(no subject)
i've got this feeling, and its hard to put my finger on, but the closest thing that comes to mind to describe it would be longing. its an emptiness that needs to be filled, and boiling it all down means i need a long vacation from my current shit, to shrink the size of this vaccuum, and to satiate artistic needs. i've got a list of projects, dream projects, mod projects, perspective projects. i need someone to push me, and its the hardest thing. i am not motivated. i sit. i stand. i walk. i talk. i sleep. i eat. sometimes. school wasn't for me, i am not one to be taught, i am one to be trained, and my parents don't seem to get the way my mind works. they cannot comprehend my reasons for wanting to become a tattoo artist, and so they shun it. i'm not asking for them to embrace it, just to understand it. i've told them i'll work for a year and see where i am then. maybe then i'll go to school, but for now i'd like to work on my portfolio and keep talking with shops. i just need help. i need my parents to help me accomplish what they abhore, or i'm scared that this will all just fail. i need my money from them too, my vacation is to take the cheapest car i can find, and drive to british colombia and back. take a camera. take a sketch book. maybe take someone who understands why i need this trip. to be lonely with another. see weather, trees, the bumper of the car ahead of me for 50km, headlights going the other way, but none of them turn for you, they're all just focused thata way. its something to really set myself away from people, concentrate the beaker of thoughts, and bounce my mind off the windows to see what they think.
you understand? fuck yes's and no's
you understand? fuck yes's and no's