(no subject)
i have a really hard time expressing what i feel and think, i wish i could be a beautiful writer, but im not. i find the only i can show my feelings in a beautiful way is through dance. and lately i havent been dancing and i feel deprived and bottled up.
last night i went to a concert with monica and austin. it was at the modified and it was soooo damn hot and humid but the music was so good you didnt want to leave, there where a ton of people there and a lot of pretty girls that were so much better than i was, i want to be pretty i want someone to look at me the way i look at them, i hate myself lately. i hate the way i can't just be happy with myself,i hate that i want to be someone else. lately im not sure how to feel, i think i think to much,i think i shouldnt look in the mirror so much because i start critiquing myself. another thing that sucks was that a friend stood me up the other day, that made me sad because i have never met this person but we have talked on the internet for a little over a year and i was so excited to actually meet him, but he never called so i called him and left a message... he still hasnt called, and if he is reading this i hope he feels really fucking bad. but that made todd happy he didnt like the thought of me meeting a guy he didnt know, that aggravated me but also made me happy that he cared so much. it weird i kinda like it when todd gets jealous over silly things, however he hates it when i get jealous over that stuff. last night we were laying in bed cuddling, just staring into each others eyes, i had little butterflies in my belly and it became hard to swallow, i havent had that feeling in a while.
last night i went to a concert with monica and austin. it was at the modified and it was soooo damn hot and humid but the music was so good you didnt want to leave, there where a ton of people there and a lot of pretty girls that were so much better than i was, i want to be pretty i want someone to look at me the way i look at them, i hate myself lately. i hate the way i can't just be happy with myself,i hate that i want to be someone else. lately im not sure how to feel, i think i think to much,i think i shouldnt look in the mirror so much because i start critiquing myself. another thing that sucks was that a friend stood me up the other day, that made me sad because i have never met this person but we have talked on the internet for a little over a year and i was so excited to actually meet him, but he never called so i called him and left a message... he still hasnt called, and if he is reading this i hope he feels really fucking bad. but that made todd happy he didnt like the thought of me meeting a guy he didnt know, that aggravated me but also made me happy that he cared so much. it weird i kinda like it when todd gets jealous over silly things, however he hates it when i get jealous over that stuff. last night we were laying in bed cuddling, just staring into each others eyes, i had little butterflies in my belly and it became hard to swallow, i havent had that feeling in a while.