1-month update
Life with an infant sure is something else..
She is going to be 1-month old on Thursday! I cannot believe it! How has 1-month already gone by??? It seems that we waited forever and ever and ever for May to arrive, and now we're looking at June right around the corner!
My little girl is getting more and more beautiful by the day.
I can't believe how much she has changed already, and can't wait to get more pics up!
Nursing is still turning out to be a challenge.
I've come to realize, along with the help of my Dr.'s, friends, and family, that I'm experiencing some minor Post-Partum Depression. I'm in no way feeling like I am going to harm her or myself, but what I -am- feeling is detachment from her. I'm also experiencing a small bit of resentment. After mulling over these feelings and the source for a few days, I've come to realize that they mostly stem from nursing. (And also from the fact that my life is -completely- different now.)
2 weeks ago we found out that Alice wasn't gaining weight and were advised to supplement with one formula feeding per day, along with me starting to pump so that we can visually see how much she is eating, and so that Jay could relive me at night so that I could finally get some rest. This has been going great! Jay has been wonderful!!
Jay has also gotten up early the past few mornings and taken her for a walk, or out for errands while I sleep! Again, he has been WONDERFUL!!
As of this past Friday, however, Alice still had not gained weight, and was still weighing 7lbs 4oz, 1oz below her birth weight. Because of this, our Dr. told us to supplement 3 feedings a day with formula, so we have followed suit.
This has actually gone very well, and Alice took to the bottle flawlessly. She even lets -me- feed her the bottle, which we were worried about, as I smell like breast milk.
As for pumping, I am doing it as soon as I get up in the morning, and yeilding anywhere between 2-4 oz from each breast. However, during the daytime hours, if I pump, I am only yeilding 1-2 oz per breast. This makes me worried that when I actually bring her to the breast, which I've really only gotten to do once to twice a day this past week, she is not getting enough to eat. She is also resisting feeding on the right side, and seems to favor the left. She is also still having some latching issues, and pushes and twists her body away while feeding. This is very frustrating.
Breastfeeding has just been so taxing on me, I never understood before what mother's meant when they said how emotional breastfeeding really is. I'm finally starting to get that. It's kind of backwards, but I'm actually feeling like I bond better with her when I bottle feed her, I enjoy it so much more.
I also feel that my own anxiety issues are getting in the way as I get very tense and impatient when I try to breastfeed. I know she's picking up on this and it is making things worse.
I've gotten soo much conflicting advice from friends and family. I feel so guilty for even considering not breastfeeding my child. With anyone else, I'm a huge advocate for it, but, I really don't think it's for me.
I feel that I need to take care of my own emotional status so that I can bond with my baby and be a better mother.
I also feel that the Zoloft, the anti-depressant I went on that is 'nursing-safe', works nowhere as well as the Effexor did. After talking to my medication Dr. this morning, and then mine and Alice's Dr., we agree that it may be best for me to go back on Effexor and stop breast-feeding. "A happy mommy makes a happy baby."
I just feel so guilty, as I know she needs the nutrients from my breast milk. For this fact I'm not going to just give up right away. I'm going to -at least- wait until the 6-week mark.
This is one of the hardest descisions I've ever had to make.
And, I really don't want people to think that I'm giving up because it's 'too hard'. I know I have always had the tendency to give up on things that I don't enjoy, and that I tend to try and 'take the easy way out'. But that's not what is going on here.
I have my own mental health and sanity to worry about.
Oh, and, as of today, Alice has -finally- gained some weight, and is now up to 7lbs 9oz!!! And for that, YAY formula!!!
On other topics..
Mother's Day was nice. It was low-key. My immediate family spent it over at Shauna and Eric's house. I dressed Alice up SUPER girly, in the pinkest, most frilly and lacy dress we had. It was really funny and adorable! She was super cute!!
As a gift for my mother, for both Mother's Day, and her upcoming birthday, I announced that I had set up an appointment with my friend Paula to take some family portraits of us!
We actually did that this past Saturday!
