Why?
So why am I updating my Livejournal you may ask. Because sometimes you just need to vent shit out. I always get weirdishly depressed around this time of year. Something about the seasons and the constant cold just makes me extra sad. I'm graduating high school in 80something days. That's such a scary thing for me to think about. I have some new friends this year, which is cool. Steve and I are still together. It's been 2 and 1/2 years. We didn't apply to any of the same colleges...so we'll see how that works out. Two of my really good friends are fighting right now, it makes me sad. I work at Pinelli's in Warwick and at the Post Office in East Greenwhich. I have to leave for work soon actually.
I have weird-ish feelings about things right now. I just feel like, a lot of people are fake. Like, seriously really fake. I even think I'm fake..but at least I realize it? Like we all do things for our own selfish reasons, but like, I don't know, not many people really know those reasons. Like I have feelings and I think things that no one would think that I think. Do you get what I mean? I don't like how differently people act around other people. It's like, you're one person in front of someone, but then a completely different person around someone else. It's a strange thing, but everyone does it. I guess you have different feelings for different people. Like I'm sure Steve doesn't act the same way around me than he does with his friends. Sometimes I wish I could see the other side. Like how would he act if I was just another one of his friends? I don't know why I'm talking about this.
I wonder what it's going to be like with a fresh start. I'm not going to know anyone. Will I act differently? What kind of friends will I make? I'm so excited but so scared at the same time. I really don't have much time to finish up high school and get to really know who I am.
I made an update like last year talking about how I'm sick of the schedule and the routine. I feel that same way right now. I'm really not the type of person who just keeps doing the same thing over and over. I'm fucking bored! I don't know how to be un-bored. I just want something new. High school is great and everything but..I just need new. You know what I mean? There are so many people I haven't met, so many things I haven't seen, and so many things I haven't done. I'm not satisfied with my life. I kind of feel like I'm wasting my time..with everything. Like, I feel really restricted, but I'm not exactly unhappy. It's strange because part of me just wants to be like fuck it! But then the other part of me is like nooo waitt. I don't know what I want. I'm ready but I'm not ready.
Merr.
I have weird-ish feelings about things right now. I just feel like, a lot of people are fake. Like, seriously really fake. I even think I'm fake..but at least I realize it? Like we all do things for our own selfish reasons, but like, I don't know, not many people really know those reasons. Like I have feelings and I think things that no one would think that I think. Do you get what I mean? I don't like how differently people act around other people. It's like, you're one person in front of someone, but then a completely different person around someone else. It's a strange thing, but everyone does it. I guess you have different feelings for different people. Like I'm sure Steve doesn't act the same way around me than he does with his friends. Sometimes I wish I could see the other side. Like how would he act if I was just another one of his friends? I don't know why I'm talking about this.
I wonder what it's going to be like with a fresh start. I'm not going to know anyone. Will I act differently? What kind of friends will I make? I'm so excited but so scared at the same time. I really don't have much time to finish up high school and get to really know who I am.
I made an update like last year talking about how I'm sick of the schedule and the routine. I feel that same way right now. I'm really not the type of person who just keeps doing the same thing over and over. I'm fucking bored! I don't know how to be un-bored. I just want something new. High school is great and everything but..I just need new. You know what I mean? There are so many people I haven't met, so many things I haven't seen, and so many things I haven't done. I'm not satisfied with my life. I kind of feel like I'm wasting my time..with everything. Like, I feel really restricted, but I'm not exactly unhappy. It's strange because part of me just wants to be like fuck it! But then the other part of me is like nooo waitt. I don't know what I want. I'm ready but I'm not ready.
Merr.