(no subject)
i got my hair straightened... it was weird
hung out with diana and anna last night. fun times! i danced.... and hopefully not too poorly. saw greg again and got a picture with him again. he seems never to be interested much in talking to me.
oh well.
i want to start a band again. this situation i am has been great for inspiration (lol, of course) ... but i dont know anybody who has much musical talent
so now i need to search
T got a cell phone today. another thing to add to my uneasiness.
and we did something last night, that we havent done for over a month... and now im not quite sure where we stand although it eased a lot of stress (haha! in more ways than one) ... but we're still not together. i sleep in the same bed with the kid, we kiss good night, he walks me out to my car when i leave and gives me a kiss goodbye, he tells me he loves me every day... yet we are not together.
bullshit i think
so, now im looking to find someone to fill the time i guess. i dont want anyone but terrence to tell the truth, but i need someone to take the edge off.... to get my mind off of this situation before i go fucking nuts and go back to being my old, depressed, cutting self
i dont want to go back to that... but it seems this thing is getting to me. so, i might find someone to fill the time until T makes up his mind on what he wants to do
i dont do it in spite, i do it to ease the pain so it doesnt feel like a knife is being twisted in my chest every goddamn day. so i wont feel so lonely when he leaves and im left at home to THINK about EVERY SINGLE THING that's been going on.
i cant be alone. i cant sleep too well. every time i lay down i just think, and i start tossing and turning and wanting to punch myself or cause some kind of physical pain to myself to get my mind off the emotional stuff.
hope i dont need counseling again.
hung out with diana and anna last night. fun times! i danced.... and hopefully not too poorly. saw greg again and got a picture with him again. he seems never to be interested much in talking to me.
oh well.
i want to start a band again. this situation i am has been great for inspiration (lol, of course) ... but i dont know anybody who has much musical talent
so now i need to search
T got a cell phone today. another thing to add to my uneasiness.
and we did something last night, that we havent done for over a month... and now im not quite sure where we stand although it eased a lot of stress (haha! in more ways than one) ... but we're still not together. i sleep in the same bed with the kid, we kiss good night, he walks me out to my car when i leave and gives me a kiss goodbye, he tells me he loves me every day... yet we are not together.
bullshit i think
so, now im looking to find someone to fill the time i guess. i dont want anyone but terrence to tell the truth, but i need someone to take the edge off.... to get my mind off of this situation before i go fucking nuts and go back to being my old, depressed, cutting self
i dont want to go back to that... but it seems this thing is getting to me. so, i might find someone to fill the time until T makes up his mind on what he wants to do
i dont do it in spite, i do it to ease the pain so it doesnt feel like a knife is being twisted in my chest every goddamn day. so i wont feel so lonely when he leaves and im left at home to THINK about EVERY SINGLE THING that's been going on.
i cant be alone. i cant sleep too well. every time i lay down i just think, and i start tossing and turning and wanting to punch myself or cause some kind of physical pain to myself to get my mind off the emotional stuff.
hope i dont need counseling again.