cat ❚ drabble 01
cat
drabble 01.
She remembers it.
She lives the moment over and over again, when she closes her eyes. She lives all of those moments every time she drifts to sleep, dreams nightmares about them. She knows what's going to happen and can't stop it. She wants to, she does, she can't stand them, can't stand feeling useless, but she can't help it, because it has already happened and she hates it, she hates herself for it. It's a lump in her throat when she wakes up crying and screaming and she thinks she's going insane, but she doesn't. She wishes she would, sometimes, maybe that'll make her forget everything, stop breathing. It hurts to breathe sometimes but nobody is around, she won't let it happen again, she promises it to herself as she buries her face in her hands, wets them with tears and agony.
So when she does wake up that night, she has to get out of bed. She's so terrified of falling asleep again, even if she is tired, too tired to understand how small she is in that moment, how fragile she is, heart made out of glass, of porcelain. She can't bring herself back to rest, back to the nightmares.
Her head spins and spins and she is so cold but all she can do is to slip inside the bathroom, locks the door and sits on the bathtub. The strip club is open, it is a Wednesday and it is late at night, many clients come and go. The music vibrates through the walls, but she can't hear it, even if everyone else can. Her knees, drawn up to the chest, serve as a rest for her forehead, her hands around it, fingers tangle in short black hair. She drowns the outside world, only hears the ache ripping through her soul. It hurts so much, she will never tell how much it hurts. And when she squints her eyes closed, she can her face. There was always a smile in her lips, even when Cat didn't offer an opening. There was always a laugh, even when Cat was sour and there was always a shining aura around her even when everything went wrong.
And then she died. Because of her, because of Cat. Because Mary wanted to make her suffer. Wanted to destroy her in the most agonizing manner possible and she had accomplished that.
It hurts so bad, to breathe, to live, and she's sobbing again. She doesn't say it, but she knows it's only human, she knows she's just a girl trying to be something else, trying to ignore that her death is coming soon, trying to ignore that one day she will perish because the Black Blood will eat her alive. She tries to stop thinking about it, uses the scalding water to submerge the cold and the anguish. But doesn't go away, it never will. It will torture her forever, mock her until she's on her knees asking for forgiveness, begging to forget, praying to make it stop, supplicating.
While the music mutes the sounds from the bathroom, Cat screams. Her fingers curl, clench around her wet hair and she screams all the pain away, screams in anger, screams in agony, screams because she doesn't know what else to do.
Because Carol is dead and it's all her fault.
❞