confusion and shit
it confuses me when people just change randomly. it makes me just step back and go wtf??? some people have always been so mature and calm and awesome and then they just snap and go all childish and crazy. it's soo weird. this has happened to me a couple times in my life and i just don't get it. i think it baffles me so much because the change happens to people who are never like what they turn into. it's like a total flip in personality. so crazy.
in another area of my life, i'm ready to leave for college, but not really. i'm ready to start school again and meet new people and have some freedom, but i don't know. i have stumbled on someone who really makes me happy and i don't want to leave him behind. everytime we're together, it feels right. i'm sure i sound dumb and whatever, but really that's how i feel. never before has one person been able to make me feel this way. never. i hope that i don't lose this feeling, and if i do, i hope it's not a feeling that i can only have with this one person. thinking about what it's going to be like to be by myself in this new place is so exciting, but not. i am excited to move into a new environment. go with no baggage, no drama, no preconceived notions. that rocks, but i know it's going to be hard for me not to feel guilty. i'm leaving this person behind and i don't want to hold him back. i don't want to be selfish or that girl that his friends talk about and how horrible she is. i don't want to be that girl, i hope i'm not that girl. let's just summarize that i'm twisted in knots hoping that i made the right decision. is it selfish of me to want to stay in a relationship with him, eventhough i'm in kentucky? am i holding him back? am i holding myself back? what's the right thing to do? timing sucks.
ok, i think that's all i can express right now.