[reaction]callmelegionAugust 30 2009, 16:26:46 UTC
[ Nagato has not been watching the dreams as often lately. He has not wanted to see, so he has turned away. He has been preoccupied. And he has never known this man, Hakkai, as well as he has known certain others.
Yet this dream strikes a personal chord -- a chord that cannot help but be struck.
Is this himself?
Because he and Konan were alone. They were all they had in one another's worlds. And then they came to Konoha. Befriended Konoha. Before that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Naruto, and there have been many others, and Nagato wonders: am I abandoning her? Neglecting her? Violating our union?
But they are still together, and Konan shares these people, and yet.
And yet they are no longer alone. No longer so singularly intimate.
There are times when, to Nagato, it still feels as if he is betraying something. Betraying his memories, and his experiences. Betraying the simple fact that there was a time when everything they shared, their innermost secrets, they shared only with one another. And there are moments when he still hates sharing her.
She is the one person he cannot stand to see touched (though he endures it, because it is only fair) by others -- even now. It is different with Naruto, with Madara. He enjoys them, but he knows they could be with others, with one another, and it would not trouble him in the least.
Konan is different.
Since the day she saved him from the edge of death, she has been his, and he has been hers. The loving presence by his side, always.
Yet he remembers Madara's dream, and what he realized from it.
And sometimes he imagines her as the woman in this dream. Kanan. Konan.
Their names even sound alike.
And if she is not that woman, then why is she not, because does he not deserve such reproach? For ruining their solitude, and their misfortune, by simply . . . moving on with wine, and feasting, and abundant physicalities?
Is he not committing the very sin he has taken great pains to warn others of?
Yet this dream strikes a personal chord -- a chord that cannot help but be struck.
Is this himself?
Because he and Konan were alone. They were all they had in one another's worlds. And then they came to Konoha. Befriended Konoha. Before that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Naruto, and there have been many others, and Nagato wonders: am I abandoning her? Neglecting her? Violating our union?
But they are still together, and Konan shares these people, and yet.
And yet they are no longer alone. No longer so singularly intimate.
There are times when, to Nagato, it still feels as if he is betraying something. Betraying his memories, and his experiences. Betraying the simple fact that there was a time when everything they shared, their innermost secrets, they shared only with one another. And there are moments when he still hates sharing her.
She is the one person he cannot stand to see touched (though he endures it, because it is only fair) by others -- even now. It is different with Naruto, with Madara. He enjoys them, but he knows they could be with others, with one another, and it would not trouble him in the least.
Konan is different.
Since the day she saved him from the edge of death, she has been his, and he has been hers. The loving presence by his side, always.
Yet he remembers Madara's dream, and what he realized from it.
And sometimes he imagines her as the woman in this dream. Kanan. Konan.
Their names even sound alike.
And if she is not that woman, then why is she not, because does he not deserve such reproach? For ruining their solitude, and their misfortune, by simply . . . moving on with wine, and feasting, and abundant physicalities?
Is he not committing the very sin he has taken great pains to warn others of?
He is.
Something must change. Somehow. ]
Reply
Leave a comment