(no subject)
I binged. I've gained a pound from it. I made myself weigh in as punishment, and furthering that punishment... trying again with not eating a single freaking thing today. I really just want to see the 94s. And now I'm in the lower 96s again, and it blows.
Yesterday... ran into Emily after my classes. We talked, exchanged emails. She's scarier than the people at XA. I know her major is Christian Counseling or something like that, but damn! I don't know, maybe right now I'm just completely god-sucks, but I really really wanted to tell her to fuck off. I didn't, though. I mean, telling me that God can cure my problems, that I don't really have problems, I just have false gods ..... Yeah. I wanted to maim her. But I didn't. We parted on friendly ways. I'll just distract her, is all. Any time she brings up her faith, I'll toss something her way to change the conversation. But, I swear, if she jumps my ass again, she'll pay.
Yesterday...asked CLS if he was seeing anyone. Yep. He is. But it sounds like a rocky relationship, and after asking I felt like a schmuck for even asking, but ideally .... ideally... I'm still attracted to him. I never really lose my crushes, how I feel. Still... zero-attract-o. Plus, being borderline and constantly changing, I doubt he'd want to deal with me.
Yesterday...one of my aunts called soon after my grandpa called (I directed him towards my dad's cell and my mom's cell; he'd called twice, and I had mercy on him the second time and answered the phone), and she made it sound like something is wrong with my dad's mom. I just ... If something's wrong.... And for all I know, maybe something minor happened. I mean, my aunt's a nurse, and surely she'd have actually said something on the voicemail message, right? Grr.
This house is too big. Too quiet. Ironically, I don't have my hearing-aides in, but whatever. I'm really scared about today. I don't want to mess up fasting. I just ... I need to reach 90, and I'll maintain. Six to go.
(Special thanks to CDM for letting me talk to him, lol.)
Yesterday... ran into Emily after my classes. We talked, exchanged emails. She's scarier than the people at XA. I know her major is Christian Counseling or something like that, but damn! I don't know, maybe right now I'm just completely god-sucks, but I really really wanted to tell her to fuck off. I didn't, though. I mean, telling me that God can cure my problems, that I don't really have problems, I just have false gods ..... Yeah. I wanted to maim her. But I didn't. We parted on friendly ways. I'll just distract her, is all. Any time she brings up her faith, I'll toss something her way to change the conversation. But, I swear, if she jumps my ass again, she'll pay.
Yesterday...asked CLS if he was seeing anyone. Yep. He is. But it sounds like a rocky relationship, and after asking I felt like a schmuck for even asking, but ideally .... ideally... I'm still attracted to him. I never really lose my crushes, how I feel. Still... zero-attract-o. Plus, being borderline and constantly changing, I doubt he'd want to deal with me.
Yesterday...one of my aunts called soon after my grandpa called (I directed him towards my dad's cell and my mom's cell; he'd called twice, and I had mercy on him the second time and answered the phone), and she made it sound like something is wrong with my dad's mom. I just ... If something's wrong.... And for all I know, maybe something minor happened. I mean, my aunt's a nurse, and surely she'd have actually said something on the voicemail message, right? Grr.
This house is too big. Too quiet. Ironically, I don't have my hearing-aides in, but whatever. I'm really scared about today. I don't want to mess up fasting. I just ... I need to reach 90, and I'll maintain. Six to go.
(Special thanks to CDM for letting me talk to him, lol.)