Realization
There is a dark place, a memory, a shadow, a void behind those eyes...
Eyes that I could once match the very color, ripple and depth to the melody of a song.
Vacant.
I remember pleading... no, no. Screaming. Bawling, cursing, exploding. There was a pressure behind my eyes and within my sinuses. My heart was pounding and I was almost exhausted by the ordeal. I couldn't fight the resentment and rage that came spewing out of my mouth like venom. Cathartic, really. A weight lifted.
All I could hear was, "I love you".
Never did I ever think that phrase could mean so little... but it did.
I didn't want to see past the glamorous shroud I had made for you. But there you were... waist-deep in bullshit. All you could do was shrug.
I was afraid, really. Truly terrified at the thought of being incapable of falling in love again. I lost my faith.
I looked to those eyes for comfort and found nothing... There was only a bleak emptiness in your every touch and every word. The smell was different and even the taste.
In small things, I found you. A lingering memory of happier days, of who you used to be.
Gone.
I decided to wait. Perhaps maybe... There was hope for us still. Despite it all, I held on.
Then there were FIREWORKS.
A flash and glitter illuminated his face and I was greeted with a warm smile.
It was his hands... He led me through the crowd.
I looked back at the torrent of people and watched as you washed away. I thought I might have heard you call my name, but it was too late.
I was saved.
I am on safer shores, no longer drowning with you. I have love, I have faith, I have HIM.
I'm not writing this to castigate you, nor am I writing this to glorify him. I am writing this as a REALIZATION.
I realize that I owe you an apology for not being everything you hoped for. I truly wish that you can someday find happiness. I also realize that I never thanked you for being a part of my life and sharing yourself with me as deeply as you did. I know one day our paths will cross again. I know on that day, we will smile at what we had together and perhaps even laugh. Until then... thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Eyes that I could once match the very color, ripple and depth to the melody of a song.
Vacant.
I remember pleading... no, no. Screaming. Bawling, cursing, exploding. There was a pressure behind my eyes and within my sinuses. My heart was pounding and I was almost exhausted by the ordeal. I couldn't fight the resentment and rage that came spewing out of my mouth like venom. Cathartic, really. A weight lifted.
All I could hear was, "I love you".
Never did I ever think that phrase could mean so little... but it did.
I didn't want to see past the glamorous shroud I had made for you. But there you were... waist-deep in bullshit. All you could do was shrug.
I was afraid, really. Truly terrified at the thought of being incapable of falling in love again. I lost my faith.
I looked to those eyes for comfort and found nothing... There was only a bleak emptiness in your every touch and every word. The smell was different and even the taste.
In small things, I found you. A lingering memory of happier days, of who you used to be.
Gone.
I decided to wait. Perhaps maybe... There was hope for us still. Despite it all, I held on.
Then there were FIREWORKS.
A flash and glitter illuminated his face and I was greeted with a warm smile.
It was his hands... He led me through the crowd.
I looked back at the torrent of people and watched as you washed away. I thought I might have heard you call my name, but it was too late.
I was saved.
I am on safer shores, no longer drowning with you. I have love, I have faith, I have HIM.
I'm not writing this to castigate you, nor am I writing this to glorify him. I am writing this as a REALIZATION.
I realize that I owe you an apology for not being everything you hoped for. I truly wish that you can someday find happiness. I also realize that I never thanked you for being a part of my life and sharing yourself with me as deeply as you did. I know one day our paths will cross again. I know on that day, we will smile at what we had together and perhaps even laugh. Until then... thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.