I'VE been PICKING my SCABS again.....
"stabbing me in the back again
all you feel is the pleasure of the pain
sick stimulations feed your hunger
to destroy our....
world"~tba
YAWN
so i just woke up from a nap and i decided.eh what the hell..i'll update this shit.
i've been listening to tool nonstop lately.i don't know why.it depresses me but it also makes me..i dunno..calm?it's strange how when we're sad we listen to sad music that makes us feel worse.
life is one crazy bitch.
ever since our friend casey died...my group of friends hasn't been the same.veronica,briee,james,cody,casey and i were like a family.at first we hung out everyday,even though we all go to different schools we managed to meet up at someone's house..usually v's.we'd hang out,talk,order pizza or occasionally order some wierd food v and cody would like...it was nonstop laughs.eventually as we got older we got busier..but we made it a point to meet up at least once a week.but now we couldn't stand being around anyone's parents so we'd meet up at a spot.our spot.we'd share talk about our weeks and laugh about stupid shit.like this one time some guy went up to james and went on and on about how james looked liked some guy h knew back in 'nam.
but now....
casey's dead,briee's busy with her baby,cody's always in trouble,james is busy bein rich and raising his sister,v's always at work or out,and me...i'm never around.cody and james are at eachother's throats,briee's caught in the middle,and v is angry at all of us....who the hell knows why.
and me.....
i'm mad.
mad at cody for thinking with his dick.
mad at briee for acting like she's better then us.
mad at james for being a drunk.
mad at v for ignoring us because we're "Stressful" and hurting herself.
and mad at me for leting my best friends slip away.
"Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start things over."
so i'm drunk.drunk on my insecurities.i'm going to europe to study film for the summer and all i think about is.."am i good enough?".sometimes i don't want to go.i just want to stay here...and salvage the tattered pieces of the friendships i have.
"it'll all fall apart when i leave..
leaves crumpled into ash
never to be known
but i want
to want
to live
to die
in peace"~tba
all you feel is the pleasure of the pain
sick stimulations feed your hunger
to destroy our....
world"~tba
YAWN
so i just woke up from a nap and i decided.eh what the hell..i'll update this shit.
i've been listening to tool nonstop lately.i don't know why.it depresses me but it also makes me..i dunno..calm?it's strange how when we're sad we listen to sad music that makes us feel worse.
life is one crazy bitch.
ever since our friend casey died...my group of friends hasn't been the same.veronica,briee,james,cody,casey and i were like a family.at first we hung out everyday,even though we all go to different schools we managed to meet up at someone's house..usually v's.we'd hang out,talk,order pizza or occasionally order some wierd food v and cody would like...it was nonstop laughs.eventually as we got older we got busier..but we made it a point to meet up at least once a week.but now we couldn't stand being around anyone's parents so we'd meet up at a spot.our spot.we'd share talk about our weeks and laugh about stupid shit.like this one time some guy went up to james and went on and on about how james looked liked some guy h knew back in 'nam.
but now....
casey's dead,briee's busy with her baby,cody's always in trouble,james is busy bein rich and raising his sister,v's always at work or out,and me...i'm never around.cody and james are at eachother's throats,briee's caught in the middle,and v is angry at all of us....who the hell knows why.
and me.....
i'm mad.
mad at cody for thinking with his dick.
mad at briee for acting like she's better then us.
mad at james for being a drunk.
mad at v for ignoring us because we're "Stressful" and hurting herself.
and mad at me for leting my best friends slip away.
"Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start things over."
so i'm drunk.drunk on my insecurities.i'm going to europe to study film for the summer and all i think about is.."am i good enough?".sometimes i don't want to go.i just want to stay here...and salvage the tattered pieces of the friendships i have.
"it'll all fall apart when i leave..
leaves crumpled into ash
never to be known
but i want
to want
to live
to die
in peace"~tba