J bots
I’m trying to write a poem about forgiveness
About being forgiven about taking responsibility
About knowing some things are beyond my control
And how I should have had more control
I’m trying to gain perspective on all these things
How we met like drunk drivers colliding head on
Igniting on impact and hurting so many others
With our self-destruction
We mistook each other’s wounds for wishing wells
Hoping we could somehow heal each other but
All our coins were counterfeit, bad pennies that
Kept on turning up
We only slept together once and in the morning
I sat there in the quiet with the stillness getting
Into my veins watching the beauty of the universe
Exquisitely expand, pushing you away
And the battering ram of silence I had learned
To wield so well broke you down and all the
Moments of your life came together like a train
Colliding with the engine strangled love made you beautiful
For the longest time my apartment was
A post office full of dead letters from old lovers
And yours was the only one I ever opened
It sat right beside your wedding invitation
And read, “If you had asked me to stay
That night, I would have but you didn’t so
I left”
Some nights I wonder what if I had spoken up
Instead of waiting for the slow corrosion of the affair
What if I had said, “I object to the dark machine
Inside us, sexual anorexia, the black outs
the vomit, how the church did nothing to stop them
how they stole our God away and now
we have nothing left to pray to, to help us
heal this sorrow, I object to the whole goddamn thing”
These days I hear your blues song
Has become an aria singing lullabies
For your daughter and you’ve finally
Found a camp fire to keep your body warm
Me, I’m still an out-house imagining itself
A cathedral staring colour blind through stained glass
Windows at a world covered in a palette
Of awkward light
And I hope it’s in the dim lit corners of creation
We might find a soft forgiveness because I still
Believe there’s a place where everybody loves everybody
And maybe one day we can get there and
When I see you smiling I can tell you
Our bent disaster is the one thing I regret
And even if I am never sure of how much my past
Is memory or hallucination I have this one thing
I will cling to how the DJ played Territorial Pissings
At your wedding and we slam danced like windmills
Into one another singing with Kurt Cobain “Come on
People now smile on your brother
Try to love one another right now”
About being forgiven about taking responsibility
About knowing some things are beyond my control
And how I should have had more control
I’m trying to gain perspective on all these things
How we met like drunk drivers colliding head on
Igniting on impact and hurting so many others
With our self-destruction
We mistook each other’s wounds for wishing wells
Hoping we could somehow heal each other but
All our coins were counterfeit, bad pennies that
Kept on turning up
We only slept together once and in the morning
I sat there in the quiet with the stillness getting
Into my veins watching the beauty of the universe
Exquisitely expand, pushing you away
And the battering ram of silence I had learned
To wield so well broke you down and all the
Moments of your life came together like a train
Colliding with the engine strangled love made you beautiful
For the longest time my apartment was
A post office full of dead letters from old lovers
And yours was the only one I ever opened
It sat right beside your wedding invitation
And read, “If you had asked me to stay
That night, I would have but you didn’t so
I left”
Some nights I wonder what if I had spoken up
Instead of waiting for the slow corrosion of the affair
What if I had said, “I object to the dark machine
Inside us, sexual anorexia, the black outs
the vomit, how the church did nothing to stop them
how they stole our God away and now
we have nothing left to pray to, to help us
heal this sorrow, I object to the whole goddamn thing”
These days I hear your blues song
Has become an aria singing lullabies
For your daughter and you’ve finally
Found a camp fire to keep your body warm
Me, I’m still an out-house imagining itself
A cathedral staring colour blind through stained glass
Windows at a world covered in a palette
Of awkward light
And I hope it’s in the dim lit corners of creation
We might find a soft forgiveness because I still
Believe there’s a place where everybody loves everybody
And maybe one day we can get there and
When I see you smiling I can tell you
Our bent disaster is the one thing I regret
And even if I am never sure of how much my past
Is memory or hallucination I have this one thing
I will cling to how the DJ played Territorial Pissings
At your wedding and we slam danced like windmills
Into one another singing with Kurt Cobain “Come on
People now smile on your brother
Try to love one another right now”