(no subject)
so tonight is friday.
happy friday lj.
my phone is on low battery and its only about 6:30ish ish, or a little bit earlier than that.
ughh.
what am i going to do?!
im totally bored.
there is nothing to really do.
i think that we are going out to some party, we shall see what this night brings me.
we shall see what the stars have in store for me.
aghh....sigh* i just wanna go out with my gfs and dance the night away, and maybe have some drinks in between there. im not going out tomorrow, so im gonna wanna live it up tonight. :]
i got paid today..woot woot, and i bought the things that i needed such as my body sprays and lotions and stuff and deodorant so i can smell nice and pretty. you know just the typical things that every girl needs to be a girl :]
no idea what im going to wear tonight, i know its lame to talk about and has no meaning what so ever but at this point im just typing all of the things that come to my mind and i dont care if they are stupid. the clouds are pink outside and i just saw a little birdy pass by. it was pretty, and made me feel good in a sense. like this feeling that everything is going to be ok. i kinda feel weird bc things are going well and it scares me bc at any moment they can just go bad and horrible and then i might end up even further from where i started. i dont want to be in that place where i was and i think ive said this already many of times. im moving forward, im trying to find my way. i think if something bad does happen on this bumpy road i just need to learn how to deal with it and not get all crazy and paranoid and think my life is over and everything is over. i tend to do that sometimes, and i just really need to fucking relax. relax ashlee. work, get your school done, and everything is gonna be ok. i want to cry bc im so glad that i am progressing. of course i have my little alcohol slips here and there, but lately ive been ok without it. i even went to a club last night sober and i was ok with it. i turned down a bottle of liquor and didnt feel bad or the need to drink it. im finding my way, and its just gonna take me some time, bc i know alcohol is one of my weaknesses. im really trying though. i dont black out anymore. i remember everything. im not saying im some fucking saint now, but im progressing. i really am. i know i just cant drink when i have shit on my mind, thats all. and i know i just need to know when to stop myself sometimes and just drink some hawaiian punch :] im totally cool now with going to parties with juice and candy..haha. really weird transition for me. im use to being a fiend for alcohol.
i had this weird feeling today that nothing was wrong and everything is right where it should be.
i felt happy but then scared as fuck after, as if in some split second something bad would happen to me.
life is what you make of it.
and i want to be successful.
i will be.
happy friday lj.
my phone is on low battery and its only about 6:30ish ish, or a little bit earlier than that.
ughh.
what am i going to do?!
im totally bored.
there is nothing to really do.
i think that we are going out to some party, we shall see what this night brings me.
we shall see what the stars have in store for me.
aghh....sigh* i just wanna go out with my gfs and dance the night away, and maybe have some drinks in between there. im not going out tomorrow, so im gonna wanna live it up tonight. :]
i got paid today..woot woot, and i bought the things that i needed such as my body sprays and lotions and stuff and deodorant so i can smell nice and pretty. you know just the typical things that every girl needs to be a girl :]
no idea what im going to wear tonight, i know its lame to talk about and has no meaning what so ever but at this point im just typing all of the things that come to my mind and i dont care if they are stupid. the clouds are pink outside and i just saw a little birdy pass by. it was pretty, and made me feel good in a sense. like this feeling that everything is going to be ok. i kinda feel weird bc things are going well and it scares me bc at any moment they can just go bad and horrible and then i might end up even further from where i started. i dont want to be in that place where i was and i think ive said this already many of times. im moving forward, im trying to find my way. i think if something bad does happen on this bumpy road i just need to learn how to deal with it and not get all crazy and paranoid and think my life is over and everything is over. i tend to do that sometimes, and i just really need to fucking relax. relax ashlee. work, get your school done, and everything is gonna be ok. i want to cry bc im so glad that i am progressing. of course i have my little alcohol slips here and there, but lately ive been ok without it. i even went to a club last night sober and i was ok with it. i turned down a bottle of liquor and didnt feel bad or the need to drink it. im finding my way, and its just gonna take me some time, bc i know alcohol is one of my weaknesses. im really trying though. i dont black out anymore. i remember everything. im not saying im some fucking saint now, but im progressing. i really am. i know i just cant drink when i have shit on my mind, thats all. and i know i just need to know when to stop myself sometimes and just drink some hawaiian punch :] im totally cool now with going to parties with juice and candy..haha. really weird transition for me. im use to being a fiend for alcohol.
i had this weird feeling today that nothing was wrong and everything is right where it should be.
i felt happy but then scared as fuck after, as if in some split second something bad would happen to me.
life is what you make of it.
and i want to be successful.
i will be.