birds are flying sideways, and other joys of seattle living
the only other thing i can say about the weather is i've been enjoying the hell out of it. crunching in the snow, slipping on the ice (and consequently doing constant walking meditation while trying to get anywhere), walking as it snows, being semi-trapped at home, wearing a zillion layers, everything slowing way the motherfuck down. its been brilliant for me.
i also realize that it has been a sort of hell for many people, including anyone who owns a car (since a great majority of them have been hitting one another often for many days now), people who have to get to work in it (i only had to endure two days of work commute before my blessed vacation began) everyone who does not have a place to live, anyone without enough money for heating and or food, and many others to whom this weather has been a great inconvenience or physically dangerous.
for the record, i'm one of the people lucky enough to be enjoying the hell out of this.
its been a damn long time since i've written a public entry here, and i keep trying but then they all end up private. i'm gonna give it a go here. we'll see how i do.
friends. friends are a complicated business. i have no beef with anyone at the moment. many of the people i love dearly have beef with each other. much of it is real beef, a lot of it is beefshit. i'm trying to stay out of it. i love you all. most of you don't read this anyway.
much of my non-beef having lifestyle is due to my chosen method of...celibacy! well not quite, but no dating for this one. trying to keep everything on the easy. managed to score myself a friends with benefits deal to end a long bout of said celibacy just recently, and that has its own stuff, but no drama. both committed to no drama. which makes for almost no drama amazingly enough. funny how that works out.
but ya know, at some point i would like real dating to commence. except i have no balls. and i'm terrified of all the drama i see happening around me constantly. and i absolutely don't want to fall back into any of my old patterns of dating and how i used to do it. not that i ever did it very much anyway, but damn i gotta change the way i do shit. except i'm not quite sure how to accomplish that. and how the hell can you know if you are doing it differently if you are not doing it? but then how do you do it without fucking it up or creating drama? yeah, gotta get dirty. not really ready to do that yet. so. at the moment. friend with benefits. watch all my friends go crazy with the love/lust/date/hate/screw/fuckover/googly eye/romantic dates/set stuff on fire/screaming in the streets/fucking in a bar shenanigans. just don't seem to have the mental energy to deal with all that. been running in the other direction actually. i would like to reverse this process at some point, but i'm not even sure how to begin.
maybe i'll begin with the girl i met a few times two years ago who broke up with her partner recently and asked a mutual friend for my number. i guess if i made that much of an impression i should at least give a call. so maybe that can be something good? we'll see how it goes. crazy how these things come to us.
still at the same job. workin my ass off. company is being squeezed like everywhere else, but we are doing everything we can to survive and i have a lot of faith in my boss. we'll see how it goes. crossin all the fingers and toes and working my ass off. i believe thats all i can do. and now i'm thoroughly enjoying my two week vacation so i can go back refreshed and ready to deal with all the upcoming challenges of change that are coming to my company. gonna have to bend like a crazy piece of bamboo in the coming months. but i love my job. and i'm grateful to have one. and grateful for the opportunity to practice compromise in a situation where all that really matters is the bottom line - my continued employment. gonna work on remembering that at all costs at all times in all moods against all challenges.
roommate. i have a roommate. its a unique situation. not dating, known each other for many years, things come relatively easy to us. like food sharing and space sharing. sometimes things take a bit to talk out, but they get talked out eventually. and everything is okay. and we want to be living together. i get to learn things like how to properly do dishes, and incorporate small cleaning projects in my day so i'm not living like a slob, and make small grazing meals, and use everything in my cupboards, and decorate a house, mostly by just watching her. and she gets to laugh at my endless stupidity regarding all these matters. ya know, its working out. and then we go dancing. which i'm doing a lot less of in general because it seems so much harder to get out of my house now. and cause i actually want to be here, and some nights i would really rather do a project in my house, or make myself some experimental food, or hang out with my roommate and read, or a zillion other things that having a roommate and a house facilitates. so less dancing. which is okay. and the craziest thing about it, i'm eating mostly vegetarian. just cause we buy food together and we don't really buy meat and its certainly not all the time, but, there are actually many days in a row that i don't eat any
meat at all. fuckin hilarious really. who wudda thunk it?