It was so much fun! Paula was really creative, and we all laughed a lot. I cannot wait to see more of the photos and show them off to the family! I was able to see a bunch of them after my family left, and from what I saw, they are fantastic!! :D
Also this weekend, Alice met her Wilson grandparents. They arrived from FL on Friday and came straight to our house, and stayed until this morning. They were really excited to meet her, and were really cute with her!
While they were visiting we went out for Mexican at Amigo's in Milford, and I had THE BEST enchilada and chimichanga I've had in a LONG time!! I also had my first post-baby Margarita!!! YUMMMMM!!! Another night we went to King Kone, our favorite soft-serve ice cream shop in Merrimack!! :D
Yesterday we all met up with Jay's brother and his wife, and we all visited Jay's aunt and uncle, so that they could meet Alice as well! This was a nice visit!
After that we stopped by my parents house, and all of us had a nice visit there. This was neat as we got some pictures of Alice with both sets of her grandparents!
Last night Kerry drove Sarah home. She had been away for a week. I love my friends, but this was really hard for me, as I knew I had to tend to the baby and go to sleep, to rest up for today's busy day, and couldn't hang out with them. I'm having a really hard time accepting that everything has to be about her now, and that all of my priorities have to be completely different.
Today we had lots of Dr.'s appointments, and Jay and I made a special, surprise purchase!
We knew that we were finally eligible for new phones, so we went into the Verizon store to check out our options. Well, we ended up coming out of there with 2 brand new Blackberry's!!!! I think it's the Curve model. We are super excited!!!!
I can't wait to charge it and learn how to use it!! I am also thrilled to finally have the internet on my phone, especially as we don't have it at home anymore! We are such geeks to feel like we need it at our fingertips at all times now. lol
Right now Sarah and I are at the library. We've been here for about 3 hours. Usually this is the time of day of Alice's longest nap. Of course, she's been awake. I can't tell you how many times I've had to tend to her, pick her up and soothe her, get up and change her, wash her pacifier, wash bottles, and feed her.
OYE!
This is A LOT of work while out of the house!
Finally, she is drifting, and I've been writing this entry for -at least- half of the time we've been here, and now I'm STARVING!
So, I guess that's all for now.
She is going to be 1-month old on Thursday! I cannot believe it! How has 1-month already gone by??? It seems that we waited forever and ever and ever for May to arrive, and now we're looking at June right around the corner!
My little girl is getting more and more beautiful by the day.
I can't believe how much she has changed already, and can't wait to get more pics up!
Nursing is still turning out to be a challenge.
I've come to realize, along with the help of my Dr.'s, friends, and family, that I'm experiencing some minor Post-Partum Depression. I'm in no way feeling like I am going to harm her or myself, but what I -am- feeling is detachment from her. I'm also experiencing a small bit of resentment. After mulling over these feelings and the source for a few days, I've come to realize that they mostly stem from nursing. (And also from the fact that my life is -completely- different now.)
2 weeks ago we found out that Alice wasn't gaining weight and were advised to supplement with one formula feeding per day, along with me starting to pump so that we can visually see how much she is eating, and so that Jay could relive me at night so that I could finally get some rest. This has been going great! Jay has been wonderful!!
Jay has also gotten up early the past few mornings and taken her for a walk, or out for errands while I sleep! Again, he has been WONDERFUL!!
As of this past Friday, however, Alice still had not gained weight, and was still weighing 7lbs 4oz, 1oz below her birth weight. Because of this, our Dr. told us to supplement 3 feedings a day with formula, so we have followed suit.
This has actually gone very well, and Alice took to the bottle flawlessly. She even lets -me- feed her the bottle, which we were worried about, as I smell like breast milk.
As for pumping, I am doing it as soon as I get up in the morning, and yeilding anywhere between 2-4 oz from each breast. However, during the daytime hours, if I pump, I am only yeilding 1-2 oz per breast. This makes me worried that when I actually bring her to the breast, which I've really only gotten to do once to twice a day this past week, she is not getting enough to eat. She is also resisting feeding on the right side, and seems to favor the left. She is also still having some latching issues, and pushes and twists her body away while feeding. This is very frustrating.
