(no subject)
The letter from Mary Desler hasn't arrived. It will signal the officiality of me leaving. I am worried it won't show up before I do leave. I am also worried that all my friends resent me for leaving. Zach keeps walking past my door without looking at me. What the hell is up with that?
I wish I could stay without classes. That is not possible though. Even if I were to stay without classes, everyone else would still have them. I would still be stuck alone in my room, wasting my life away. I am so fucking lonely. I am sick of it. Forgive the lameness and plagiarism but I just want to be held by someone I love. Someone who loves me. Perhaps it is just this reason that I need to get away. I'll just keep on loving anyone who gets close in hopes that my wish is fulfilled. I need to learn how to be ok without this. To be happy on my own. Friends should be there to make me happier, not happy. And a lover should be there to complete what's already there, not build something entirely new. That is what I believe. I am unsure of whether going home will help with this, but I know staying here will only continue in the way it has.
Although I like some people in slivka, I think overall slivkans bother me. They're whiny, immature, and NOT funny. I can't stand people that aren't funny. Laughter seems to be my way of judging everything. If people aren't laughing at me then I am worthless. If I don't laugh at someone else they are. I don't laugh at the general slivkan population's jokes. They suck. A lot.
I wish I could stay without classes. That is not possible though. Even if I were to stay without classes, everyone else would still have them. I would still be stuck alone in my room, wasting my life away. I am so fucking lonely. I am sick of it. Forgive the lameness and plagiarism but I just want to be held by someone I love. Someone who loves me. Perhaps it is just this reason that I need to get away. I'll just keep on loving anyone who gets close in hopes that my wish is fulfilled. I need to learn how to be ok without this. To be happy on my own. Friends should be there to make me happier, not happy. And a lover should be there to complete what's already there, not build something entirely new. That is what I believe. I am unsure of whether going home will help with this, but I know staying here will only continue in the way it has.
Although I like some people in slivka, I think overall slivkans bother me. They're whiny, immature, and NOT funny. I can't stand people that aren't funny. Laughter seems to be my way of judging everything. If people aren't laughing at me then I am worthless. If I don't laugh at someone else they are. I don't laugh at the general slivkan population's jokes. They suck. A lot.