A few hours in library - an inner step towards clarity
"But it is the purpose of parents (who else?) to invest their lives into the lives of their children, to teach them to live, to learn to live with them, and again to teach - all that there is to be taught.
(This revelation came to me by realizing that if I have omitted my childhood, now - there will be no one to replace it for me. Only on my own can I try and simulate the relationships I crave - to find fathers in the authors and characters of books,... but to find mothers - where? - music, perhaps?)"
and some poetry in the text that i had to read made my day - because i need the help of poetry right now.
"you had better speak in riddles
for the agonies of dawn
are altogether too real
for the rainbow
in your mind"
and some more. A friend (who knows) said - it's OK to want more. so i will not be afraid to defend my need (for more).
***
and oh how desperately do i want to read the page 144 (something says that was the number of it..) of Wuthering Heights. Where Nelly lets Heathcliff know of Cathy's death, and he says what he does say there... the curse that he repeats until his tongue stiffens - may she not find peace in death, but may she wander the earth instead - to haunt him day and night, but only not leave him alone....
(This revelation came to me by realizing that if I have omitted my childhood, now - there will be no one to replace it for me. Only on my own can I try and simulate the relationships I crave - to find fathers in the authors and characters of books,... but to find mothers - where? - music, perhaps?)"
and some poetry in the text that i had to read made my day - because i need the help of poetry right now.
"you had better speak in riddles
for the agonies of dawn
are altogether too real
for the rainbow
in your mind"
and some more. A friend (who knows) said - it's OK to want more. so i will not be afraid to defend my need (for more).
***
and oh how desperately do i want to read the page 144 (something says that was the number of it..) of Wuthering Heights. Where Nelly lets Heathcliff know of Cathy's death, and he says what he does say there... the curse that he repeats until his tongue stiffens - may she not find peace in death, but may she wander the earth instead - to haunt him day and night, but only not leave him alone....