(no subject)
I believe that it is out there. The person I am looking for, the life that I want. I believe it is out there. And screw you if you say that the type of person I'm looking for doesn't exist. It does. I've seen it. And I will find it for myself. I will not just settle. I can't... I can't *not* believe that what I want so badly doesn't exist for me. How is that fair? Yes yes, life isn't fair... but I have to believe it's there. Because if I don't, I don't know what to believe in, and I feel like I'm cheating myself.
Why do people feel like they have to crush your hopes and dreams? Yes, I am young, but I have seen life. Not all of it, no. But I have loved, I have lost. I have dealt with death, and I have seen life brought into the world. I have stood by and watched people destroy themselves, and I have helped people fight past difficulties to arise a stronger person. I have watched relationships thrive and fail, and I have forged friendships that will last through the ages, as well as lost some that were devastating to lose.
I know how life can be. I know that a lot of the time, things do not work out as you had hoped, or planned. I know that it is difficult to make life go as you wish. However, just because you have become jaded for whatever reason doesn't mean that I have to settle. You don't have to tell me that my knight in shining armor doesn't exist, because maybe he does. I believe he does. Just because someone else settled doesn't mean I have to. Sure, realistically I know that the *perfect* person I am looking for may not come around. That's ok, I don't need someone that is the perfect anything... I don't look for perfection. Everyone has their flaws and I am willing to accept and work around some of them. That doesn't mean that the person I want for myself isn't out there.
I am still kind of crazy over... everything, right now. I'm on this weird roller coaster where one minute I'm great and happy and everything is shiny, and the next moment I'm sobbing over nothing. I know this is normal, what with my two monumental losses and everything else recently. It doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me less. I get a headache, or a friend gets a headache, and I get irrationally paranoid. That will pass. I have been very introspective lately, and much more defensive about life and what it holds for me. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe not. I don't know. But I hold on to the details that I can control, because there is so much spinning crazily out of control that sometimes I feel I can't hold on to it all. So I focus on the things that I *can* control so that I continue moving forward.
Things are slowly working out. I've told the boy-thing that went crazy in my life that he was the least of my problems, and that really, I wasn't falling for him and didn't need his crazy right now. Maybe that's mean, but it needed to be said and I was done with the crazy, in the face of everything else. He and I are ok, and we're really great friends, so that's better. I have a place to live in a week, and I can stay there as long or as short as I need to. I got approved for unemployment, and I have a possible in on a job. So yes, things are slowly working out, because I am making them do so.
So yes. I will find what I want out of life. I am optimistic like that. Not only am I optimistic, but I am driven, and strong willed, and when I want something, I will make it happen. I don't expect life to give me hand outs. If it happens, great. But mostly, I make my own way. And that is why I believe I will find what I want. I refuse to settle for anything less, and screw you for trying to bring it down. I'm dealing with enough shit already.
Why do people feel like they have to crush your hopes and dreams? Yes, I am young, but I have seen life. Not all of it, no. But I have loved, I have lost. I have dealt with death, and I have seen life brought into the world. I have stood by and watched people destroy themselves, and I have helped people fight past difficulties to arise a stronger person. I have watched relationships thrive and fail, and I have forged friendships that will last through the ages, as well as lost some that were devastating to lose.
I know how life can be. I know that a lot of the time, things do not work out as you had hoped, or planned. I know that it is difficult to make life go as you wish. However, just because you have become jaded for whatever reason doesn't mean that I have to settle. You don't have to tell me that my knight in shining armor doesn't exist, because maybe he does. I believe he does. Just because someone else settled doesn't mean I have to. Sure, realistically I know that the *perfect* person I am looking for may not come around. That's ok, I don't need someone that is the perfect anything... I don't look for perfection. Everyone has their flaws and I am willing to accept and work around some of them. That doesn't mean that the person I want for myself isn't out there.
I am still kind of crazy over... everything, right now. I'm on this weird roller coaster where one minute I'm great and happy and everything is shiny, and the next moment I'm sobbing over nothing. I know this is normal, what with my two monumental losses and everything else recently. It doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me less. I get a headache, or a friend gets a headache, and I get irrationally paranoid. That will pass. I have been very introspective lately, and much more defensive about life and what it holds for me. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe not. I don't know. But I hold on to the details that I can control, because there is so much spinning crazily out of control that sometimes I feel I can't hold on to it all. So I focus on the things that I *can* control so that I continue moving forward.
Things are slowly working out. I've told the boy-thing that went crazy in my life that he was the least of my problems, and that really, I wasn't falling for him and didn't need his crazy right now. Maybe that's mean, but it needed to be said and I was done with the crazy, in the face of everything else. He and I are ok, and we're really great friends, so that's better. I have a place to live in a week, and I can stay there as long or as short as I need to. I got approved for unemployment, and I have a possible in on a job. So yes, things are slowly working out, because I am making them do so.
So yes. I will find what I want out of life. I am optimistic like that. Not only am I optimistic, but I am driven, and strong willed, and when I want something, I will make it happen. I don't expect life to give me hand outs. If it happens, great. But mostly, I make my own way. And that is why I believe I will find what I want. I refuse to settle for anything less, and screw you for trying to bring it down. I'm dealing with enough shit already.