Blech
Aha! Now I remember.
The things that drags on me the most with "the job" is lack of sleep, lack of a full rest in the night and therefor lack of mental energy by the end of the day.
Going from basically having my own hours and now back into essentially 9-5 is exhausting. I am nocturnal by nature. I love staying up late. I think it has to do with the idea of not wanting to miss out on a minute of being alive...if I am awake I can participate in living, even if it's something like reading or watching a movie or taking a walk. Also, I think I have some kind of child hood worry about dying while I sleep. I want to be awake and aware when I go.
So, right now I still stay up till at least midnite or 1 am and then I wake at 8 am rather than sleep until I am rested. Blech.
Perhaps, I just need to schedule shit and then actually stick to it...which really bugs me...I like to feel impulsive rather than follow a schedule...even if it might be an illusion of impulsivity! But it might help me.
As an example...Monday nights..poetry slam, Tuesdays...Yoga...Wednesdays...going to the gym..Thursdays...open...Fridays...open...Weekends...open. Amongst these few things is my assumption that writing will be a part of it even if it feels like if I do these other things I won't have time to write...time, time, time, time, time is my nemesis...I'm running out of it so what do I do with the time I have left???????
Anyhow, just doing a little ventilation.
The things that drags on me the most with "the job" is lack of sleep, lack of a full rest in the night and therefor lack of mental energy by the end of the day.
Going from basically having my own hours and now back into essentially 9-5 is exhausting. I am nocturnal by nature. I love staying up late. I think it has to do with the idea of not wanting to miss out on a minute of being alive...if I am awake I can participate in living, even if it's something like reading or watching a movie or taking a walk. Also, I think I have some kind of child hood worry about dying while I sleep. I want to be awake and aware when I go.
So, right now I still stay up till at least midnite or 1 am and then I wake at 8 am rather than sleep until I am rested. Blech.
Perhaps, I just need to schedule shit and then actually stick to it...which really bugs me...I like to feel impulsive rather than follow a schedule...even if it might be an illusion of impulsivity! But it might help me.
As an example...Monday nights..poetry slam, Tuesdays...Yoga...Wednesdays...going to the gym..Thursdays...open...Fridays...open...Weekends...open. Amongst these few things is my assumption that writing will be a part of it even if it feels like if I do these other things I won't have time to write...time, time, time, time, time is my nemesis...I'm running out of it so what do I do with the time I have left???????
Anyhow, just doing a little ventilation.