LJ Idol - Week 1 - Jayus
“Oh, a Scotsman clad in kilt did leave a bar one evening fair, and one could tell by how he walked that he’d drunk more than his share…”
So, are you humming the tune now? Getting ready to belt out the catchy “Ring ding diddle diddle i-de-oh…” chorus? Because I certainly am, ready to start singing loudly while holding a pint in the air and cheering over the final line “Oh, lad I don’t know where ya’ been but I see you won first prize!” And yes, for those of you unfamiliar with the Drunken Scotsman Song by the Irish Rovers, he is, in fact, talking about his penis. I’ve included a link at the end so the uninitiated can share in the joy.
I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy. Well, on a good day I’m that mature, sometimes it’s the sense of humor of a seven year old boy, I know, because I have one of those in my house and I’m pretty good at cracking him up. Potty humor, booger jokes, puns about body parts, I’ve got it down.
Last night he got out of the shower and called to me.
“Mommmmmm, I need some underwearrrrrr!”
The boy is modest, quite unlike his mother, good for him. He likes to keep things under wraps, if you know what I mean. He’d taken a shower and brought his clothes to the bathroom but forgot his Angry Birds Star Wars undies. He’d probably die if he knew I was telling this story.
“One second, babe!” I responded.
I looked in the laundry basket and realized I would have to go all the way upstairs to his room to get the underwear. That’s a lot of unanticipated stair climbing at 9:00 at night! Well, I may be a slave to the kids, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun. I grabbed a pair of red socks, unwrapping them as I walked to the bathroom.
Straight faced, I passed him a fuzzy sock through the crack in the door. “Here you go, just wrap it in this and run!”
He glanced down, realized what I put in his hand and looked back at me with horror.
“Mom! NO! Just get me some underwear!”
I walked off, giggling to myself. This time, I went into my closet and grabbed some lacy pink thongs.
I reached through the bathroom door again. “Here. Just wear these upstairs, ok? You can change when you get there.”
“MOM! GROSS! Get me MY underwear!” He threw the panties back at me but I slammed the door and ran before they caught me.
This time I really did go up to his room and grabbed his manly underpants. When I got downstairs, I reached through the door one last time.
With exaggerated resignation I said “Ooookay, here you go.”
A look of mock fright on his face, he glanced at what I’d given him and saw it was finally his personal underpants.
“Oh good” he says to me. “I thought you were going to bring me my baseball glove next.
You know, Mom? My BALL…GLOVE…!”
He pauses for effect and then starts laughing maniacally.
I love that kid.
Can’t imagine where he gets his sense of humor from.
(And in case you haven't heard it yet...The Drunken Scotsman by the Irish Rovers)