Nt trying to sound emo it just comes so naturally
I feel as if everything i was ever told about love was a lie...
It is a weird and very complicated situation I am undergoing. Sort of my mind playing tricks on me. I'm starting to feel crazy. I shouldn't let myself get the better of me. Because I know I am being paranoid. The only similar feeling I have had to this is nowhere near as painful.
The example; My jealousy when Karla got close with a girl whom I particularly did not like. And well to be honest I knew that her loyalty to me hadn't changed and she was my best friend but the thought of her getting close to the one girl I had good reason to dislike or even possibly the thought that this girl was trying to steal my best friend ate at me.
Right now I am facing similar situation and like that situation no one is trying to steal anyone from anyone. Things happen for a reason and I guess it just made me realize I am a possessive person. I guess it is because I am never number one or someone's favorite. And I feel like when I hear that the person is just trying to console me. I know I am well liked but is that for entertainment purposes or truth? A genuine want to take care of me and to be my friend or possibly nothing more than just you seeking a time killer?
I just get so lonely sometimes and I honestly don't know how to cope. I have sister I never see, a mom that despises me, a brother that doesn't understand me and a father that in ways isn't so fatherly. I come from a broken home yet everyone is still technically there.
My friends I rarely see, my work sucks, I have to find another job, I don't know what I am going to do with my life and in school things have always been shitty. I'm trying to move up at least from where I am now but it is so hard when the world and my worst enemy (me) are kicking me in the ass everytime I try and get up.
This time that I have taken being single and figuring out just what I like what I don't has seemed to have turned into well...almost something unuseful because I have gotten back to the same cycles and I can't help but move fast when I tell myself to stop it doesn't work.
I'm turning into a mad woman and well all I need is what? Love? It scares me just how much I feel that that is the answer to all lifes problems and yet I still seem to not quite get it.
In this world it seems that if you are too good it is a bad thing and you suffer in the end. People have told me to be selfish and to not be so nice but I cannot help knowing that i want to give my all and I don't know.
As good of a heart as I do have, as much good as I do deserve...It seems that karma isn't quite on my side.
...I just feel so unbelieveably over taken by the negativity.
It is a weird and very complicated situation I am undergoing. Sort of my mind playing tricks on me. I'm starting to feel crazy. I shouldn't let myself get the better of me. Because I know I am being paranoid. The only similar feeling I have had to this is nowhere near as painful.
The example; My jealousy when Karla got close with a girl whom I particularly did not like. And well to be honest I knew that her loyalty to me hadn't changed and she was my best friend but the thought of her getting close to the one girl I had good reason to dislike or even possibly the thought that this girl was trying to steal my best friend ate at me.
Right now I am facing similar situation and like that situation no one is trying to steal anyone from anyone. Things happen for a reason and I guess it just made me realize I am a possessive person. I guess it is because I am never number one or someone's favorite. And I feel like when I hear that the person is just trying to console me. I know I am well liked but is that for entertainment purposes or truth? A genuine want to take care of me and to be my friend or possibly nothing more than just you seeking a time killer?
I just get so lonely sometimes and I honestly don't know how to cope. I have sister I never see, a mom that despises me, a brother that doesn't understand me and a father that in ways isn't so fatherly. I come from a broken home yet everyone is still technically there.
My friends I rarely see, my work sucks, I have to find another job, I don't know what I am going to do with my life and in school things have always been shitty. I'm trying to move up at least from where I am now but it is so hard when the world and my worst enemy (me) are kicking me in the ass everytime I try and get up.
This time that I have taken being single and figuring out just what I like what I don't has seemed to have turned into well...almost something unuseful because I have gotten back to the same cycles and I can't help but move fast when I tell myself to stop it doesn't work.
I'm turning into a mad woman and well all I need is what? Love? It scares me just how much I feel that that is the answer to all lifes problems and yet I still seem to not quite get it.
In this world it seems that if you are too good it is a bad thing and you suffer in the end. People have told me to be selfish and to not be so nice but I cannot help knowing that i want to give my all and I don't know.
As good of a heart as I do have, as much good as I do deserve...It seems that karma isn't quite on my side.
...I just feel so unbelieveably over taken by the negativity.