my stats
I don't have the mental stats to deal with the amount of stress I'm dealing with so I'm putting it out on public address just to share the misery. Stop reading if you don't care about people losing their grip.
Here is the build up: I've spent the last 4 years of my life in living in my fathers basement, trying like hell to get my footing and make a life for my self. The last two and a half years I've spent struggling with an insanely, un-nessarly complcated finacial aid program at TC3, desperatly trying to improve my lot in life. I've worked all summer log at a fairly well paying yet physicaly demanding job to earn enough money to get a car and a home for me and my beloved girlfriend. I've tried to be a generous and good friend to all of my friends. I've tried. I've spent the last two fucking years of my life just trying to be something resembling a person working his way out of the rut that is no-where-central-NY-deadend-nowhere. I FUCKING TRIED.
4 years later:
I've got no car, no appartment(I'm still in my dad's basement), My finacial aid is up in fucking smoke, my family (aside from dad letting me live in his basement) has no support or even care for me or my situation, I have nothing to show for working my ass off this summer at all, and to top the whole thing off I can;t even come up with a good way to celebrate my girlfrinds+bestfriend+bestfriends wifes+my dads fucking birthdays witch all need to be celebrated this week.
So here I am. Days away from being a college drop out, with 4 birthdays that I need to celebrate and no idea how to, no car, a huge college loan that will kill my credit rating for the rest of my life, no home of my own, no way of making my plans for the future happen, oh and did I mention that I'm bi-polar and in a MASSIVE downswing?????
WHAT THE FUCK???? What am I supposed to do???? I can't keep putting the happy face on. It's fucking killing me to keep all this built up shit to my self, but no one else can do anything about it so what is the fucking point of try to share it????
I'm walking the razors edge between a fucking breakdown, and a psychotic snap, but I can't let either happen because too many people need me to be "stable" for them. ARGHHHHH!!!!! I wan't to Hulk out and destroy a small city, I want to climb a fucking bell tower and play sniper. I want to RAGE, but I can't. I can't freek out, as bad as I want to, because to many people need me to be there for them.
Here is the build up: I've spent the last 4 years of my life in living in my fathers basement, trying like hell to get my footing and make a life for my self. The last two and a half years I've spent struggling with an insanely, un-nessarly complcated finacial aid program at TC3, desperatly trying to improve my lot in life. I've worked all summer log at a fairly well paying yet physicaly demanding job to earn enough money to get a car and a home for me and my beloved girlfriend. I've tried to be a generous and good friend to all of my friends. I've tried. I've spent the last two fucking years of my life just trying to be something resembling a person working his way out of the rut that is no-where-central-NY-deadend-nowhere. I FUCKING TRIED.
4 years later:
I've got no car, no appartment(I'm still in my dad's basement), My finacial aid is up in fucking smoke, my family (aside from dad letting me live in his basement) has no support or even care for me or my situation, I have nothing to show for working my ass off this summer at all, and to top the whole thing off I can;t even come up with a good way to celebrate my girlfrinds+bestfriend+bestfriends wifes+my dads fucking birthdays witch all need to be celebrated this week.
So here I am. Days away from being a college drop out, with 4 birthdays that I need to celebrate and no idea how to, no car, a huge college loan that will kill my credit rating for the rest of my life, no home of my own, no way of making my plans for the future happen, oh and did I mention that I'm bi-polar and in a MASSIVE downswing?????
WHAT THE FUCK???? What am I supposed to do???? I can't keep putting the happy face on. It's fucking killing me to keep all this built up shit to my self, but no one else can do anything about it so what is the fucking point of try to share it????
I'm walking the razors edge between a fucking breakdown, and a psychotic snap, but I can't let either happen because too many people need me to be "stable" for them. ARGHHHHH!!!!! I wan't to Hulk out and destroy a small city, I want to climb a fucking bell tower and play sniper. I want to RAGE, but I can't. I can't freek out, as bad as I want to, because to many people need me to be there for them.