(no subject)
i hold my breath across bridges, if i can. cars always surpass me on all sides at constant, impossibly reckless speeds; as if they were all connected by invisible strings to the same wild-eyed harried monster. when it is windy, the waves often wash up into the outermost lanes on one side, while the other division of the lake remains placid. i would imagine myself as an incorrigible acrobat, tentatively creeping my way along the limboland between these two worlds. on rare days the water extends its heavy embrace terribly, all the way to the painted white lines. i try not to imagine the stinging creep of liquid up my nostrils, or vehicles being tossed into watery inescapable prisons like toys. please, not like this. oh please, don't let it end like this. i murmer small prayers to the streetlamps, the cruel scrapes etched into the median barrier, the wending curve of the concrete.
i am waiting for the day that i am no longer afraid of tangible and metaphorical bridges. i often feel as if my life is composed of a trillion microscopic pieces, and that every decision to stay or go or do or don't or will or won't is profoundly and immensely important - that every small conclusion will complement and conflict with all of the others to determine what the completed puzzle will depict. all of these tiny components seem seperate, like splitting a movie into miles and miles of individual snapshots. so many photographs, enough to fill an unfathomable sea or room stretching out to eternity.
there will be a day when i can cross the construction between one place and another unwaveringly. more importantly, i will be able to navigate the almost imperceptible progression of milliseconds from one era to another with fingernails intact &fingers uncrossed. time is the longest distance between two places. soon the process of 'becoming' will seem familiar, revealing amber-colored corners and soft light to illuminate the path. my life, which is composed of so many small and potentially shattering decisions will eventually seem habitual, if not easy. never easy.
i'm waiting.
--end--
i am waiting for the day that i am no longer afraid of tangible and metaphorical bridges. i often feel as if my life is composed of a trillion microscopic pieces, and that every decision to stay or go or do or don't or will or won't is profoundly and immensely important - that every small conclusion will complement and conflict with all of the others to determine what the completed puzzle will depict. all of these tiny components seem seperate, like splitting a movie into miles and miles of individual snapshots. so many photographs, enough to fill an unfathomable sea or room stretching out to eternity.
there will be a day when i can cross the construction between one place and another unwaveringly. more importantly, i will be able to navigate the almost imperceptible progression of milliseconds from one era to another with fingernails intact &fingers uncrossed. time is the longest distance between two places. soon the process of 'becoming' will seem familiar, revealing amber-colored corners and soft light to illuminate the path. my life, which is composed of so many small and potentially shattering decisions will eventually seem habitual, if not easy. never easy.
i'm waiting.
--end--