Breastfeeding has just been so taxing on me, I never understood before what mother's meant when they said how emotional breastfeeding really is. I'm finally starting to get that. It's kind of backwards, but I'm actually feeling like I bond better with her when I bottle feed her, I enjoy it so much more.
I also feel that my own anxiety issues are getting in the way as I get very tense and impatient when I try to breastfeed. I know she's picking up on this and it is making things worse.
I've gotten soo much conflicting advice from friends and family. I feel so guilty for even considering not breastfeeding my child. With anyone else, I'm a huge advocate for it, but, I really don't think it's for me.
I feel that I need to take care of my own emotional status so that I can bond with my baby and be a better mother.
I also feel that the Zoloft, the anti-depressant I went on that is 'nursing-safe', works nowhere as well as the Effexor did. After talking to my medication Dr. this morning, and then mine and Alice's Dr., we agree that it may be best for me to go back on Effexor and stop breast-feeding. "A happy mommy makes a happy baby."
I just feel so guilty, as I know she needs the nutrients from my breast milk. For this fact I'm not going to just give up right away. I'm going to -at least- wait until the 6-week mark.
This is one of the hardest descisions I've ever had to make.
And, I really don't want people to think that I'm giving up because it's 'too hard'. I know I have always had the tendency to give up on things that I don't enjoy, and that I tend to try and 'take the easy way out'. But that's not what is going on here.
I have my own mental health and sanity to worry about.
Oh, and, as of today, Alice has -finally- gained some weight, and is now up to 7lbs 9oz!!! And for that, YAY formula!!!
On other topics..
Mother's Day was nice. It was low-key. My immediate family spent it over at Shauna and Eric's house. I dressed Alice up SUPER girly, in the pinkest, most frilly and lacy dress we had. It was really funny and adorable! She was super cute!!
As a gift for my mother, for both Mother's Day, and her upcoming birthday, I announced that I had set up an appointment with my friend Paula to take some family portraits of us!
We actually did that this past Saturday!
It was so much fun! Paula was really creative, and we all laughed a lot. I cannot wait to see more of the photos and show them off to the family! I was able to see a bunch of them after my family left, and from what I saw, they are fantastic!! :D
Also this weekend, Alice met her Wilson grandparents. They arrived from FL on Friday and came straight to our house, and stayed until this morning. They were really excited to meet her, and were really cute with her!
While they were visiting we went out for Mexican at Amigo's in Milford, and I had THE BEST enchilada and chimichanga I've had in a LONG time!! I also had my first post-baby Margarita!!! YUMMMMM!!! Another night we went to King Kone, our favorite soft-serve ice cream shop in Merrimack!! :D
Yesterday we all met up with Jay's brother and his wife, and we all visited Jay's aunt and uncle, so that they could meet Alice as well! This was a nice visit!
After that we stopped by my parents house, and all of us had a nice visit there. This was neat as we got some pictures of Alice with both sets of her grandparents!
Last night Kerry drove Sarah home. She had been away for a week. I love my friends, but this was really hard for me, as I knew I had to tend to the baby and go to sleep, to rest up for today's busy day, and couldn't hang out with them. I'm having a really hard time accepting that everything has to be about her now, and that all of my priorities have to be completely different.
Today we had lots of Dr.'s appointments, and Jay and I made a special, surprise purchase!
We knew that we were finally eligible for new phones, so we went into the Verizon store to check out our options. Well, we ended up coming out of there with 2 brand new Blackberry's!!!! I think it's the Curve model. We are super excited!!!!
I can't wait to charge it and learn how to use it!! I am also thrilled to finally have the internet on my phone, especially as we don't have it at home anymore! We are such geeks to feel like we need it at our fingertips at all times now. lol
Right now Sarah and I are at the library. We've been here for about 3 hours. Usually this is the time of day of Alice's longest nap. Of course, she's been awake. I can't tell you how many times I've had to tend to her, pick her up and soothe her, get up and change her, wash her pacifier, wash bottles, and feed her.
OYE!
This is A LOT of work while out of the house!
Finally, she is drifting, and I've been writing this entry for -at least- half of the time we've been here, and now I'm STARVING!
So, I guess that's all for now.