i think that might be enough for now. contact me if you want more. i don't even know who reads this thing anymore. maybe this is mostly for a future me, and random people who look me upon this thing. look, i'm writing to imaginary people and the future. that probably says more than this entire entry.
i also realize that it has been a sort of hell for many people, including anyone who owns a car (since a great majority of them have been hitting one another often for many days now), people who have to get to work in it (i only had to endure two days of work commute before my blessed vacation began) everyone who does not have a place to live, anyone without enough money for heating and or food, and many others to whom this weather has been a great inconvenience or physically dangerous.
for the record, i'm one of the people lucky enough to be enjoying the hell out of this.
its been a damn long time since i've written a public entry here, and i keep trying but then they all end up private. i'm gonna give it a go here. we'll see how i do.
friends. friends are a complicated business. i have no beef with anyone at the moment. many of the people i love dearly have beef with each other. much of it is real beef, a lot of it is beefshit. i'm trying to stay out of it. i love you all. most of you don't read this anyway.
much of my non-beef having lifestyle is due to my chosen method of...celibacy! well not quite, but no dating for this one. trying to keep everything on the easy. managed to score myself a friends with benefits deal to end a long bout of said celibacy just recently, and that has its own stuff, but no drama. both committed to no drama. which makes for almost no drama amazingly enough. funny how that works out.
but ya know, at some point i would like real dating to commence. except i have no balls. and i'm terrified of all the drama i see happening around me constantly. and i absolutely don't want to fall back into any of my old patterns of dating and how i used to do it. not that i ever did it very much anyway, but damn i gotta change the way i do shit. except i'm not quite sure how to accomplish that. and how the hell can you know if you are doing it differently if you are not doing it? but then how do you do it without fucking it up or creating drama? yeah, gotta get dirty. not really ready to do that yet. so. at the moment. friend with benefits. watch all my friends go crazy with the love/lust/date/hate/screw/fuckover/googly eye/romantic dates/set stuff on fire/screaming in the streets/fucking in a bar shenanigans. just don't seem to have the mental energy to deal with all that. been running in the other direction actually. i would like to reverse this process at some point, but i'm not even sure how to begin.
maybe i'll begin with the girl i met a few times two years ago who broke up with her partner recently and asked a mutual friend for my number. i guess if i made that much of an impression i should at least give a call. so maybe that can be something good? we'll see how it goes. crazy how these things come to us.
still at the same job. workin my ass off. company is being squeezed like everywhere else, but we are doing everything we can to survive and i have a lot of faith in my boss. we'll see how it goes. crossin all the fingers and toes and working my ass off. i believe thats all i can do. and now i'm thoroughly enjoying my two week vacation so i can go back refreshed and ready to deal with all the upcoming challenges of change that are coming to my company. gonna have to bend like a crazy piece of bamboo in the coming months. but i love my job. and i'm grateful to have one. and grateful for the opportunity to practice compromise in a situation where all that really matters is the bottom line - my continued employment. gonna work on remembering that at all costs at all times in all moods against all challenges.
roommate. i have a roommate. its a unique situation. not dating, known each other for many years, things come relatively easy to us. like food sharing and space sharing. sometimes things take a bit to talk out, but they get talked out eventually. and everything is okay. and we want to be living together. i get to learn things like how to properly do dishes, and incorporate small cleaning projects in my day so i'm not living like a slob, and make small grazing meals, and use everything in my cupboards, and decorate a house, mostly by just watching her. and she gets to laugh at my endless stupidity regarding all these matters. ya know, its working out. and then we go dancing. which i'm doing a lot less of in general because it seems so much harder to get out of my house now. and cause i actually want to be here, and some nights i would really rather do a project in my house, or make myself some experimental food, or hang out with my roommate and read, or a zillion other things that having a roommate and a house facilitates. so less dancing. which is okay. and the craziest thing about it, i'm eating mostly vegetarian. just cause we buy food together and we don't really buy meat and its certainly not all the time, but, there are actually many days in a row that i don't eat any
meat at all. fuckin hilarious really. who wudda thunk it?
i think that might be enough for now. contact me if you want more. i don't even know who reads this thing anymore. maybe this is mostly for a future me, and random people who look me upon this thing. look, i'm writing to imaginary people and the future. that probably says more than this entire entry.