LJ Idol - Week 4 - What Does Narcissism Have to Do With Me?
I sat at my computer, hands frozen above the keyboard, brows furrowed in concern.
Something was wrong with Facebook.
I’d posted a picture over nine hours earlier and not a soul had commented on it yet. You know, the one of the funny pretzels the kiddos and I baked for dinner last night? It had gone completely unnoticed.
There were no messages beneath the shot I’d so carefully set up on my stove. Nothing from people I went to high school with telling me what a great mommy I was for making treats with my children, no comments from former college roommates saying they wanted to come over and sample the pretzels too…no former coworkers I only knew peripherally from a job I held seven years ago even “liked” the image to let me know they thought our Darth Vader, Cthulu and Gary the Snail pretzels were SO cool!
Something was definitely up.
I looked at my status message. “Oops. Totally meant to pay attention to when it became 11:11 on 11-11. I think I was in the bathroom then?”
That’s funny, right? Maybe a little amusing? I figured at least one of my engineering school friends out there in social media land had noticed the cool date and time alignment today. I knew that my multitasking mommy friends would be sympathetic to the fact that mothers often get too busy with real life to remember small details like a date and time that only comes around once every 100 years. But no one even mentioned they’d been changing a diaper or buying strained peas at the grocery store at that exact moment themselves.
Weird.
Come to think of it, no one commented when I posted the pic of the gorgeous yellow ginkgo tree outside my office window - and it really was stunning! And they ignored the funny pie chart I discovered yesterday detailing the best ways to wake Lady GaGa from a nap. In case you haven’t seen it, you can pour water on her, set an alarm clock or do what the majority of people suggest…p-p-p-poke her face! LOLOL…right?
What was going on? Had I suddenly become persona non grata? Was my family pissed that I hadn’t sent thank you notes for the wedding yet? Had I made a faux pas at the faculty meeting on Wednesday and no one on campus was speaking to me? Maybe all my Atlanta friends thought the Lady GaGa reference was so passé they couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to anything I said anymore!
‘You know,' I pondered, gnawing on my thumbnail, 'I did that big unfriending two weeks ago. Maybe that’s coming back to bite me.’
What if I deleted so many of those long-lost, couldn’t-care-less, actually-disliked-me-but-were-just-my Facebook-buddy-to-see-if-I-got-fat-and-wrinkly-when-I-got-old “friends,” that there were no longer enough people on my list to support my need for instant social Internet gratification anymore? What had I done??!!??
And then I remembered. Tuesday night, pretty late and suffering from over-caffeinated paranoia, I had started to wonder if my ex-husband was actually able to see the pictures I posted of my new husband and I on our recent trip to the mountains. I started fooling with my privacy settings, locking things down tighter and tighter until all I could see were the whites of my eyes. And then the caffeine wore off...and I went to bed.
From my home page, I clicked on my name and then moused over the little cogwheel next to my status message. The words “Only Me” popped up.
Only me?? ONLY ME?? Why would anyone set their status to “Only Me?” Why are you posting crap to the Internet if you don’t want anyone but you to see it? Jeez, just write yourself a private GoogleDoc if that’s the case! Only me. Sheesh.
Then panic set in. I had ceased to exist on Facebook! How had I done this to myself? What privacy setting had I clicked that mistakenly hobbled my entire socialization universe? Frantically, I clicked through the settings on my account until I discovered the offending button. And reset it. And held my breath.
I sat at my computer, hands frozen above the keyboard, feverishly staring at the monitor.
A minute passed, then two...
"A watched pot never boils" I chided myself. I opened a new window, checked my email, checked today's Groupon, clicked back to Facebook.
A little Number 1, ringed in red, popped up above my world at the top of the page. Could it be? I clicked it hungrily.
My Uncle Billy in Florida, god love him, “liked” my ginkgo tree picture. He really liked it! My very existence was validated! I exhaled in relief. I had not been forgotten - had not disappeared. Practically salivating, I grinned in anticipation of more responses.
Hmm. So when will someone will notice that Lady GaGa pie chart? Maybe share it again themselves!? It really was pretty funny…