The Difficulties of Common Courtesy
I just went on a coffee run and decided to stop at the Yonge-Eglinton Centre first for 5 minutes of window shopping. On my way in, I noticed 2 women in their senior years having a hard time opening the door to get out. So, I walked over to their door and opened it for them. They were both extremely grateful for my help and one of them said, "Oh, what a gentleman you are! Coming to the rescue of two old ladies. Thank you so much. You have a fine day." If made me feel good, but I honestly didn't open the door for them because they were old or women or to feel good. I did it because it's common courtesy. They couldn't get the door open. I could. It's the right thing to do.
This did, however, remind me of all those times I've been treated quite poorly for opening doors for people. One very bad incident occurred a couple of years ago at the Canadian National Exhibition. As I was about to enter the Garden Show building, I noticed an older man rolling up behind me in a wheelchair. The door I was about to enter did not have the wheelchair access button, so I decided to hold the door open for the guy. When we got half-way through, he stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What is wrong with you? Do I look like I need any help opening the door? Asshole." He then proceeded to roll away in a huff. I stood there in silent disbelief. Honestly, I don't think there was anything I could have really said to him.
Someone else I'm reminded of is one of my ex girlfriends. That relationship didn't last long and I am so glad it did! She was a huge feminist and I found out the hard way. See, I used to walk her from her classes down to Union Station through the PATH and she often carried a lot due to her area of study. If any of you have ever taken the PATH to get anywhere, you'll know that the place is filled with doors. So, of course, since my ex was carrying so darned much, I thought it was okay to either help her carry some stuff or open doors for her. Well, in her eyes, those were not acceptable things to do. Here is the speech she gave me:
"Alright, I've had it, Michael. Enough. What exactly do you think I am? What, a princess? Some damsel in distress? Some weak, pathetic little girl who can't do anything herself? Who can't even carry her own fucking bags or open some fucking doors? Fuck, Michael, you are the stereotypical male chauvinist pig! You're a fucking sexist jerk! How DARE you think those things of me or any other woman. We women can do things for ourselves, thank you very much."
You'd think that incident was the end of us, but it wasn't. She didn't dump me because she supposedly liked me and was just "trying to teach me the realities of the world" and I didn't dump her because I was a naive boy who had only dated 2 girls before her. *Cough* Anyway, after that day, I refused to help her with anything unless she explicitly asked for my help. I let her carry a million bags and objects, even through some extremely bad snow. I let doors literally slam in her face, one time nearly breaking her nose. (Note: I'm not a dick, so I did go check on her after she fell on her ass holding her face.) I could tell every single time she struggled that she was absolutely pissed she was getting no help, but she never said a thing about it since I'm sure she knew exactly why I wasn't helping. She could have asked for help at any time, but she was a stupidly stubborn one and continued to fall, stumble, and let doors flatten her face. Oh, but it gets better. When I finally had enough and dumped her, did she fight? Nope. Did she argue? Nope. She said this:
"Okay, I accept that. We're not going anywhere anyway. But, I need you to do one thing for me. Just one. When you tell people about us, tell them that I paid for all my own meals. You NEVER paid for me. Got it?"
Wooow.
Anyway, I have a ton of other stories about the times where I did something nice for someone, especially in the opening doors department, and was treated like dirt in return, but I think the above anecdotes are enough to get my point across. The fact is that common courtesy is not always appreciated. It's downright difficult at times. But, do you know why I won't stop being nice to people? Because I won't. Because it's who I am. Because it's what I believe is right. I just sometimes wish more people saw it that way.
This did, however, remind me of all those times I've been treated quite poorly for opening doors for people. One very bad incident occurred a couple of years ago at the Canadian National Exhibition. As I was about to enter the Garden Show building, I noticed an older man rolling up behind me in a wheelchair. The door I was about to enter did not have the wheelchair access button, so I decided to hold the door open for the guy. When we got half-way through, he stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What is wrong with you? Do I look like I need any help opening the door? Asshole." He then proceeded to roll away in a huff. I stood there in silent disbelief. Honestly, I don't think there was anything I could have really said to him.
Someone else I'm reminded of is one of my ex girlfriends. That relationship didn't last long and I am so glad it did! She was a huge feminist and I found out the hard way. See, I used to walk her from her classes down to Union Station through the PATH and she often carried a lot due to her area of study. If any of you have ever taken the PATH to get anywhere, you'll know that the place is filled with doors. So, of course, since my ex was carrying so darned much, I thought it was okay to either help her carry some stuff or open doors for her. Well, in her eyes, those were not acceptable things to do. Here is the speech she gave me:
"Alright, I've had it, Michael. Enough. What exactly do you think I am? What, a princess? Some damsel in distress? Some weak, pathetic little girl who can't do anything herself? Who can't even carry her own fucking bags or open some fucking doors? Fuck, Michael, you are the stereotypical male chauvinist pig! You're a fucking sexist jerk! How DARE you think those things of me or any other woman. We women can do things for ourselves, thank you very much."
You'd think that incident was the end of us, but it wasn't. She didn't dump me because she supposedly liked me and was just "trying to teach me the realities of the world" and I didn't dump her because I was a naive boy who had only dated 2 girls before her. *Cough* Anyway, after that day, I refused to help her with anything unless she explicitly asked for my help. I let her carry a million bags and objects, even through some extremely bad snow. I let doors literally slam in her face, one time nearly breaking her nose. (Note: I'm not a dick, so I did go check on her after she fell on her ass holding her face.) I could tell every single time she struggled that she was absolutely pissed she was getting no help, but she never said a thing about it since I'm sure she knew exactly why I wasn't helping. She could have asked for help at any time, but she was a stupidly stubborn one and continued to fall, stumble, and let doors flatten her face. Oh, but it gets better. When I finally had enough and dumped her, did she fight? Nope. Did she argue? Nope. She said this:
"Okay, I accept that. We're not going anywhere anyway. But, I need you to do one thing for me. Just one. When you tell people about us, tell them that I paid for all my own meals. You NEVER paid for me. Got it?"
Wooow.
Anyway, I have a ton of other stories about the times where I did something nice for someone, especially in the opening doors department, and was treated like dirt in return, but I think the above anecdotes are enough to get my point across. The fact is that common courtesy is not always appreciated. It's downright difficult at times. But, do you know why I won't stop being nice to people? Because I won't. Because it's who I am. Because it's what I believe is right. I just sometimes wish more people saw it that way.