Optimism?

[monkeysinmyshoe]

I haven't really confronted my feelings about David.

Since we broke up, its been really hard trying to hold myself together. There are so many different feelings that I'm conflicted with and I often feel overwhelmed.

I read over a couple of entries that I've written about him. I'm not really surprised how everything is the same. I think for a long time I've denied myself the reality of our relationship: we don't work. I've been patient, I've been flexible, and no matter how much effort I put into the relationship, I still ended up with the same shit.

It kills me how he would always tell me how much I'm worth it to him, how much he'd fight for me, and yet he never once has. Not even now. It's been over a month and I'm slowly coming to terms with everything. We're done.

I've been so comfortable being with someone for so long. I need to learn to be comfortable on my own.

Co-dependency is a bitch.

I pray for strength everyday and I'm so grateful for all the other blessings in my life.

I'm fighting with all I have and it's definitely a day-by-day process.

I'm trying to look forward to new possibilities and with a little help, I just might be ok.

I'm heading to the Aquarium tomorrow with my new friend, Rusty. He's a cool guy. I'm not interested in a relationship with him, but the comfort of a his company is doing wonders. It's almost like I'm being weened off of David. Hahaha, that's kind of a weird thing to say, but it's the closest analogy I could think of.

I'm excited to actually go out and have fun.

Here's to looking on the bright side!