to rest her head upon his shoulder, walking from the train she takes his hand as they head down the street and by the time they get to their front door she walking with her arm around him and head on his shoulder. She looked tired on her feet, the day had been long for her, just walking about thinking.

Moving from his side, Lindsay unlocked the door and headed inside, slipping off her coat and shoes before walking further into their quiet house. Setting down her things she headed up stairs to Lucy's room, depositing the toy in her room before heading to the bathroom. Moments later she called Danny's name.

[get_messed_up]

As they head home, she gets more and more physically affectionate with her husband; she leans her head on his shoulder, takes his hand, and walks with her arm around him. He does his best to support her, but the end goal in his mind is to get good and drunk tonight. He doesn't know if he can deal with another argument or Lindsay pushing him away again. Even as she touches him, moving closer, he goes with it but remains silent. She's his wife, and he loves her to death and beyond, but today - he's pained, exhausted, and wants to be numb.

They walk into the house; she immediately moves away, putting her things away before heading with a toy to, he assumes, Lucy's room. As he removes his boots and jacket, unstrapping his holster and removing his badge to store all in the gun safe in their bedroom, he hears Lindsay call his name. "Yeah?" he calls back, clicking the gun safe closed, wandering through the house to find his wife.

[montana_csi]

When she hears him coming close, Lindsay snakes hold of his hand and drags him into the bathroom, sitting him down on the close lid of the toilet. Beside her on the sink is a razor and some foam, the sink filled with water. She grabs the face cloth, wetting his cheeks before reaching for the foam.

"I hope you've not got any plans for tomorrow because I've made arrangements for us to do something before we pick Lucy up from your folks."

Sitting down on a small stool in front of him, Lindsay held the can of foam between her knees. Reaching into her back pocket she pulled out a scrap of folded paper. If he opened it he'd see a picture. At the top were two rings entwined with the date of their wedding in Roman numerals. Under were Lucy's baby feet, her name and date of birth the same. But under, there was Jess' feet, put on the page so they were left to right instead and turned slightly to look like a pair of tiny angel wings.