(no subject)
Oh dearest Livejournal... how I've failed to update you so.
The weather the past couple of days here has been absolutely amazing. They call it Pacific Northwest's finest weather because the wonderful sunshine features "natural air conditioning" --- meaning that in addition to the nice warm sunniness... there's a slight cool breeze so it's not unbearable and humid.
I think there's something wrong with me emotionally. I've been having these crazy mood swings (especially at home) lately. To remedy this condition, I've been meandering around Federal Way as well as Downtown Seattle and the International District by myself. I've also been spending some time with my grandma. We went to Nordstrom the other day to buy her a new watch. I also got a t-shirt (which was somewhat unintentional). I also finished my first book of the summer --- "The Accidental Asian" by Eric Liu... interesting read --- and definitely a piece I can relate to (since it concerns issues that might face second-generation Chinese Americans as well as Asian Americans as a whole). Although I'm techincally still considered first generation, I still feel like a second generation individual. I just started reading Madame Bovary. The translation is a little awkward (as one might expect from French to English) --- although the direct French version might be better... I don't think my level of comprehension is up to that level yet...
Back to my random bouts of depression. It's hard to tell if it's just me feeling sad due to various events --- my grandpa's death, unhappiness in everyone's life here... my aunt and uncle aren't doing well, Alex can be annoying sometimes, his mom's never-ending strain of stupidity, Ping Ping's spoiled behavior, Pei Pei's layoff from Safeco, Grandma's general sadness (although she doesn't show it).
And then there's my own personal conflicts --- I feel like I have an identity crisis... who am I? Am I Chinese? Am I American? I don't feel like I'm either... although I WANT to feel like I'm both. Am I more American than Chinese? Possibly --- but I will never be 100% American. I don't want to be that way either. I'm so confused.
I feel like my self-confidence is pretty low right now as well. When I see myself in the mirror, I don't see a 19 year old male. I feel like an adult... I've never had a "normal" childhood --- I was forced to grow up too fast. I look small, unattractive, and immature.
A mosaic of mass confusion... random thoughts lingering in my head... at least the nice weather temporarily soothes my heart (and my mind).
The weather the past couple of days here has been absolutely amazing. They call it Pacific Northwest's finest weather because the wonderful sunshine features "natural air conditioning" --- meaning that in addition to the nice warm sunniness... there's a slight cool breeze so it's not unbearable and humid.
I think there's something wrong with me emotionally. I've been having these crazy mood swings (especially at home) lately. To remedy this condition, I've been meandering around Federal Way as well as Downtown Seattle and the International District by myself. I've also been spending some time with my grandma. We went to Nordstrom the other day to buy her a new watch. I also got a t-shirt (which was somewhat unintentional). I also finished my first book of the summer --- "The Accidental Asian" by Eric Liu... interesting read --- and definitely a piece I can relate to (since it concerns issues that might face second-generation Chinese Americans as well as Asian Americans as a whole). Although I'm techincally still considered first generation, I still feel like a second generation individual. I just started reading Madame Bovary. The translation is a little awkward (as one might expect from French to English) --- although the direct French version might be better... I don't think my level of comprehension is up to that level yet...
Back to my random bouts of depression. It's hard to tell if it's just me feeling sad due to various events --- my grandpa's death, unhappiness in everyone's life here... my aunt and uncle aren't doing well, Alex can be annoying sometimes, his mom's never-ending strain of stupidity, Ping Ping's spoiled behavior, Pei Pei's layoff from Safeco, Grandma's general sadness (although she doesn't show it).
And then there's my own personal conflicts --- I feel like I have an identity crisis... who am I? Am I Chinese? Am I American? I don't feel like I'm either... although I WANT to feel like I'm both. Am I more American than Chinese? Possibly --- but I will never be 100% American. I don't want to be that way either. I'm so confused.
I feel like my self-confidence is pretty low right now as well. When I see myself in the mirror, I don't see a 19 year old male. I feel like an adult... I've never had a "normal" childhood --- I was forced to grow up too fast. I look small, unattractive, and immature.
A mosaic of mass confusion... random thoughts lingering in my head... at least the nice weather temporarily soothes my heart (and my mind).