(no subject)
This time of the year is often quite tranistional and challenging for me especially in the last five years or so. In previous years as we neared the solstice, I would get quite sick and depressed and then either a day or two before the solstice or on the solstice itself, I would have a series of fever dreams and/or nightmares as my psyche seemed to literally descend into the darkness, cleanse itself of what it thought needed purging and then reemerged into the light. Prior to five or six years ago that never happened. Or at least I don't recall it ever happening.
I think it started happening about 6 years just prior to a break up to a pretty intense relationship. And the pattern seems to have continued since then. I don't recall getting sick last year but I did have the dreams/nightmares.
This year, I am taking a different approach. I've been purging my apartment. I am a bit of a hoarder. Most of the things I own are books, comic books, music (cds, lps, and cassettes) and DVDs. I still have in my possession almost all of the score sheets from the poetry slams I was in charge of when I was slammaster here. I don't think anyone else actually wants them but I have held on to them for some sort of nostaligic value and I guess to keep my memory of those things alive. I am going to get rid of them unless someone else wants them.
But my landlord has said he plans to renovate my apartment by putting in new floors and cupboards. He also said he won't be raising the rent and evicting me. Well that's good because, I don't think he would be able to anyway. But because of the upcoming reno, I've been consolidating things and throwing other things away or recycling them.
It definitely feels good as there is a lot more space in the apartment now. I've moved many of the boxes of comics in to more suitable areas which has freed up the room and will make it easier to shuffle other stuff aroudn when the reno starts. It also feels a bit disorienting at times too. The apartment is shifting and I guess my relationship to it is changing as well. It feels lighter.
I'm enjoying being more proactive with my life especially this time of year. It's often a time of deep reflection for me but this year at least I feel like I am choosing it rather than it being imposed upon me plus I am anchored by a solid relationship with a sweetheart, I really love.
We will see what happens.
I think it started happening about 6 years just prior to a break up to a pretty intense relationship. And the pattern seems to have continued since then. I don't recall getting sick last year but I did have the dreams/nightmares.
This year, I am taking a different approach. I've been purging my apartment. I am a bit of a hoarder. Most of the things I own are books, comic books, music (cds, lps, and cassettes) and DVDs. I still have in my possession almost all of the score sheets from the poetry slams I was in charge of when I was slammaster here. I don't think anyone else actually wants them but I have held on to them for some sort of nostaligic value and I guess to keep my memory of those things alive. I am going to get rid of them unless someone else wants them.
But my landlord has said he plans to renovate my apartment by putting in new floors and cupboards. He also said he won't be raising the rent and evicting me. Well that's good because, I don't think he would be able to anyway. But because of the upcoming reno, I've been consolidating things and throwing other things away or recycling them.
It definitely feels good as there is a lot more space in the apartment now. I've moved many of the boxes of comics in to more suitable areas which has freed up the room and will make it easier to shuffle other stuff aroudn when the reno starts. It also feels a bit disorienting at times too. The apartment is shifting and I guess my relationship to it is changing as well. It feels lighter.
I'm enjoying being more proactive with my life especially this time of year. It's often a time of deep reflection for me but this year at least I feel like I am choosing it rather than it being imposed upon me plus I am anchored by a solid relationship with a sweetheart, I really love.
We will see what happens.