You're a bitch, but who isn't these days?
I've been thinking a lot about letting go of anger. Which, FYI, is really super freaking difficult for me. I mean, most of the time the rage is what fuels me. Seriously, you may think I'm joking, but I'm not. Without being honest about how crappy things/people are I can't really be honest about the things and people that are wonderful. It's probably a little unfortunate, but that's just how I logically operate. And I can't really let go of that in the grander scheme of things - there are people in this world who don't really deserve to be let off the hook. But that's waxing philosphical; on a personal level, it's just too much damn work. I mean, let's be real, the only way to really show you dislike someone is one-ups-man-ship, and you really can't keep that up forever. I just don't have that kind of spare time and energy - I've got crap to do! And either that person has taken up the same philosophy, and you're fighting a losing battle, or they will continue to waste their time, constantly going up hill. Whatever the case may be, you'll always end up at a draw, so why not just move on? Focus on what really needs to get done! Sometimes, many times, I find myself consciously having to rimind myself of that, but it's really working. I can't say I'm one to really promote "forgive and forget" - my memory being as much a burden as it is benefit - but it does get easier to just think about other things. I'm sure a lot of people have already figured this out, being the extremely simplistic concept that it is, but for those who view it as work (and I do know I'm not alone in that), I can attest to the pay off. In a word, I'm happier. Plain and simple, just happier. I feel better, somehow more confident, and energetic about moving forward. I don't have to dread going to work or going out, just because someone I don't get along with will be there. While I've always maintained the idea of being civil, truthfully that doesn't factor in the mentality and emotion of the situation. Beyond being mannerly, not thinking about how much a person may have hurt or offended me really carries me the rest of the way. Being civil isn't an effort and a waste of time; I wil be polite because that's who I am, but ultimately, I just don't care any more! Even if that other person is totally in the wrong, well, so what?? It's not like they'll ever admit it, so why fight it?! Now, I'm not saying go and make up, become BFFs "4 eva" - if you want to talk, then talk, if you want to hang out, then hang out, but all I'm really saying is there doesn't need to be a wall. For myself, I don't really have a plan beyond being mannerly, no additional effort that is, but I think the emotional steps I've taken (am taking) will make all the diference for me. Some people can be real cuntfaces, but it only hurts myself to constantly remember that.